Monday, August 3, 2009

Medical Advice Monday*

* Stolen shamelessly from the amazing KC. Except she gives advice and I'd dying. Probably.

I'm writing this on Saturday night in a hotel in Gaylord, Michigan. This is probably the last time I'll have internet for a while, so your medical advice, while undoubtedly very helpful (how could I go wrong asking the internet?), will probably not help me.

So, we drove 13 hours today. And aside from a round robin of child-puking in the car this morning, it all went very smoothly. Except for the fact that if you have a child who imitates/scripts everything he sees in a movie, you should probably not show him the movie Garfield Gets Real on the car DVD player, because there's a whole lot of burping and farting humor in it, and you might be totally in for it when he pulls out those fun new talents at school next year. Hypothetically.

Where was I? Oh, right. I'm dying.

After 13 hours of driving and a swim in the hotel pool, I looked at the spot on my thigh that's been itching all day. And I saw a two-inch in diameter red round rash that was slightly raised. Do I have Lyme's disease? If I ignore it for two weeks, will I die? What is the treatment for Lyme's disease?

Is it possible that it is just a semi-poisonous spider bite that will go away without my having to worry about it? Or die?

I'm scheduling this to post on Monday, two days from now, so hopefully I'll still be around by then. Wikipedia suggests that I am going to have issues with my central nervous system. Which upsets me, because although I like all my nervous systems, I'm particularly attached to my central one.

I hesitate to post a photo of the affected area because my thighs are not a thing I tend to like to share with the internet. So please ignore any stray veins you see and say nice things about how thin my thigh looks in the area around my death rash.

And shut up. I know what it looks like.

Not a boob.

What do you think? Is this my swan song?

23 comments:

  1. no good medical advice for you, although i'm glad you don't have a 3rd boob. you MUST update us to let us know how you are doing. as i always say, who needs a doc when you have internet friends to help?

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  2. It could be ringworm, which is basically athlete's foot. I don't think a Lyme rash itches. Or maybe a bug bite? I would try both hydrocortizone and an antifungal cream, one in the AM, one in the PM. See if that helps.

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  3. I don't think a tick rash would itch either. I say it's a general issue bug bite. Second the motion on the hydrocortisone cream.

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  4. Don't you usually get a bulls-eye rash from Lyme disease? You might just be having an allergic reaction to a bug bite. I would try creams and Benadryl before rushing to the doctor.

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  5. I think you were bitten by a boob.

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  6. that is definately NOT a lyme rash. a Lyme rash is more red center, white ring, red outer ring. you don't seem to hav a red outer ring. and I don't think it's a venemous spider bite because those usually ulcerate. I think it's just a regular spider bite or a really big misquito bite.

    you're gonna live stimey, central nervous system and all.

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  7. I think it looks like a good, old-fashioned, non-lethal and non-CNS destroying bug bite. Itching them makes them huge sometimes.

    It's better now, right?

    Also, glad its not a supernumerary nipple/boob.

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  8. Geez, after reading this and waitring for the "We've arrived!" tweets, I was all panicky that you'd gone into a terrible decline!

    Since it's not a boob, and it doesn't look like a tic or spider bite...I'm going to go with the audience opinion and say it's a garden variety bug bite. Probably acquired while doing that 30 Day Shred shoot in the wilds of the Denny's parking lot.

    Witch Hazel helps, too. You can get it cheap at any drug store.

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  9. If it's any help, that's exactly what I look like when I get a mosquito bite. Or nine.

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  10. I had something similar and totally wrote out my will.

    It's not Lyme though. THAT I had and really almost died. That rash isn't raised.

    What you have looks a lot like a bad spider bite or could be ringworm (like Sue said). Does it get red and more raised the more you scratch it? If so, DEF not tick related.

    Good luck.

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  11. Oh dear! I hope KC weights in with her medical opinion STAT!

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  12. Duh. Should have scrolled to see that KC had already responded. Now off to check your Twitter stream to make sure you are still alive!

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  13. I'm going with bug bite. Or ringworm. Or a stress-rash brought about by 13 hours in a car with puking kids and Garfield.

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  14. Me too, not a boob. Looks like it's gonna suck for a few days. Bwahahahahahahah

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  15. Wow, you're so brave to post a picture of you boob on the Internet. Leave it to Stimey to break down the barriers!

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  16. It really couldn't hurt to go to the doctor and have the blood test for Lyme, right? I mean, it WILL hurt, but at least you'd know for sure? Or at least go to the doc and have him/her check it out to see what he'she thinks it is. Just sayin'. You need to treat Lyme disease quickly or it can be hard to get rid of later.

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  17. Include my vote for NOT LYME DISEASE. I personally think your thigh has an inverted nipple. Or an infected mosquito bite...which if I were you, would cause me to panic and google west nile disease and still be adamant that I am dying... *shrug*

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  18. I just wanted to chime in here and say how thin and shapely your thigh looks... outside the boobified area. Hope its not driving you crazy.

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  19. That looks like what used to happen to me (and sometimes still does) when I get a mosquito bite. I definitely think it's not lyme.

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  20. Dude, if you have a third boob, you totally need to share.

    No fair hogging them all to yourself!

    (I think that might have come out wrong.)

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  21. Your comments bring me joy. :)

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Thanks for commenting! May you be visited by unicorns and kittens.