Things Come Out of My Brain

It happens for real.

I meant to post this at the end of last year, but kept forgetting. In lieu of other funny things going on in my life, I think I’ll let Jack entertain you.*

First, with the picture above. Please notice that in that drawing, Jack has Lego-man hands. This drawing is actually from last week.

Second, with some school work from last year. Every Friday last school year, Jack had to write a sentence for each of ten spelling words. Reading those sentences on Friday afternoons was sometimes the highlight of my week. Here are a few of them. I’ve bolded the spelling word and added my own pithy little comments in italics to some of them. (Because I just can’t seem to shut up ever.)

Also, some of the bolded words are just my best guess. It’s entirely possible that Jack wrote sentences that didn’t even include the required vocabulary word. And I certainly can’t be bothered to go back and look them up. Plus I can’t, because I threw the papers away. Hence the need for this post.


The zombies won’t come to MY house.  
Lest you all think we’re holding Dawn of the Dead movie festivals at my house, rest assured that this comes from Plants vs. Zombies.

I usually wear formal clothes at night.  
You know, the tuxedo pajamas.

I only have one chance to finish my homework.  

My skin is glossy when it has lotion on it.  

I’m not chubby, I’m adorable.  
I’m both.

Did anyone order a knuckle sandwich?  
Seriously. What did the teacher expect by giving “knuckle” as a vocab word?

I never ever disagree.  
Are you kidding me?

Never ever ever ever disobey.  
Good advice. Jack should look into following it.

I am NEVER dishonest!  
The irony is that this statement is a lie.

I cuddle with my mom.  

My mom has beauty and I love her.  
Oooh! My favorite sentence thus far!

I trust my mom. I love her too.  
No, wait. This one is even better. This is maybe the greatest compliment I’ve ever received.

Please guess my name if you must.  

Mocking machines copy your every move.  

I need a LONG vacation.  
Next to this sentence, the teacher wrote, “Me too.”

I hate subtraction so much.  

I LOVE addition so much. 

Transportation is worst for me.  
Worse even than subtraction?

I realize whiteout is near—it erases pen writing. 
I’m glad to hear that Jack’s crucial Whiteout Sense is working.

When Quinn is sick I sympathize with him.  

Mercy Watson is a porcine wonder.  
The teacher let the kids choose the words the last week. This was Jack’s choice.

Don’t play with fireworks or you will lose fingers.  

Do not play with sparklers or you will get burned.  
It’s possible I’m using too many scare tactics with my children.

Argh. I am totally traumatized.  
Sorry, Jack.

* Izzy is doing okay and is almost for sure coming home tomorrow, when I will begin a regimen of meds and sub-q fluids. Cross your fingers.

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