Darkest Before the Dawn?

I did not have a stellar day today.

I had a realization yesterday that things are not going exceptionally well for me. Health-wise, body-wise, weight-wise, energy-wise…the center cannot hold. I decided that I had to make some serious changes and I had to make them NOW.

And by “NOW” I meant “tomorrow, AFTER I eat this pint of ice cream today.”

Most of the changes I want to make are simple, easy, and make a tremendous amount of sense. My problem is that I’m really, really tired. And overweight.

My answer is that I need to stop guzzling caffeine like it’s made out of crack and I need to stop eating ice cream like it’s made out of…ice cream. And I need to start exercising. And after my family, that has to be PRIORITY NUMBER ONE.

Day One of said program kind of sucked major shit though. I woke up tired. I took a nap. I let my house deteriorate even further into the messy chaos that it has become. Entropy is afoot, my friends.

While I was napping, my cough came back. You know, the one I’ve been whining about since November. I just wanted to start crying right then.

I called my sister—you know, the DOCTOR—and basically implied that she didn’t know the first thing about medicine when she refused to diagnose me over the phone with The Consumption. I badly wanted a diagnosis of The Consumption because I was hoping it would mean I would get sent to a sanatorium where I would sit on the porch in a rocking chair and overlook the green grounds while I coughed blood into a doily.

She suggested that maybe I might want to look into asthma. And she told me that if I told my doctor that I thought I had The Consumption, that my doctor might laugh at me.

When I told her that said doctor had given me an inhaler once, she suggested I try, you know, using it. And I scoffed and told her she knew nothing.

Then I went home and used the inhaler and I haven’t coughed since. And now I can never call my sister again.

But then I felt all woozy from the steroids in the inhaler and my kids came home from school and I did some more sketchy parenting, and then I had to take ANOTHER nap because I was all lethargic and tired what with my less caffeine and The Consumption and all.

And then it was dinner time and I made my kids hot dogs (Yum! Nitrates!), only we only had one bun. So I gave it to Quinn because he usually yells the loudest and then I put Sam and Jack’s hot dogs on a piece of wheat bread and doused them with ketchup and fed them to them in front of the TV.

That being the same TV that had been on for most of the day because I was napping and I know the TV/Lego Star Wars will keep them in one place and out of trouble.

Then I put them to bed and I exercised very lightly (because I am so out of shape that I have to exercise very lightly or I might well die—no shredding for me) for 40 minutes on my elliptical.

And then I came here and whined to y’all and you might want to bookmark this page for those days when you think you’re being a bad parent and you can come here and be all, “Oh, well at least I was conscious for most of the day, so I’m ahead of Stimey.” You probably also want to bookmark the page for my very up-to-date and important information on The Consumption.

It was a really bad day, y’all.

36 thoughts on “Darkest Before the Dawn?

  1. I love you very much, and am with you in your struggle. Taking care of yourself is very important, and I would be very sad if I had to wash the bloody doilies. Maybe Alex will wash them, and I can iron. You can do this. Also, entropy? I am heading for my OED.

  2. LOL

    oh Stimey, I haven’t worked out in a decade. I bow to you for going there. And caffeine is an appetite suppressant, so drink away. (Not helping, am I.) Feel better…

  3. Oh God Stimey. I clicked onto your site tonight after I saw your comment to me just to share that if your husband is concerned about a potential $300 pet bill you should read this recent post of mine. http://susanica.blogspot.com/2009/03/sticker-shock.html

    But then I saw this newer post that I didn’t see this afternoon and read it outloud to Susanne and we are both laughing so much we have tears streaming down our faces. Thank you for being so very awesome. Cuz no one can identify with your weary, somewhat hypocondriacal self! -Monica (and Susanne)

  4. So many hugs coming from me…I hope it gets better…soon. Not sure if you’re like me in this respect, but I try to change too many things at once and then I burn out and then I am depressed because I ‘failed’ and so goes the cycle. Very detailed vent though. All I have been able to muster is the “I burned rice” ‘essay’. *sigh*

  5. Dude, when is the “occupied by Legos and TV” age? Because I’m looking forward to that.

    And I’m so past needing to work out. I HAD to buy a bathing suit today because it’s either that or swim in my jeans this weekend. I was strangely detached from the whole process. I grabbed a size MUCH bigger than I what I think I am. And it fit.

    I would love to set some sort of plan in place to lose weight, but then I’m all, “Hey, chocolate chips – straight from the bag. LUNCH!”

  6. I’m stumbling through the spring break from hell. The tv/Wii/computer have been on more than I care to admit to the internets. Everyone I know is struggling with all sorts of things: life, finances, family…I think there’s something in the air and we all need better air or something like that. Or wine. Can’t go wrong with wine. ;)

  7. Oy, what a day. Don’t you worry, you’re no worse than the rest of us, and hey, I take two asthma inhalers every morning: more than one friend has suggested it’s why I’m so damn hyper. Maybe it’ll stimulate more activity (not that it’s worked for me, but you never know…).

    Hang in there.

  8. I had a bad day, too. It started with me yelling at Will, then slapping him, then both of us crying. And this was before he even ate breakfast. Then I went back to bed when he left for school and was late for work. I thought I was doing better when I ate a salad for lunch, but then ruined that by munching on junk food all day (but it was free, and just staring at me every time I walked by it!). So I had dance tonight for 2hrs, yay exercise! Except I stopped at Wendy’s on the way home and ate something called the Baconator. *shudder* I’m going to take a bath now and hope tomorrow is better.

  9. Ah, you are still quite full of passionate intensity. And I think there are still a few clinics left in Davos. Perhaps you could languish there during Spring Break?

  10. I have to take 3 different inhalers during wheeze and sneeze season (September through April), so I can relate to the coughing and feeling tired (when I don’t take my inhalers).

    I have found that playing with my son (throwing a football, biking, walking the dog, flying a kite) are all good exercise and fun too. I’m not one for those machines! Lol! Although I admire anyone who can stick with exercising on a machine. If it’s not fun and makes me feel good I know I won’t stick with it! I once had a stationary bike, and a treadmill that both became hangars!

  11. I’m so sorry to hear about your bad day…I can relate to so many of your feelings (minus the consumption). I am impressed with the 40 minutes on the elliptical! I did 25 yesterday and thought that was good! Little steps…you can’t change everything in a day!

  12. Bummer, all around.

    Any possibility of allergies? I get them bad this time of year, but Allegra really helps me.

    I am so with you on the weight/fitness thing. I keep saying I am going to start walking. But spring never comes. And I’ve gone out to lunch three days in a row. And I eat horribly fattingly, delicious things there. And then I go look at the things in my closet that don’t fit and get pissed off.

    Take care of yourself over the weekend and see what next week brings. (That’s my lame plan, and I’m happy to share.)

    Hang in there.

  13. Ugh, sorry you had such a bad day. Maybe less caffeine right off the bat isn’t the answer? I couldn’t get through my day without a cup of coffee. Also, the shredding is really NOT THAT BAD. Well, that’s a lie, it hurts, but you could literally not have worked out in 10 years and do it, at least the modified versions of the exercises–and its ON DEMAND, so its free! Try it, maybe the exercise will help you have more energy. Also, my new favorite thing is Ben & Jerry’s Strawberry Banana FroYo…like ice cream but with less guilt! Good luck!

  14. Yeah, maybe some Claritin. Remember when you thought you had an ear infection, and you needed a decongestant?

  15. I’m sorry you had a bad day, but you ARE SO VERY FUNNY!

    I don’t have consumption, but I could have written the rest of this (except that I am not NEARLY that funny). My workout plan has fizzled, I feel like crap, so I’m eating like crap, and no wonder I’m so tired all the time.

    And although I am NO poster child for Shredding, level 1 is hard, but you could do it. I did it, so really… ANYONE can do it. But you have Wii Fit, so who needs Jillian Michaels?

  16. OMG–reading your post, i felt like i was listening to all the voices in my head. I’m going through the same thing–feeling stressed, not taking care of myself or my house or my kids. I don’t have a cough, but a bad back that’s keeping me from exercising as much as I’d like. thanks for sharing, I know I’m not alone! And please, take it easy. :)

  17. Ok, so I know it’s impolite to laugh at another’s pain but…OMG! Only you can make Consumption sound glamorous! LMAO.

    Yeah, I’m so right there with you onthe taking care of myself dead last. Or is that once I’m dead?? Um, anyway, one step at a time. Get the breathing under control and you might have more energy. I’m just sayin’. Cause, you know, take my advice I’m sure not using it! xo

    Oh, and I bet you can too call your sister again; you’ll just have to eat some humble pie. I hear it’s low-cal, though, so that’s ok.

  18. WAIT A MINUTE, I can put my kids in front of the TV and just go take a nap? I mean, if I hadn’t drunk so much coffee and my eyes would actually close.

  19. You can write about a shitty day and still make me laugh. My sick sense of humor was LOL at the thought of you sitting on a rocker coughing blood into a doily. Sorry. I hope tomorrow is a better day. I hear ya on the fatigue. I keep telling myself that going to bed earlier and exercising might help that, but hell, that’s no fun.

    Have a great weekend.

  20. Hi, sorry you had such a rough day. I can certainly relate to parts of this — I was just thinking yesterday about my lack of exercise being reinforced by my lack of sleep. I’m concluding I need to work on the sleep first, at least to some degree, so that I will feel like I CAN exercise. But then I stay up too late and nix that plan. 40 minutes on the elliptical is not too shabby, I say (40 minutes more than I’ve done, in years).

  21. This is exactly why you need to move to Minnesota. I have days like this too. If you come love by me we can trade off kids. You can take care of mine on my bad days (Mon, Wed, Fri) and I can take care of yours on your bad days (Tues, Thurs, Sat). On Sundays we will get together and eat chocolate and drink wine and snort powdered caffeine to re-energize for the coming week.

    And I am printing this out and putting it on my fridge as a reminder of how hilarious and awesome you are.

  22. I feel like that all the time. Well, without the consumption. This week? No crap to eat, salads, fruit, water … and I still fill like that.

    Let me know what works, k?

  23. It seems that doctor family members/friends are no help at all. My good friend’s husband is a pediatrician and whenever I try to get him to answer questions about Lucas, he just looks at me in that interested way but never really takes a stand. It drives me crazy!

    Good luck!!!

  24. Wow – I could’ve written this myself. Sometimes (like every day) I drink so much caffeine that I swear I can literally feel it eating holes in my brain. And I often consider the sanitorium a fantasy destination – kind of an overworked mom’s all inclusive resort. And I was looking to you as a shining example that life with three boys would get easier as they got older. Bummer. Hang in there…

  25. I totally think The Consumption was invented by women who needed to Get The Hell Out. A rocking chair at a sanitorium sounds GREAT right about now!!!

  26. OMG —

    Please call me. We could be twins! Went to the allergist today after coughing my lungs up since November. He thinks I have a really BAD case of sinusitis w/postnasal drip making me cough then go into bronchial spasms. It’s been a long demoralizing road. And by the way, been doing WW since January and have lost 2 (count em, 2) pounds.

    Colleen (failed president) Z.

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