Saturday, August 4, 2007

Your Audio Will Be Rendered in 5 to 7 Business Days

So a couple of months ago I decided to purchase the kick-ass editing software I need so that my computer doesn't keep freezing up on me and I can actually create a lovely piece of videography. And what's more, I mostly know how to use that awesome software—at least the basic functions.

The most recent thing I learned how to do is put audio filters on my project to do things like remove microphone hums and to equalize things, and I don't quite know what else the fuck they do, but they do something, and apparently it's something I need to do in order to create those aforementioned lovely pieces of videography. Please don't ask me what the equalizer is because I don't know, and neither does the "expert" at the Apple Store. So, consequently, I may never know. How important can audio really be, after all?

Well, one thing I learned at my recent One to One session at the Apple Store is that after I apply the filters I have to render them before I can listen to them. Now, if you have a lot of audio, it takes a while to render, so you're supposed to work on a little piece and then apply that to your larger project once it's the way you want it.

So I was working on my little piece today and rendering now and again to test the audio. And the little dialogue box would come up saying that it would be ready in "less than a minute," or whatever. Until I added one particular filter and the message came up to tell me that the amount of time to render would be: "3 days."

Not "72 hours." Not "less than a minute." Not "please wait." But, "You know, three days, more or less." I must have laughed for 3 days because it was done before I pulled myself together.

I think the lesson here is that my little dialogue boxes are lying to me. In fact, when actually rendering something that originally claimed to take 36 hours, I saw the number switch rapidly from "59 minutes" to "60 minutes" to "an hour" to "35 minutes," all while the progress bar stayed at 12%.

I do feel happy, however, to learn that my software seems to have a sense of humor.


  1. I think that your Final Cut progress bars are calculated using the same algorithms that WMATA uses for the signs that tell you when the next Metro train is coming. Did we say "3 minutes?" Actually we meant "9." No, just kidding, now we mean to say "Out of Service." Hilarious.

  2. Makes you wonder why they even bother, huh?


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