Friday, May 14, 2010

Dipshit Friday: Mother of the Year Edition

I saved this story for y'all 'specially for Dispshit Friday.*

Sam's Spring Concert was yesterday. The fact that it was yesterday was memorable because I had two other events that I would have liked to attend that were also yesterday. Obviously, I chose to go to Sam's concert. Alex even made plans to meet us there after work. The concert was to start at 7, with the kids supposed to be there at 6:30.

Here's the thing though. (And there's always a thing, isn't there?) At some point after everyone got home yesterday afternoon, I started to feel a little woozy. I don't know if I've come down with a mysterious case of The Vertigo or if it's still just The Ague, but regardless, it's obviously very Serious and something that should allow me to lie down on my couch without guilt, right? Especially if my children are happily and safely playing video games nearby.

There's a problem with "lying down on the couch." When I "lie down on the couch," I "fall asleep immediately."

At some point my cell phone rang. I opened my eyes for a second, did a little count of my kids, figured that since they were all there, I didn't really need to answer the phone, and closed my eyes again. When my cell phone rang again, I started to reconsider my decision, but after a quick recount of my kids, I closed my eyes again.

Then my home line rang. This time when I opened my eyes, they fell upon the clock. Because it's me and I am the worst mom in the world, of course it was 6:50.

I'm not sure exactly what happened next, but I think I did a lot of jabbering and yelling about, "ohmygodit'salmostsevenputonyourshoesgetinthecarwehavetogonow!" I also did some wiping off of the drool on my face and wondering as to whether there was a pillow imprint on my cheek.

Obviously those phone calls were from Alex, who was all, "I've never gotten anywhere before Jean. What's going on?" I called Alex as we careened toward the school in our car. I told him I was about four minutes away and he said, I kid you not, "I'll try to stall them."

A couple minutes later, I dropped Sam off, parked the car, and we ended up getting to the auditorium just before the second graders marched by on their way to the stage. I even managed to take a photo of Sam, pre-show.

Of course.

But at least we made it. All hail Alex the Hero. Hooray for Sam, who did a great job. Woohoo for our front row seats sitting on the floor in front of everyone else. (Ahhh! So that's how you get the good seats. You don't arrive arrive late!)

Lesson learned: I can never lie down again.

* Feel free to play along! I know there are dipshits among you.


  1. Is Sam doing something different with his hair these days? It makes him look a little fuzzy.

    If one wanted to play along, could one yoink your dipshit Friday thingie? The yellow thing that I can't think of what it's called? Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?

  2. This made me laugh! Thanks for the giggle (at your expense) this morning.

  3. I had to lol at the picture of Sam. I'm so glad he made it in time. I'm hoping when you woke up the dizziness was gone???

  4. hahahaha It makes me feel better that other people do this kind of stuff too. hahahaha

  5. Jen (and anyone else who wants to play along): By all means, steal away. Since you can't remember what the "thingy" is called, I'm going to say you're a natural for Dipshit Friday. :)

    p.s. It's a button. Or a badge. Or an icon. Or a jpeg. Or, really whatever you want to call it. :)

  6. too funny! reminds me of modern family when claire was supposed to get up early to get her husband an ipad and she fell back to sleep!

  7. Last night I forgot to pick up my son at basketball practice and I wasn't even asleep, I was doing laundry. Practice is over at 8:00, I looked at my watch and it was 8:05. (luckily the school is only about 2 minutes away.)

  8. I think I win: I closed the overhead trunk door of my minivan on my little 2 year old's head today...poor girl! (sigh) It hasn't been a very good week.

  9. I bet the shot of adrenaline you got when you looked at the clock was enough to power a small city! Or 3 kids.

    I, for one, think you need to take it easy on yourself. You really are in the running for mother of the year with all the playdates, visits to museums, doctor's appointments, and school concerts. Sounds to me like Mommy Stimey needs some good old fashioned R&R!

  10. I think you should start entering photo contests, you can really capture a moment!

  11. I've soooo done this before. At least you made it, right?


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