Monday, June 11, 2007

Emotions

Ever walk into a room of people to a near-collective gasp and inquiries as to your state of mind? This happened to me today, leading me to seriously question my appearance. I thought I was doing all right, but perhaps my dark black bad mood was visible. Maybe these women (who I really like, and who really just wanted to be sure I was okay) saw the black cloud over my head. And probably some of this is in my head. (Whymommy, was the response to my entrance really that blatant?)

I could list the reasons for my increasing stress and irritability, but, frankly, I'm in too bad of a mood to do it.

And although the kindness and concern shown me this morning nearly brought me to tears, an hour of (mostly) relaxation with these women elevated my mood one or two levels.

Watching Jack avoid contact with anyone—adult or child—for the third occasion in a row brought me back down. Then he took a pretty big tumble on the pavement outside and he lost it completely. (We told him that he runs SO fast now that sometimes it makes him fall. That helped a little.)

Up and down and all around. I feel like the most unstable person in the world these days. Is it just me or is it motherhood?

1 comment:

  1. Oh, Stimey. I'm sorry. I really am. And I will call you after naptime to apologize again. I don't think you looked that dark, per se, just torn a bit by the kids ... who walked in before, after, and all around you, making quite the entrance. I think it just hit us all in that moment that "oh, wow. it's summer. she's got the boys, and we ... we've got all our kids, and ... it's going to be a long summer, isn't it?"

    You're our leader, Stimey ... you show us all that it can be done ... that you can raise three wonderful little boys and keep your sanity and sense of humor intact. If we saw a chink in the armor, we may just have gasped because we didn't know that such a chink could exist.

    You're doing great. And yes, motherhood is just really that hard.

    ReplyDelete

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