Two-Car Family

We bought a car yesterday. It was really exciting. We’ve been a one-car family since 2003, when we moved to Maryland, and it’s worked out pretty well for us. Lately, however, it’s been getting tougher. There have been more and more times lately when two of our kids need to be in different places at the same time.

And since, much to Alex’s (hopefully mock) chagrin, I won’t let him put any of our kids on his motorcycle, we’ve had days where we’ve been stuck. The day that Alex, Sam, and Quinn had to take a cab to Sam’s soccer game is perhaps the most recent and most egregious example, although I have dragged munchkins on more buses and long walks than I care to remember.

We decided to buy a Ford Fusion and Alex found a great deal, so yesterday we headed up to the dealership en masse to buy us a car. Because there’s really nothing better than taking a bunch of kids with you to buy a car. I mean, how long could it take, right?

I should have remembered that it takes a long time because last time we bought a car, I was pregnant with Quinn, which means I had a three-year-old Sam and a one-and-a-half-year-old Jack with me and we climbed in and out of every single car in the showroom at least 12 times while Alex dealt with the salesperson.

Clearly Team Stimey does not learn from the past. Hence our being doomed to repeat it.

Here we are letting our kids run around in a parking lot.

Here is Sam telling us we are about to waste thousands of dollars because
the car costs a lot. Also notice Quinn trying to break in.

We dragged the munchkins out on a test drive, during which they were really freaked out because I think they thought (a) we were stealing the car, and (b) we’d forgotten about our old car parked back in the lot. They kept telling us to turn around.

After that, it was into the showroom, where there were a surprising number of people with small children. I guess that’s what families do on Friday nights. However, no one else was smart enough to make use of the Child Containment Units in the corner, also known as “colorful squares adhered to the floor.”

Or maybe instead of “smart,” it’s just that their
children were “better behaved than mine.”

Colorful squares adhered to the floor can only keep my kids entertained for so long, however. Before long, we had to move to the one car in the showroom.

Please notice that he buckled his seat belt right off the bat.

I got tired of the inside of the car before the munchkins did. Fortunately, some kind salesperson took pity on us and gave us two coloring books.

Um. Two.

These guys were happy.

After holding them off for a good hour, I finally gave in and handed them my iPhone and their DSi. That held them for another hour when I finally gave up and dragged them home, leaving Alex behind. Alex finally came home an hour after that.

But it was so worth it. Because we went from this:

 Stupid, lame, old, dirty van.

To this:

Awesome Ford Fusion. *angels singing*

That color? Is called Blue Flame. Holy shit it is bright. Alex will probably be calling it Blue Steel and making lots of Zoolander jokes, which would only be improved had we purchased the car in the color known as Steel Blue, I kid you not.

This car has a sunroof. A sunroof. I’ve never had a sunroof. I am more excited about this than I should be. I will, however, almost definitely leave it open over and over again. I can’t wait until Snowpocalypse 2011 when I forget to close the thing and come out in the morning to find three feet of snow filling our new car.

The car also listens to voice commands. Just today I said, “Play artist the White Stripes,” and the White Stripes, loaded on my iPhone, came playing through the car speakers. The car will text for me through voice command if I ever figure out how to do it—and figure out someone I need to text.

That might take a while though. I accidently replied “yes” to one of the car’s questions and redialed a store I’d called earlier in the day. It took me a full minute to figure out how to hang up on them without saying hello. I’m an asshole.

I imagine it is kind of funny to see me get out of the damn thing. After more than a decade of driving SUVs and minivans, I can no longer climb out of a regular car. It’s a little weird to be so low to the ground, I tell you.

But did I say it’s worth it? ‘Cause it is. Because:

1. Sunroof
2. The car listens to me, which is more than I can say for anyone else in this house.
3. Zoolander jokes
4. No crumbs wedged in the seats. Yet.
5. No more cabs or buses
6. No car payments. Hmmm. No. Insurance only on one car. Huh. No again. Good for the environment. Convenience.

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