Sunday, September 2, 2007

Tired.

I'm tired.

I have three children under 6 years old. Between the hours of 8:30 and 6:45 I take care of them by myself. Although we are rapidly approaching the day when two-thirds of them will be in school all day and that sentence will change to: Between the hours of 8:30 and 6:45 I drive them here and there by myself. But even after school starts for everybody, I'll have Quinn all day, every day except for five hours a week. My little dudes are so fun and I'm excited to spend time alone with Quinn, and we get to do fun things.

But I'm tired.

I have a whole house to try to keep clean, and 14 meals a week to prepare. (Alex makes breakfast, thank God.) I'm not very good at this part of my life.

And I'm tired.

I have a part-time job. I do data entry and internet research at night. Every night. From 7:30, when the kids go to bed, to whenever I go to bed. I could probably get away with doing less of this, but I'm incapable of saying no when a boss asks me to do something. And I get paid per-piece by what I enter, so the more I enter, the more I make. And now that I've set the precedent for working as much as I do, I would actually have to ask for less work, something I find difficult to do. And honestly, I couldn't ask for a better job right now. I get to work from home at whatever time of day I want to.

But I'm tired.

I'm the Membership V.P. at my kids' preschool. I get to deal with all the membership issues, including returning or passing on every single voice message left on the school's answering machine. It's a cooperative school and two of my kids go there so I'll be co-oping 3-4 times a month. (For perspective: Quinn will go to school 8 times a month.) And because I've been spoiled by this cooperative school and can't stand not knowing what Sam does all day, I'll probably start volunteering in his kindergarten classroom too. And I'm so fortunate that I have the time to do this.

But I'm tired.

I'm starting to freelance as a videographer. And I'm still learning, so everything take three times as long to do as it should. And I don't have a lot of work, but I have enough that since I've started this work I've always had an open project. And I am so grateful that people are giving me jobs.

But I'm tired.

Most weekends Alex takes the kids and does with them what I do during the week so I can work. So I can have some quiet time to put on my headphones and work on the audio for my videography. So I can catch up on some of my data entry. And don't tell him, but so I can blog.

And it makes me tired.

I didn't work Friday night. I took a nap. I surfed the Internet. I caught up with my bloggy friends. I woke up Saturday morning in a kind of a panic because of the weight of the work I have to do that is piling up on me.

I wasn't tired, but I knew I had to work.

I have a good life. I'm healthy. I get to spend time with my kids. I have a husband who doesn't "help out," but rather takes on a lot of the work. I'm fortunate to be able to be fully involved in my children't lives. I get to make money working from my home at night so I don't have to be away from my kids or pay for child care. I get to work on a business that I truly enjoy working on. I get to explore my writing and meet people through my blogging, which amazes me every day.

But, oh dear God, I'm tired.

10 comments:

  1. Maybe it IS time to ask for a little less work because I didn't see anything in there about having much time for yourself, and ahem, time for you and your husband.

    You'll still be tired, but you only go around once! Or so they say. :)

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  2. Yeah, you're probably right. I'm thinking of getting a mother's helper for Quinn for a few hours a week once everyone starts school and then I can subtract those hours from nighttime working.

    And it's only three short years until everyone is in full day school!

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  3. I hear every single word you've said, and I only have one. And my hubby is the same way.

    Best of luck.

    (I'd use an exclamation point, but I'm too tired :) )

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  4. I hear ya girl! I keep telling myself it's going to be easier now that I have 2 in school full time, but it hasn't eased up yet. I work outside of the home just one day per week so I'm only working 8 hours compared to your many. But I have a hard time juggling everything somedays and feel so overwhelmed. Baby steps....

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  5. I think, no matter how you do it, when you're a mother, you spend a lot of your time doing things while feeling very tired.

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  6. the dos mamas hear you. we think it is easier working 80 hours a week in the hospital taking care of critically ill children than running after a couple of healthy ones at home. what do you think if we all took a vacation, you, my sister and the dos. We suggest NYC for 3 whole kid free days but are very open to other options. We have time in the spring. What say you?

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  7. I can really relate -- I work at night too. And am tired most of the time, though I guess it goes hand in hand with this motherhood gig :)

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  8. Hey... wanna come over and BRING your laptop? Q & W can play and we can catch up on our email and blogs (DC MOMS LAUNCHES TOMORROW and I so have to write a post over there tonight!) and not feel guilty ... or would we feel twice as as guilty? I'm never sure.

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  9. Dude. I don't do NEARLY as much as you do-but I'm totally feeling you.

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