Tuesday, March 10, 2009

If You Take Quinn to a Playgroup...You Might Get Called an Anti-Semite

If you take Quinn to a playgroup...

...they might serve pumpkin muffins...

...Quinn might want more than the three pumpkin muffins you limit him to...

...so you might agree to make him muffins at home...

...and Quinn might remember that we don't have chocolate chips at home...

...so you might go to the grocery store to buy chocolate chips, bananas, and buttermilk...

...then, because you've had a cough since November, you might cough as you walk past the checkouts...

...then an old woman might give you the finger...

...then you might walk over to the old woman and say, "Excuse me, ma'am, did you just give me the finger?"...

...and she might say, "Did you just cough when you walked past me because I'm a Jew?!"...

...and you might have to put your hands in the air and back away slowly before the crazy gets any deeper.

To sum up: If you take Quinn to a playgroup, you might get called an anti-Semite at the grocery store for coughing.

COUGHING, people. I had no idea that was some sort of code for that type of thing. Lesson learned.

44 comments:

  1. HAHAHAHA.... Are you kidding?

    That is priceless...

    I am sure your jaw was on the floor.. mine would have been

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  2. I have never heard of such a thing...how bizarre.

    I promise not to ever take Quinn to a playgroup!

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  3. it's not. I'm jewish and it's now. She is crazy.

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  4. The grocery store is usually dangerous for us, too. I've never heard of that coughing thing though...

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  5. you cant even make that shit up! and the delivery of such a bizarrely funny story made it 'classic' - you are a riot!!

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  6. Exactly what jodifur said "She is crazy." How bizarre that must have been!

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  7. Wow. Trying to figure out who I would offend if I sneeze in the grocery store.

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  8. This is EXACTLY why I don't go to the grocery store.

    Oh, wait, it's not. I just can't stand grocery shopping with 2 kids; 3 would be unimaginable. But this? Like Jodi said, just plain crazy.

    Crazy.

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  9. I agree. Back away from the crazy person. That is very odd. You kind of wonder what other situations this person has been in, that have led her to think people are conspiring against her.

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  10. So, all those times that you coughed near me, you were really just being antisemtic. Now I understand....Hmmm! That has got to be the weirdest thing I have heard in a while. I wonder what she could have possibly thought you meant. I am sure it wasn't funny at the time, but reading it sure is.

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  11. wow, that is the craziest thing! what a wacko!

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  12. Did you buy bananas because I'm a drunk?

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  13. You made muffins to insult me, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU!?!???

    This is equal parts horrifying and amusing. I TOTALLY would have backed away, too. Some kinds of crazy are not manageable with a civilian's tools.

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  14. As if pushing around the giant car shaped cart wasn't enough, I have to watch out for the crazy ladies looking for a fight?

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  15. You better watch out for that Quinn. He's dangerous.

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  16. I'm speechless. I guess growing up in Utah didn't prepare you for everything.

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  17. Clearly, you were asking for it.

    I agree, don't engage the crazies.

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  18. uuuuuh... Thats a new one!
    I'm just getting over bronchitis right now, so I'd better avoid the grocery store at all oosts!

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  19. Technically, you didn't answer the question. Did you cough when you went by her because she's a Jew?

    ;)

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  20. well, at least it's not lung cancer, it's some kind of discrimination tick *shrug*

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  21. and please tell me how you make pumpkin muffins out of "chocolate chips, bananas, and buttermilk" ?? I need the recipe!

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  22. Wow! This is the craziest thing I have ever heard!

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  23. Oh wow. My son goes to a Jewish preschool (and we're not) so thanks for the tip. I'll try my best not to cough in anybody's direction.

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  24. My friend Ross is from Texas and has a thick Texan accent. When he was working construction he had an assistant and after a while of asking him for things, the assistant FLIPPED OUT and screamed "STOP CALLING ME JEW!"

    Apparently every time Ross said "you" in his accent, the assistant thought he was saying "hey Jew eat yet? Hey could Jew get me some electrical tape?".

    So um, yeah, little sensitive.

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  25. OMG! That is crazy...there are some really weird people out there!

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  26. Forgive me but I'm kinda glad she said it! I've been laughing through the post and the comments too! "Did you buy bananas because I'm a drunk?" Oh people are so much fun!

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  27. Wow, I grew up in a really Jewish community and that's a first for me! LOL

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  28. I've logged a decent amount of vicarious/familial Jewish experience, and I've not heard of that one either. Wow.

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  29. That is just plain nuts. I would almost think you were making that up because it's just so weird but then you don't seem to be the type to make things up. It's so strange!

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  30. OK, I'm still trying to get over an old woman flipping the bird.

    But CLEARLY it was your fault for going to playgroup in the first place. Maybe this will teach you to think ahead.

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  31. Glad you didn't sneeze - who knows what you might have been implying!

    Also, nom-nom-nom, I want muffins.

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  32. First off, that is totally hi-lar-i-ous. Apparently you are attracting some of those disenfranchised Floridian voters...

    Second of all, I would have totally tried to rile her up some more. If she's coming unglued based on an involuntary cough, just think what level of supermarket chaos you could stir up with some real effort (and, I know that you could, too). However, it is good to know that Vicks now cures hate crimes...who knew??

    There's just too much to say, but I don't have the words to make it any funnier than it already is. Too bad you had kids with you, or you could have used your mommydaddybeaver words on her. At least you'll be prepared for next time...

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  33. Since I'm writing anyway, and we're making fun of those who probably should be properly escorted and monitored in public, I submit the following:

    We discovered the other night how to get good service from your waitress at the restaurant: make sure that her significant other is in the establishment trying to have a loud argument with her about money or some other personal issue while she hustles around the place with him yelling across the room. At least when she stopped at the tables, he would pipe down, so she made a few extra rounds to see that "everything was all right". Only in Montana?

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  34. This is classic. Maybe I should include you in the Adventures in Grocery Shopping project.

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  35. That is tragicomedy at its finest.

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  36. What on EARTH?!?! I'm gonna have to look that one up online! How old WAS this lady?!?!?! Was she maybe foreign or something? Holy shit!!!!

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  37. people? who are you calling people?

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  38. I read this a few days ago and emailed the post to myself so I could come back and comment when I got a chance.

    That's is all sorts of crazy! From now on, I'll be extra careful when coughing.

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  39. That lady was all sorts of crazy!

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  40. I know I'm late but OMGGGGG.

    THAT is HYSTERICAL.

    Crazy people crack my shit right up.

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  41. THAT was weird. And yet, if you cough around me at BlogHer, I just might get suspicious.

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Thanks for commenting! May you be visited by unicorns and kittens.