Tuesday, September 9, 2008

They Call Him Mellow Yellow

No, they don't.

'Cause Quinn is about as far away from mellow as...well, as "sane" is far away from "fucking psychotic three-year-old."*

A couple of you have noticed in recent photos that Quinn is not always wearing yellow shirts anymore. It is true that he has relaxed his insistence on wearing only yellow shirts. As far as I can tell, the following are the rules he has established for clothing selection. Please keep in mind that these rules are subject to be altered at a moment's notice.

1. Naked but for underpants is best. If forced to wear clothes, a t-shirt will suffice. Who needs pants? Not the Q-ball. He's been known to start disrobing at other people's houses. If we're leaving the house or friends that don't know Quinn very well are coming over, I tend to make statements like, "If you want to go to the park, you have to wear pants."

2. Quinn has about seven shirts that he will always wear. Five are yellow, one is orange, and one is navy blue and features Thomas the Tank Engine. Knock on wood, but so far he hasn't (consistently) turned them down.

3a. Although yellow shirts are a good bet, they are never a safe bet. Take, for example, the yellow t-shirt my mom (who lived in Perth at the time) made an Australian shop owner order so she could bring it to the states. Not only did Quinn refuse to wear this adorable yellow t-shirt with orange kangaroos, but he shrieked horribly upon seeing it. That'll teach you, Nana.

3b. There is also the yellow shirt with a soccer ball my friend H thought would be a sure bet. Because it's yellow! And it has a soccer ball on it! (see #4) I gave her the go-ahead to buy it from the bargain bin for $3. I forced him into it once. He spilled chocolate on it, thus ruining it for donation, and refused to wear it again.

4. Shirts stand a good chance of being acceptable if they feature:
a) a soccer ball
b) a basketball
c) a baseball
d) pandas

5. Rule #4 is followed capriciously at best.

6. All shirts must be plain t-shirts. This is non-negotiable. Because apparently buttons carry the plague and polo shirts are the work of the devil.

7. Pants are slightly easier, but the preference is that they are:
a) long pants (Although by July, he was willing to bend on this point.)
b) soft (Recent photos showing him wearing jeans surprised me as much as they surprised you.)
c) green (Yellow used to be his favorite color, but after Sam got a green straw in a restaurant once and wouldn't share it with Quinn, green became his favorite color.)

8. Shoes must either be the orange crocs he's been wearing for two years or the Lightning McQueen sneakers I had to purchase in the next size up after he outgrew the first pair.

9. Know that this post will probably be out of date tomorrow, as Quinn tends to be obsessively stringent about following certain rules (like those above), until suddenly he's not. And he has a whole new set of stringent rules.

Which he will abandon the nanosecond I figure them out.



* Not that I necessarily think that Quinn is a fucking psychotic three-year-old. He's three and a half.

14 comments:

  1. Eli went to school today in a yellow Bob the Builder tee shirt, Thomas pajama pants, camo rain boots (sans socks) and orange goggles. Yes goggles.

    I will see your one fucking psychotic 3 1/2 year old and raise you a fucking psychotic and weird 3 1/2 year old.

    xoxo, SG

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  2. Damn, I have to fold before the game even gets started. All I've got is a naked 4 yr old. Sheesh.

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  3. there are only a handful of dresses sass will wear now, no pants, no skirst, no shirts ..DRESSES only and not ones that are too long or too short or the ever famous too crinkly ??? WTF

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  4. Yeah, I don't think I can get in the game either. We just aren't clothes-worthy. Well, GP won't wear pants that are "cold" (as far as I can translate, I believe he means nylon.) Regardless, it doesn't even come close to Quinn's restrictions (or Eli's, for that matter.)

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  5. SO similar to my 3 1/2 year old... He won't wear shirts with buttons either and acts like I've dropped slugs down his collar if I do manage to get one of the offending shirts on him.

    And he spends 75% of his time at home in his underwear. One of the common commands at our house is "boys without pants can't go outside."

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  6. yeah, psychotic three & a half year old.

    my kid wore her denim "overall" dress nearly daily for about a year. maybe more. i can't remember. it's in the permanent archive now.

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  7. i love this post. Moose (4.5) has to wear shoes and socks everywhere. He could be (note this says 'could be' NOT 'has been')completely naked in the dead of winter surrounded by hundreds of people as long as he has his shoes and socks on.

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  8. I am strangely comforted that other parents live in a world quite similar to my own.

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  9. I feel the need to comment on my own post to say: Thank God I'm not the only one with small, crazy children. I cannot tell you how much it comforts me to know that.

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  10. Jessica had a really cute button down shirt that she refused to wear because it "looked like a boy shirt." I showed her how the cut was form fitting and the tag on the collar said "girlz" or something equally misspelled and dumb. Anyway, she says, "well, I just THINK that it LOOKS like a boy shirt". She knows I can't tell her she's wrong about a personal opinion.

    ~C

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  11. We only like loooong socks at our house, preferably with shorts. And things either need to be green or have some kind of Star Wars thing on it, preferably the Lego ones. Bedtime = underpants, or pj shorts without underwear (which we call Lando, b/c he couldn't say commando, and it seemed to fit b/c of Lando Calrician and how seedy he seemed, playing into the whole Star Wars theme).

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  12. Do you know how often I say the words "If you want to go to the park, you have to wear pants"? EVERY SINGLE DAY AT LEAST THREE TIMES A DAY. Hold me, they are going to be the death of us.

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  13. I'm sorry. . .I'm laughing so hard. . .I can't post my comment. . .

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Thanks for commenting! May you be visited by unicorns and kittens.