DCMM: What to Be, What to Be?

When my husband and children were paying for some groceries at Trader Joe’s the other day, the cashier made sure to ask if they celebrated Halloween before she offered them some stickers with ghosts and haunted houses on them. Why yes, they celebrate Halloween. And the more stickers, the better!

The reason for the cashier’s slight caution was, she explained, that a week earlier she had offered some Halloween stickers to a non Halloween-celebrating family and had gotten chewed out for it. “We don’t want your Satan stickers,” the daughter had told the cashier.

I guess Halloween is here.

On Saturday I realized that my kids have a Halloween party on the 19th. Oh, crap. I thought I had weeks to get their costumes ready. Turns out I have only a few days. Think, Jean. Think. Oh, and I’ll mention right here that I’m not a sewer, nor am I super creative or frugal when it comes to constructing costumes. I buy mine because it costs me far more to make them.

Okay, my six-year-old: When I had asked him what he wanted to be this year he told me he would be a dragon. Which was what he was last year. I was excited because I loved that costume, and now I wouldn’t have to buy/make a new one. I did ask why he didn’t want to be Superman, like I thought he did.

“Because I don’t have a costume for it,” he said.

Oh, bless his little consumerist heart. My little dude who asks to buy everything under the blue sky hadn’t considered that I might buy him a new costume. Once I made the mistake of telling him that I just might be conviced to do so, he was all about Superman, and nothing could deter him. Of course, none of the regular places sell Superman costumes for kids.

(What the hell, Target?! He’s only like the most important superhero. Except for Batman. And Spiderman. And Wonder Woman. And…oh, shut up.)
 
Anyway, the costume wasn’t at Target or Kids R Us. You have to go to a specialized costume store to get it. Or at least I did. Hopefully it fits him, because there’s a no-return policy.

The four-year-old that you see in that photo there at the top: He was Tuck the Turtle from The Wonder Pets last year. And guess what? He wants to be Tuck the Turtle again. Rock on. Problem solved. Move on to…

The highly irritating, opinionated, and stubborn two-year-old: If he had the wherewithal to say, “I don’t want your Satan costume,” he would. Because he is NOT COOL with dressing up. See, he loves puppies, so when I saw the adorable puppy costume at Target, I bought it for him immediately. Fortunately Target does have a return policy. Because it’s damn near impossible to stuff a squirmy toddler into a puppy costume.

He wouldn’t even let me bribe him into the damn thing. You know you’re an awesome parent when you hear yourself say, “I’ll give you some candy if you let me put this dog outfit on you.” And then you force the dog outfit onto your crying child, who is screaming, “Take it off! Take it off!” So realizing that if he didn’t hate the puppy costume before, he sure does now, you pull it off of him, give him three chocolate chips, and then go look for your Target receipt. That’s how you know you’re a great parent. When you do that.

Now that we’ve ruled out puppy, little man, what DO you want to be for Halloween? Answer: “Not a puppy.”

Great. That’s very helpful.

Me? I’m going as a cranky mom of three.

Be sure to check over at Stimeyland for post-Halloween photos of Superman, Tuck, and a crying 2-year-old.

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