The Lizard That Ate Jack’s Shirt

I don’t know why I continue to ask Jack how school was every day when he gets off the bus, because everyday he says the same thing: “Awesome.”

Well, maybe it’s just because I like hearing “awesome.”

Regardless, today I asked him how school was and he said, “awesome.” But then his eyes drifted to the side and he said, “Yeah, except for in math.”

“What happened in math?” I asked.

He answered, “Ms. B brought a lizard and it nibbled my shirt.” Then he unzipped his sweatshirt and showed me his t-shirt collar, which had been ripped about half way off his shirt.

I’m going to give you a warning here: Don’t fall for Jack’s lies.

That lizard? Well, last year the gym teacher brought it to school and it nibbled one of Jack’s shirts then. The lizard has also made more than one appearance in my home, nibbling not just on Jack’s shirt, but on one of my curtains.

I have a feeling that the lizard looks a lot like Jack. Also that it occasionally transmogrifies into a pair of scissors.

Usually the lizard doesn’t need scissors though. If I send Jack to school in clothing with a tiny hole in it, that hole will get ripped over the course of the day to a gaping tear…

What? You don’t send your kids to school in clothes with holes in them? (Is this like the time when I revealed that it had never occurred to me to put a napkin in my kids’ lunchboxes? Honestly, I could use a social skills group myself.)

Jack is pretty insistent about the existence of the lizard (and where he came up with that, I do not know), but he was at least able to admit that if I were to ask his teacher about the lizard that she would not necessarily back up his story but would instead say “Maybe.”

I think, in fact, that she would probably do what I do, which is pretend to be stern and try not to let Jack know how hilarious he can be.

Unfortunately, I think he knows.

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