I Am an Asshole

Hey! Does anyone remember yesterday when I was all, “My kids are fakers and liars! No one is sick!” and I wrote a whole post about it?

Turns out they’re sick.

Sam appears to be fine, but last night after I’d gone to bed, but before Alex went to bed, Jack evidently threw up copious amounts of vomit all over his bed.

Then, this morning, minutes before putting Jack and Quinn in the car to drop Quinn off at school, Quinn started sobbing and saying his head hurt and that he was sick. I had to believe him because, well, because of yesterday, but also because he was supposed to go on a field trip to the bread store today and have lunch bunch after school, both of which are things he’d been looking forward to.

It’s quite possible I made the right decision as both of them have been quietly laying on the couch in a different room than me for a half hour.

So, to repeat: I am an asshole for not only not believing my kids when they said they were sick, but for accusing them all over the internet of faking. Did you miss that the first time? I am an asshole.

As Alex pointed out, even the boy who cried wolf ended up being eaten by a wolf, right? (Or maybe his sheep did, but regardless, at some point there was a wolf, and I bet that kid’s mom felt like a real jerk for ignoring his screams for help.)

This post is dedicated to Alex, who was practically rubbing his hands together this morning in glee and anticipation of my mea culpa post. “What are the chances that the day you write an entire post about them faking being sick that Jack would throw up all over?!” he asked delightedly. I suppose I’ll give him his delight as he was the one who had to clean up all the barf last night.

Edited to Add: It IS possible that Quinn is faking. He’s remarkably perky for someone who was laying on the floor whining an hour ago.

23 thoughts on “I Am an Asshole

  1. I was a notorious hypochondriac as a kid, coming up with all sorts of ailments to get to stay home from school. It didn’t take long for my mom to ignore my claims – nor much longer for me to puke all over myself and the hallway and the janitor at school. But the misery and embarrassment of that experience was enough to make me think twice about faking illness.

  2. Lol we’ve all been there before! I too have been an asshole, not believing my child was sick! She’s really good (at 4) at telling you she has a belly-ache to get out of cleaning her room and stuff. Mostly I’m sure shes fine, but there have been times I’ve called “bullshit” only to have her puke all over! Its ok!

  3. 1. I was gloating to my husband that my kids haven’t been sick all winter, thanks to my wonderful immune system and judicious allocation of antibiotics. Yes, the next day Gremlin had a hacking, croupy cough. Thanks Karma, for keeping me in check.

    2. He’s home again today because his ears hurt. He may be faking as well but we’re headed to the pedi as soon as he finishes Indiana Jones Wii.

  4. It’s a conspiracy cooked up by Alex for the sole purpose of forcing your hand to write just such a post. I’d start watching him VERY carefully, if you know what I mean… ;-)

  5. Oh, I wrote the same mea culpa post earlier this year. And think of it this way, you would not have to write it if your kids didn’t FAKE about being sick. Right?

  6. I’d telling you – you were not wrong to be skeptical. Rei and Foster are home AGAIN today, complaining AGAIN of the sick stomach. The only reason they are home is because MY stomach hurts and if I send them to school knowing A) they say they don’t feel well & B) I don’t feel well and then one of them hurls, I’m the asshole who sent the vomiting kids to school. Motherhood – the eternal lose-lose situation.

  7. Well. Now you know. The little hand drawn thought bubble means real sickness.

    Don’t waste time feeling bad. Focus on feeling good that Alex is the one that got stuck cleaning up vomit.

  8. I’m a little behind on blog-reading, and was JUUUUUST about to comment on your last entry that, in addition to being edibly cute, Jack’s eyes actually looked–to my Jewish-mommy-who-can’t-help-but-butt-in-everywhere’s eyes–a little shadowy and red and just…sick…and that taking him home was a good choice.

    And then I read this.

    So now I don’t have to do that. Because you know.

    On a related note? I love Alex.

  9. You have my deepest, heart-felt sympathy. We’re on day 8 of v&d in this house (the second bug of the year!). I hope your kids recover quickly and don’t give it to you.
    My eldest claimed every morning for about a year to have a tummy-ache. It usually bothered her most on the way to school. Sure enough, one day she vomited in the classroom. Instant fame and extreme mother-guilt. I think we’ve all been there!

  10. Dude. At least you didn’t insist that they eat their dinner prior to the barfing. I did that. What regrets I had as I cleaned it up! I’m an asshole too and never ever eligible for any parenting award!

  11. So sorry… yes, Jack does look ill.

    Quinn, can’t tell, he is pretty wrapped up in his blanket. He does look a slight bit brighter than Jack.

    I hope they’re both feeling better by now!

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