Tuesday, November 16, 2010

For the Love of God, Won't SOMEBODY Think of the Pumpkins?!

Remember this? (You know, from my last post.)

Hello, cutie!

What I didn't show you is that our "cute little friend" is actually a zombie squirrel!

Brains! Braaaiiinns! Pumpkin Braaaiinns!

 He's not so cute now, is he?

Anyway, that's not what we're here to discuss. What we're here to discuss is that all of your were so kind to not mention in the comments on my last post that it is mid-fucking-November so why the hell are your pumpkins still on your porch?

Short answer: Laziness.

Medium answer: Laziness. You should see the weed situation in front of our house.

Long answer: So, Alex was supposed to remove the pumpkins last year and I waited and waited and waited and he never got rid of them so finally I had to schlep them all over to the garbage can myself because the neighbors were all starting to give us the stink eye, and so this year I decided that I was NOT going to do it myself because I can outlast that motherfucker if it takes me and those pumpkins until Christmas.

Zombie squirrel aside, my front porch has turned into somewhat of a horror show.

 WHHHHYYYY??


Remember Raiders of the Lost Ark when the guy's face melted?

Every time I remind Alex that he needs to throw the pumpkins away, he has some sort of excuse, like "It's dark out," or "It's dark AND raining out," or "Goddammit, Jean, let go of my sleeve, I have to go to work!"

See, we tend to come in and out of our side door, where the pumpkins are not, so I only see them a couple of times a day, generally when it is unpleasant or job-threatening for Alex to pick them up. But today when he gets home from work, I'll remind him before he even gets in the house.

It's time to put them out of their misery.

I bet there are a lot of you out there that are super glad you're not married to me.*

* Shut up, Alex.

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