Saturday, January 10, 2009

My Resolution and How I'm Kicking the Shit Out of It

Keep in mind that I considered the new year to have begun on Monday, January 5.

My resolution this year is to participate in some sort of exercise activity every day. I know that's completely unreasonable, but it's way more doable than previous years where I decided that on January 1st I would morph into a fiscally responsible, properly eating, steadily exercising, perfect parent. I decided to take it down a notch.

Actually I had to take it up a notch from last year when I didn't have any resolutions, based on the abject failure of the years before. Then I listened to a story on NPR about how people who make resolutions are guaranteed to lose 20 pounds by January 15, and I decided to sign on.

Or maybe it said that about half of the people who make resolutions are successful. Or something. I don't know. I wasn't paying that much attention because I was driving through the McDonald's drive-thru at the time.

Regardless, I decided to make a reasonable, quantifiable resolution: exercise every day. That exercise can be as simple as playing tetherball with my kids or as strenuous as running a half marathon, something I'm hoping to work up to—if not in the first half of 2009, then definitely in the second half.

Y'all know I'm starting by hula hooping my way to fitness with my Wii and Wii Fit. Alex and I have tennis grudge matches in our TV room late at night. The other day I fell over an ottoman reaching for a particularly swift return by Alex. I also bought My Fitness Coach for the Wii, and the sadistic animatronic trainer is kicking my ass five days a week. (Well, three times so far, but the new year only started five days ago—according to my fuzzy math, at least.)

This is all well and good, but you know that my post can't be all smiles and sunshine, right? Stimey has to bitch about something, right? Hell, yeah, she does.

We all know that the Wii Fit has already called me fat and humiliates me daily by calculating my BMI and then dramatically changing the thin Mii figure into a chubby Stimey, but the other day it also insulted me in terms of my marriage.

It asked me how Alex's posture was looking. And when I said I didn't know, it told me this:


Really, Wii?! Since when did you take Alex's side? Is this because he's better at Wii tennis than I am? And you know, if you'd mentioned this on a week that Alex didn't get home from work at 10 p.m. every night, I might have been more sympathetic.

As it was, it took everything I had to not throw my remote at the TV. Thank God for those little wrist straps.

And then, to cross even further into odd-things-your-workout-equipment-cares-about territory, it asked this:


Okaaaaaay.

And I don't even know what the stupid Wii is talking about because here is actual photographic evidence of Alex and I paying attention to each other.


And if I could make a Mii dog, you'd better believe I'd be staring it down right now.

On a side note (see how I did that), we used to have a rottweiler who badly wanted to be dominant over me. That's a scary battle to try to win. But win I did. Our current dog Cassidy also tried to wage that battle with the rottweiler. She did not win. But she was a total jerkapotamous while trying to upset the dog hierarchy.

On even more of a side note, did you know that if you add "apotamous" to almost any word, it's really funny? Dogapotamous. Carapatomous. Alexapotamous. Hippopotamous.

Where was I?

Oh, right, the Wiiapotamous. And the resolutionapotamous.

Okay, it doesn't work for four-syllable words.

I'm sure I'll have setbacks in my exercise every day plan, but I'm okay with that. I'm not going to let it defeat me. 2009 is going to be The Year That Stimey Got Fit Again.

21 comments:

  1. ~giggle~ I am really excited to get a Wii, but after seeing this...I'm not so sure!

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  2. I think that if I had a Wii Fit (and I really want one) and it started talking back to me like that, I'd have to call it Hal (if you have no idea what I'm talking about - think the movie 2010). I call all machines that I deem "out to get me," Hal.

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  3. well, my exercise today was a hearty laugh while reading your post. It counts...it does, it was in the A&P course I am proofing right now! We don't have Wii Fit, but after doing my daily training, it gave me a score and then after I got excited, a bad score crashed down on top of it. Damn wii thought it was reeeeeeeeal funny. Hubby did too. I love Alex's mii! Bubba did my Hubby's mii and I took a picture of it and made it the picture that comes up on my cellphone when Hubby calls. Wow, I get wordy when I drink beer...

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  4. I scream obscenities at my Wii Fit Mii.

    But that is cause I love.

    That's the way it works round here.

    And 'jerkapotamous' is totally now my new word.

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  5. Duh - it means that Alex is your DOG! HA!

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  6. Does ROFLMAO count as exercise? Coz if it does, I'm totally working out right now! ;-)

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  7. has it told you all about how you can weigh books yet? if you get on the scale holding a book, then get on with out the book and subtract your weight, you know how much the book weighs! ya, cuz thats why we bought a wii fit, to weigh our books

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  8. Oh too funny. I don't have a Wii but I want one. And if I were to work out with the Wii fit - what kinds of things would it say to me - all by myself?

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  9. I think the Wii might be taking over our lives, soon they will be talking to each other: "Did you see how lame Lori is at bowling? Ha ha!" my Wii would tell your Wii.

    Excellent determination so far. Keep at it, even if your Wii is sporting a serious attitude problem.

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  10. Oh contrair, you CAN make a Wii dog. I don't know how, but Husband made our dog....

    Oh and I'm sure when I step on it next I'm going to hear "and where have you been the last few days?"

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  11. I'm right there with you - on the fitness, the Wii, and the My Fitness Coach, which I am LOVING. I've been shooting to work out with Maya (!) 3 mornings a week and going to the gym with my friend the other 2. So far, so good. She IS hard core, isn't she? I love, though, how "she" mixes up the workouts - I'm never sure if it's going to be straight cardio, or upper/lower body workout or flexibility, and I love that. I was pretty psyched to unlock a new song and environment on Thursday. ;-) But I admit I'm fearful of the upcoming fitness test update because I know I'll do better -- and then it's going to get harder again!! I don't have the Wii Fit yet - it sounds crazy! Anyway, the good news is I lost significant weight in the first week of my new eating plan + adding My Fitness Coach. So it works. Good luck!

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  12. Oh, and I need to take a photo of my Mii because it looks strangely like yours!!

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  13. I've heard about that catty Wii making your Mii into a fatty.

    Bitchapotamous.

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  14. Yeah, baby! And as soon as it gets warm, we are SO running together.

    I hope.

    (We'll leave the wiis at home. They can talk to each other or something.)

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  15. Yeah, baby! And as soon as it gets warm, we are SO running together.

    I hope.

    (We'll leave the wiis at home. They can talk to each other or something.)

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  16. You should tell that Wii to mind its own damn business. i wouldn't take that kind of shit from my tv.

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  17. Wow - marriage critiques, huh? I haven't yet seen that. Then again, my husband won't go near it because it told him he was old and obese...

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  18. Dude, I've been wanting to get that Wii Fitness! But I never knew a game could be so RUDE!

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  19. The Wii, despite its subversiveness, sounds awesome. Hmmm...I think another playdate is order. For Jolie of course.

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  20. ha ha....I love this post. Thanks for the laugh. i still still still don't get the Wii.

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