A Tale of Two Field Trips

Sam had a field trip today. The third grade was going to see a production of Bunnicula at a local playhouse. As a longtime fan of Bunnicula as well as its many sequels, including Howliday Inn and The Celery Stalks at Midnight, I was all over chaperoning that trip.

The day that permission slip came home, I scoured it looking for the blank space where I could put my name down, thus ensuring a lovely trip to the theater without my two most ants in the pants children.

Naturally, there was no such space.

Evidently third graders don’t need chaperones at the theater. I’m sure when they go to the Boring Museum of Boringness on the busiest day of the year, then there will be a blank space for people to volunteer to chaperone.

Speaking of field trips that are kind of a nightmare to chaperone, the kindergarteners went to the pumpkin patch today. Guess whose permission slip had a spot for my name?

That’s us on the bus, shortly before I commenced to trying to not barf.*

I was in charge of three small children. Naturally the first thing I did was take them into a maze made out of hay bales. Good call, Stimey. I was smart enough, however, to keep them out of the corn maze, which, although less sneezy, was taller and easier to lose a child in.

My own family had gone to this pumpkin patch on Sunday, so I had the inside information on what to avoid. Unfortunately, I’d forgotten to write “kindergarten field trip” on the list.

Nightmarish as field trips are, there are at least two things I had going for me: (1) I have three kids, so I wasn’t as flipped out as some of the chaperones who are parents of only children. Ha, ha, ha, ha, motherfuckers! Welcome to my world! and (2) I like seeing Quinn in his school habitat. It’s fun to see him with his peers. He wasn’t super social in preschool, so it was neat to see him with buddies this year.

It was also cool to see him happily and generously share the candy corn I’d put in his lunch.

He only kept a third for himself. But it was the yellow part.**

The one thing we all had to do, other than be back at the bus by 12:40, was go on a hayride out to the pumpkin field and pick out a pumpkin. Naturally one of my little charges found the biggest pumpkin in the pumpkin patch. Fortunately, he decided it was too heavy before I broke down and agreed to carry it in my backpack, so he selected a smaller one.

I gave in to carrying the pumpkins because the other kid didn’t want to choose a pumpkin because he didn’t want to carry it. I felt that going back to the bus with three kids and two pumpkins might somehow be worse than going back with just two kids. At least THAT would have been expected of me.

But Quinn? Quinn found his pumpkin right off.

He is SO FUCKING PROUD of that pumpkin.

I selected a lovely, medium-sized, orange pumpkin for myself. Then Quinn found the pumpkin he preferred that I choose for myself.

Lucky me.

Shortly thereafter, we boarded the school bus and returned to the school.

I mean the “Cool Bus.”

Quinn spent the entire trip back to the school laying down on a seat. All that bragging about his green pumpkin must have been tiring.

I didn’t throw up on this bus trip either.

 In case you’re wondering, Sam said Bunnicula was awesome.

* I succeeded. Small victories are awesome.

** Dude, I’m kidding. But funny. So very funny.


I leave you with one last photo, just because it’s so funny. You know how when kids have their school pictures taken, sometimes they have a second, optional photo with weird backgrounds and props? Like, sit in front of this lamppost and hold this rubber duck? And then your kid smiles that school photo smile and it’s so hilarious that you have to buy the photo even though it costs $13.50 a print?


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