Sunday, June 15, 2008

Prison Break (UPDATE: Now With Photo!)

So in the ant farm instructions, it's all, "Don't let the ants build piles of sand next to the escape proof edges. Because, yeah, it's escape proof and all, but ants are clever little motherfuckers and you don't want to turn your back on them for a second."

Or something to that effect.

So all day today my new enemies the ants have been engaging in weird behavior. They spent a chunk of time huddled in a group. I caught them doing it more than once. At first I thought maybe they found some food, or were holding a funeral, or were feasting on one of their own. You know, something nice and innocent.

I think they were plotting.

Because they're building piles of sand next to the "escape proof" (and I use that phrase loosely) edges.

So I was like, "Well I'll show them who's in charge. I'll just open up this here ant farm and shove over their little piles of sand."

It turns out that they're in charge.

As soon as I opened my escape proof ant farm, four ants jumped out and began running amok. I tried (and failed) to get them back in (it's hard to do such a thing when you're jumping up and down and shrieking), so I yelled for Alex. It took him a while, but he did it.

Jack was standing there throughout the mayhem. I think the experience scared him straight. He's not going to be opening the ant farm anytime soon. (At one point as a confused ant ambled across the counter towards him, Jack panicked: "He's headed for me!")

"What have we learned here?" Alex asked after he'd collected the ants.

Well, for one thing, that ants are smarter than me.

And now I'm living in sort of mortal terror. Are they going to get out again? Why do I have to give food and water to my little tormentors? Why am I so goddamn dumb as to request that my mom buy an ant farm for my house?

You'd think I could manage to be a decent ant farm warden. But no. No, I can't. I'm going to have dreams about this I think. And I don't think they're going to be fun.


  1. Um, I have to say, if it were me, I think the Ant Farm would be the item next featured on the Junk Pyramid! :) Good luck!

  2. I don't like ants, and I'm thinking that I'm going to end us having a nightmare about this tonight. Thanks a lot. Keep us updated.

  3. If all the ants escape or die, feel free to come over and collect as many as you want of the ones running amok in my kitchen. Ugh.

  4. I'm trying not to laugh but we had a similar situation. Noah had found a bunch of fuzzy caterpillars and had them in his big bug box. I guess the lid wasn't on good and I happen to notice the cat attacking one on the living room carpet. I then find one on the kitchen counter and on the kitchen floor. I was not impressed. Yes, there are much worse things to get lost in your house than fuzzy caterpillars but ugh! At least I got them all.

  5. Ants are taking over the word...mwuhahahha....

    Who knows what they do when you are sleeping. Put ear plugs and nose plugs in just in case...

  6. I am glad to be living this vicariously ;-)

  7. I am thinking about rescinding my offer to be your ant sitter. The gerbils would never pull a stunt like that!

  8. Those walls don't look that escape proof really. Would another centimeter hurt the manufacturer so much?

  9. They are definitely plotting something - did you see the look on the face of the one on the far right of the "odd ant gathering"? And is he wearing a button with a picture of your face on it with devil horns? Yup, they are definitely plotting something. Sleep with one eye open and a shoe in your hand.

  10. Eek. Um, we HAVE had a lot of rain lately. Sudden habitat flooding? Oh I know, that would be sad. Sorry, but it looks like you may have those nightmares. I know I am now.

  11. Ok, when we get together for our super pool playdate, I just have to witness the little escape artists in action because there's no way we're getting one now!

  12. I think my reaction to escaping ants would have been to smack them. I would have traumatized my kids and none of it would have been worth it. You handled it much better than I would have!
    Love the pic of the meeting!!

  13. This cracked me up, like a huge guffaws. I was almost done laughing and then I got to the photo, hifreakinglairius.

  14. OMG, this is SO funny!!!! I agree that the little mo-fo's are plotting your imminent demise. After having a funeral and then eating the remains.

    Ant farms gross me out entirely. All the frenzied creepy crawly activity - ugh.

  15. Wait, wait, wait.

    You asked your mother to get this?

    Stimey of Junk Pyramid fame has willingly brought vermin into your house??

    I loathe bugs.


    The instructions are KILLING me!

    You know ants, they're all like, 'LIVE FREE OR DIE TRYING!!'


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