Saturday, May 9, 2009

And Then We Drew on the Dog With a Sharpie...

Oy.

Do you ever invite three girlfriends over and notice at the end of the night that they shared a bottle of chardonnay, but that you drank three quarters of a bottle of red wine all by yourself?

Oy.

I invited My friends L, Heather, and Melissa over the other night. They've all started blogging in the past few months, and I told them that I would share the wealth of my blogging experience (HA!) if they would come over and drink wine with me. So they did. And I told them stuff, and I learned stuff from them, and we did a whole lot of chatting. It was awesome.

I did have to do a little prep work before they got there. My kids generally sleep in only their underwear. (I know. We Stimeys are a classy people.) But because I had a feeling that they might make an appearance over the course of the evening, I made sure to dress them in pajamas. (I know. I'm smart.)

They were all, "Why are we wearing pajamas?" And I was all, "'Cause we're not animals." And, yes, I know that animals don't wear underpants.

Usually.

I was right about them coming out to visit with their various excuses too. And trying to get a kid to go back to his room after he sees a tub of chocolate dipping sauce and strawberries is kind of like forcing a gerbil to do tricks.

Not impossible.

But really, really hard.

It was sometime after I'd sent my kids back to their rooms several times, and the clock had passed 10 p.m. that I bragged to my friends that "my kids go to bed at 7:30." It took me a minute to understand why they were laughing so hard.

It was also somewhere around that time that L noticed my dog's face was swollen underneath her eye. And then a little later she noticed that the swelling had expanded. I was way too in the bag to even think about figuring out how to help her, so L took the situation into her own hands.

She determined that the swelling was probably a reaction to a bug bite and that it wasn't going to kill her immediately. Then she drew on the dog's face with a Sharpie.

You thought I was kidding about that, huh?

The theory was that if the swelling increased past the Sharpie line, we would know that the swelling had...increased.

First rule of Doggie Fight Club:
Don't talk about Doggie Fight Club.

You'll be happy to know that when I woke up this morning (and less hungover than I thought I would be!), her face was flat AND the Sharpie had faded to a dull pink.

I was excited to show my friends Twitter. I've been talking it up forever. I would like to thank all of you who responded to my plea to say hello to us. It would have been extremely embarrassing if no one had answered and I came off as a Twitter Loser after telling them how awesome Twitter is.

I was completely trashed by the time my friends left me with instructions to not blog drunk. And then I went to bed. This is, I believe, one of the best things about hosting—you don't need a designated driver to walk from your living room to your bed.

Good times.

And oy.

(I still have a quarter of a bottle of wine left. Anyone wanna share it?)

12 comments:

  1. L is the granddaughter of a vet. He would be proud.
    L's mom

    ReplyDelete
  2. I could use a glass or two!!! Hmmm...what kind of messages could I write on my dog with a sharpie?...how about "beware of dog".

    ReplyDelete
  3. Last weekend I drove to three different emergency vets and spent over $100 for a bendryl shot and treatment because my cat's entire face was swollen. And to think, I only needed a damn sharpie and a bottle of wine and it would've taken care of itself by morning (seriously it would've!).

    ReplyDelete
  4. When can I come over to share wine and Sharpies with you?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Our cat runs away if anyone approaches her with a marker pen or a chopstick. It's like she doesn't trust us or something.

    ReplyDelete
  6. .. and the dog sat still for sharpie near her eye? I'm thinking maybe the dog was sharing your wine and you just didn't notice.

    ReplyDelete
  7. me, me, me, me, me.... I wanna share!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I hate it when I drink so much faster than my companions.

    Maybe we can race in Chicago. I'll bring the Sharpie.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Dude, I sooo don't think a quarter bottle of wine is gonna be enough! I mean, if we're drawing doggie tats, we're gonna need more than that. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks for the fun evening! Glad to hear that the dog's swelling has decreased!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hey, we are equally classy around here. No PJs...they just add to our never ending pile of laundry. But since we have company coming at the end of the week, I probably should go buy my kids some PJs.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for commenting! May you be visited by unicorns and kittens.