1. Discover Santa’s ass.
2. Find awesome tree.
3. Become awesome tree.
4. Play with fire.
5. Coordinate free rescue squad hat with coat, scarf, and eyes.
6. Decide to write Christmas letters to Santa.
7. Be forcibly cleaned up before the annual trip to the mall to see Santa.
8. Practice being photogenic.
9. See Santa, deliver letters, fight over who has to sit on Santa’s lap.
10. Take a train ride in the little locomotive that tools around the mall for $3 per person, driven by a surly teenager who honked at a lot of not-quite-fast-enough mall customers.
11. Decorate your brothers’ room.
12. Read The Night Before Christmas.
13. Generally cause trouble.
14. Wonder why the people are putting a tree in the living room again.
15. Figure out how many members of Team Stimey it takes to put a star on a tree.
16. Finally pull apart the wishbone from Thanksgiving.
17. Know that even if it’s not the most, let’s say “elegant,” it’s still perfect.