Wednesday, December 31, 2008

2nd Annual What Google Thinks I Wrote About This Year

Instead of going through all the trouble to find a fun and pithy way to summarize 2008, I've decided once again to let Google do it for me. Google search terms are in bold.

We had some holdovers from last year's Google searches that people are still finding here. I think we can agree that I am the foremost authority on autism and constipation (although I'm referring to two different kids here), on suppositories, and on poop.

I do get some good poop related searches though. For instance: enema & suppository fun Check with Quinn. Based on his reaction, I don't think they are. However, I'm starting to believe that there is a substantial group of you out there who think they are.

Also:
"trying to hold it" +poop There's Quinn for you.
glycerin suppository dog ate It probably won't kill him.
poop on my doop I don't know what this means, but there are a surprising number of people searching for any number of variations on Poop Poop Poop A Doop.
disestablishmentarianism suppositories How were there search results for this?
IS IT OKAY TO GIVE A DOG A SUPPOSITORY I'd check with a vet. And your dog.
video instructions on how to give a suppository to another person I don't know a lot, but I do know that I don't want to see this video.

What else? Well, there are a lot of people out there who are as interested in gerbils as I am. But they want to do some weird things to them: gerbil snorkel, scary gerbils, gerbils you can rent or buy. Doesn't everyone know about www.rentagerbil.com?

Jack had a fit of burping late last year. People are still visiting Stimeyland to find out about it. I got a lot of burp thumb forehead and some girls who can burp. I am also interested to know why kids burp over and over. And if someone tells me why do boys like to burp, I'll be forever grateful, because I get the feeling I'm going to be dealing with a lot of this in the next few years.

I wrote a post involving Rachael Ray early this year. I've gotten lots of searches looking for her. Also, just so you know, if you put her name and the word "fucking" in the title of your post, you're going to get a lot of queries about that specifically. People are also interested in her ziti.

You might remember the great ant farm fiasco of aught-eight. And the nightmares. And the trauma. Google remembers too. I'd like to apologize here to all the people looking for the TV show Prison Break, who were brought here after searching for prison break updates. I do hope I was able to help those interested in disposing of pet ants ant farm. And for those of you wondering about strange behavior ants carry off dead ants? They do. I've seen it in two different colonies. Those of you looking for extreme ant farm advice or information on caring for harvester ants? You should probably keep looking.

Late last year I asked WWSD? I meant What Would Stimey Do? Apparently though, that is not the common meaning of the acronym. Welcome to Stimeyland, satan worshippers!

People searching for sisterhood made it here. I'm happy to have you!

There were also a few days when I was in the top ten Google searches for wedgies. I consider that to be one of my proudest blogging accomplishments. It also resulted in a hilarious twitter conversation and an unofficial "wedgie day" when several of us slipped the word into our posts.

There were a lot of search terms that made me laugh. Such as...

ate too much cake threw up vomit As opposed to throwing up...what?

photos of grumpy people You'll find 'em here. Mostly Sam and Alex.

puking before school in the car You'll find 'em here. Mostly Jack and Quinn.

mom three boys try for a girl I get lots of these searches. I'd like to say that I'm completely happy with my three boys and have no plans to try for a girl. Frankly, I wouldn't know what to do with her if I had one.

catastrophysing I'm not sure where this one came from, but what a fun word!

you are the reason, you are the one Ironically, this search term brought up this post.

My Briliant Brain Please notice that Mr. Smrt misspelled "brilliant."

greatest accomplishment in history I was the first result for this search. What is the greatest accomplishment? Jack ate a sliver of green bean.

why are babies made Fuck if I know. I just know how they're made.

MY THREE YEAR OLD IS TERRIBLE I think this might be the funniest search term of all year. And it amuses me that it brought someone here. My three-year-old can be terrible too. We should hang out.

why everything "you do" "half assed" Please note the whole-ass usage of quotation marks. No half-asser would use quotation marks on a Google search.

pregnant gals and a mime Thank you, Jerry Springer!

child cannot ride bike or tie shoes Don't worry, you're not alone. But be prepared to feel bad about yourself if you spend less than two hours a day cleaning.

how to build a lego table Who knew when I made this for Jack that I was performing such a public service? I have a lot of people coming here to learn about this.

"bad medical advice" internet No! Bad medical advice? On the internet? I. Cannot. Believe. It.

academically talented and evil Do you think they were looking for Sam or for Jack?

ming ming wonder pets emoticon Emoticons are getting specific, aren't they?

three boys decide to go have some fun at the local swimming hole. shortly after they arrive, something terrible happens. Jeez. In related news, my kids are no longer allowed to go to the local swimming hole.

But maybe the biggest compliment, if Google searches can bestow compliments, were these types of searches: i love my kids, i love my children blogspot, and i love my kid blog. In these cases, Google brought them to the right place.

Have a Safe and Happy New Year!

7 comments:

  1. That is hilarious! Does it ever make you a little freaked that some wierdos out there in cyberspace may be looking at your blog?? LOL I wonder about that with mine sometimes.

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  2. Thanks for the laugh. And thank god for Stimey (and team!)

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  3. ha - satan worship! I see I'm in good company. That's hard to top.

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  4. Guilty. Of using the word
    catastrophysing in your comments in the past. I think. Psychologist used the word to describe a behavior of my sons. Never sure if it's a real word but I sure as hell remember the behavior!
    I have to tell you - I am still laughing at "gerbil snorkel" and the idea of people searching for Prison Break updates and coming upon your ant farm posts. Too funny!

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  5. thanks for that hilarious trip down blog-post-memory lane! BTW, if someone were to google "funny as hell" and "great mom, good friend" I bet they'd end up here, too. I'm just sayin'.

    Happy New Year! Can't wait to find out the weird shit Team Stimey comes up with in '09!

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  6. Too funny! A quick trip down Stimey memoryland!

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