Comments (Mostly) Welcome

So this one time I wrote a post about gerbils. And I got some fun comments from you fellow gerbil lovers out there people who humor me. And then, weeks after I wrote the post, I started getting some unusual comments in an Asian language:

出張ホスト said…

女性会員様増加につき、当サイトの出張ホストが不足中です。女性の自宅やホテルに出向き、欲望を満たすお手伝いをしてくれる男性アルバイトをただいま募集していますので、興味のある方はTOPページから無料登録をお願いいたします

I figured out that they were Japanese and set about translating them using Babel Fish. For instance, that comment above translated to:

Concerning woman member increase, the business trip host of this site is in the midst of insufficiency. To go into the home and the hotel of the woman, because the man part-time job which does the helping which satisfies desire at present is collected, the one which has interest requests no charge register from the TOP page

I have a sneaking suspicion that this comment is of an unseemly nature, although it is hard to know for sure because of Babel Fish’s somewhat shaky translation.

It reminds me of this time that I had to write a letter to some Spanish-speaking people from my preschool to tell them that they had missed a registration deadline and couldn’t send their kid to the school. I wrote the letter in English and then translated it into Spanish. Then, to see how accurate it was, I translated it back into English.

And the back-to-English translation included words and phrases such as “enemy” and “not welcome” and “the halls of the preschool will flow with your child’s blood.”

Okay, not the last one, but you get the point about how Babel Fish is not to be entirely trusted. Or, alternately, that my writing style is more antagonistic than I thought. I have to admit, I was pretty surprised to see that “enemy” in there.

Anyway, I’ve gotten 11 or 12 of these Japanese comments by now and they’re pretty amusing.

This next is one of the most cryptic:

H it will wish to show in the helping of [o] ○ knee life and rescue section, from the woman [ero] copying [me], the movie will get! If the girl of neighborhood really being agreeable, H thing to be possible, the [chi] [ya] [u] whether!? The girl and playing summer it has become open it is concave

I’m curious as to what has become concave and whether it was really just open and concave to start with.

Oddly, a couple of these came with English email addresses. If I were really clever and bold, I would have emailed them and then posted the results of that here. But I am not that brave. But maybe I should have, because if I can heal the body of the woman, I can receive a large reward. Apparently.

The man with the amateur host of the leading part, just healing the body of the woman can receive large amount reward. The frustration human wife and the man the woman who does not have the coming out meeting seeks the man with this site and others the [tsu] plain gauze is. The one which has interest please from the TOP page

I am glad that they specified “human wife” what with these being comments on a post about gerbils and all. But I don’t think these commenters are as much into “healing the woman” as they are with “selling the woman for sex.”

For the woman it doesn’t try doing the business trip delivery host with the manners sight? It is large amount part-time job of hourly wage 20,000 Yen. After doing no charge register, because it just waits for the call from the woman, also the trial register is welcome. Interest the one which leaned now immediately please.

Evidently the euphemism for this is “do the glee,” which is a phrase I will be using with Alex from now on as much as possible.

The sweetheart you search with the net if, the male be completed do the glee. Romantic love relationship of your ideal starts from here. From the pure encounter, the etching which is divided it is anything to the encounter. From [mikushi] girl in the midst of mass influx! Story just of the coconut, now aims and it is the eye

I hope he knows how to use the coconut though, because I sure don’t.

With [sereburabu] the man whom you can meet with the [serebu] woman who requests healing from heart and [karada] is collected. With this site where the [serebu] woman gets together rich from her reward guaranteeing and feeling at rest as for the man the money, as for the woman you can satisfy the craving of the body. The one which is interest by all means please from this site top page

And I get that there are rewards and guarantees and feelings of rest and whatnot, but why on my site? And, more disturbingly, why on my post about gerbils? Also, please keep your gerbil/orifice jokes to yourself, thankyouverymuch.

All of which is a long way of saying that, for the first time ever, I have closed comments on a post.

17 thoughts on “Comments (Mostly) Welcome

  1. Wife and Mommy: “Laugh in compliance with you is doing in me. And in me is not working in your in order laugh. Stop it now!”

    I’m not doing anything in you. But I do agree to stop.

  2. Just imagine your concern if the translations somehow included the word “fartbomb”…Where do you go from there? Would you start to think your son knows Japanese?

    But on that note, perhaps Obama sneaked that word into his speech to students…I’m sure that’s how your boy picked it up!

  3. I am an actual translator. When I get together with other translators, we get our kicks by laughing at Babel Fish translations. Especially when U.S. hosts present them to foreign delegates and proudly state that they’ve translated documents just for them. I once watched as six members of the Spanish legislature left a meeting because they were trying too hard not to laugh.

  4. I’ve been getting these emails left and right for a couple of months now. Now I’m going to translate them and think happy thoughts.

    I never thought about Babel Fish giving shaky translations but that could be dangerous. Stop calling preschool parents your enemy. Actually, they are so carry on.

  5. Don’t you remember those twisted Richard Gere gerbil rumors from years ago …? I’m thinking your gerbil post stirred something up on the internets of a similar unseemly nature. In which case you might want to (perish the thought!) rethink your gerbil theme?? Just sayin’ …

  6. Hmm, I’ve never gotten any comments like that, but that may explain some weird English spam emails I’ve gotten that made no sense! I thought someone just randomly put words into the emails or that they were trying to be poetic or something!

  7. Hilarious post! It’s entertaining just to read and try to decipher the message attempting to be sent. I tried to use automatic translators in college as an Italian minor and was amazed when I would translate it back to English what it actually meant. Have a fantastic day!

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