If You Take Quinn to a Playgroup…You Might Get Called an Anti-Semite

If you take Quinn to a playgroup…

…they might serve pumpkin muffins…

…Quinn might want more than the three pumpkin muffins you limit him to…

…so you might agree to make him muffins at home…

…and Quinn might remember that we don’t have chocolate chips at home…

…so you might go to the grocery store to buy chocolate chips, bananas, and buttermilk…

…then, because you’ve had a cough since November, you might cough as you walk past the checkouts…

…then an old woman might give you the finger…

…then you might walk over to the old woman and say, “Excuse me, ma’am, did you just give me the finger?”…

…and she might say, “Did you just cough when you walked past me because I’m a Jew?!”…

…and you might have to put your hands in the air and back away slowly before the crazy gets any deeper.

To sum up: If you take Quinn to a playgroup, you might get called an anti-Semite at the grocery store for coughing.

COUGHING, people. I had no idea that was some sort of code for that type of thing. Lesson learned.

44 thoughts on “If You Take Quinn to a Playgroup…You Might Get Called an Anti-Semite

  1. This is EXACTLY why I don’t go to the grocery store.

    Oh, wait, it’s not. I just can’t stand grocery shopping with 2 kids; 3 would be unimaginable. But this? Like Jodi said, just plain crazy.

    Crazy.

  2. I agree. Back away from the crazy person. That is very odd. You kind of wonder what other situations this person has been in, that have led her to think people are conspiring against her.

  3. So, all those times that you coughed near me, you were really just being antisemtic. Now I understand….Hmmm! That has got to be the weirdest thing I have heard in a while. I wonder what she could have possibly thought you meant. I am sure it wasn’t funny at the time, but reading it sure is.

  4. You made muffins to insult me, didn’t you? DIDN’T YOU!?!???

    This is equal parts horrifying and amusing. I TOTALLY would have backed away, too. Some kinds of crazy are not manageable with a civilian’s tools.

  5. My friend Ross is from Texas and has a thick Texan accent. When he was working construction he had an assistant and after a while of asking him for things, the assistant FLIPPED OUT and screamed “STOP CALLING ME JEW!”

    Apparently every time Ross said “you” in his accent, the assistant thought he was saying “hey Jew eat yet? Hey could Jew get me some electrical tape?”.

    So um, yeah, little sensitive.

  6. Forgive me but I’m kinda glad she said it! I’ve been laughing through the post and the comments too! “Did you buy bananas because I’m a drunk?” Oh people are so much fun!

  7. I’ve logged a decent amount of vicarious/familial Jewish experience, and I’ve not heard of that one either. Wow.

  8. That is just plain nuts. I would almost think you were making that up because it’s just so weird but then you don’t seem to be the type to make things up. It’s so strange!

  9. OK, I’m still trying to get over an old woman flipping the bird.

    But CLEARLY it was your fault for going to playgroup in the first place. Maybe this will teach you to think ahead.

  10. First off, that is totally hi-lar-i-ous. Apparently you are attracting some of those disenfranchised Floridian voters…

    Second of all, I would have totally tried to rile her up some more. If she’s coming unglued based on an involuntary cough, just think what level of supermarket chaos you could stir up with some real effort (and, I know that you could, too). However, it is good to know that Vicks now cures hate crimes…who knew??

    There’s just too much to say, but I don’t have the words to make it any funnier than it already is. Too bad you had kids with you, or you could have used your mommydaddybeaver words on her. At least you’ll be prepared for next time…

  11. Since I’m writing anyway, and we’re making fun of those who probably should be properly escorted and monitored in public, I submit the following:

    We discovered the other night how to get good service from your waitress at the restaurant: make sure that her significant other is in the establishment trying to have a loud argument with her about money or some other personal issue while she hustles around the place with him yelling across the room. At least when she stopped at the tables, he would pipe down, so she made a few extra rounds to see that “everything was all right”. Only in Montana?

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