Sunday, April 10, 2011

It's a Zoo in Here

I just deleted a whole bunch of stuff I wrote about yet another episode of Team Stimey's public vomiting. (Jack this time.) I will now pick up my story where that left off, which is the veterinarian appointment that I had to take Jack to because he threw up at school.

Let me be clear here: I wasn't taking Jack to the vet. I was taking the dog. Jack had to tag along.

I generally make appointments at the veterinarian when my kids are in school for precise reasons which are about to become obvious to you. My dog has had goopy eyes recently, so I had made an appointment to take her in Friday when I didn't have any kids with me.

Enter Jack.

Now, just so you know, our vet always has a cat in a cage in the lobby. This cat is looking for his "forever home." There was a cat named Dexter who was there for a long time and I had almost convinced Alex that we were his people when someone else adopted him.

I still miss Dexter.

The cat who is there now is absolutely hilarious, but he is a bit of a recreational biter, something Jack discovered whilst petting the creature. Jack screamed, "Yeoutch!!" ran to the other side of the waiting room and started to cry. I gave him a hug and told him that some cats bite when they are playing, not because they are mean. I reminded him that one of our cats, Denali, bites sometimes. I forgot for a second that all the munchkins call Denali "the mean cat."

Anyway, Jack recovers, walks back over to the cat and says, with the greatest of venom in his voice, "You're despicable." Then, to anyone who will listen, "That cat is vicious."

This cat:

Awww, who's a cutey, pooty kitty cat?

I had to drag Jack away from hurling epithets at the cat to go into the exam room when we were called, where he played happily with a model of dog teeth the entire time I was talking to the vet, pausing only to make the teeth bite me occasionally.

We returned to the lobby a half hour later to a whole fresh batch of clients. Jack proceeded to let all of them know that that cat, yes, that cat there? "She's a MONSTER."

Also, who doesn't look sick anymore?

Then, and I swear that he did this all by himself and that I didn't shove him in there, Jack decided he wanted to be a kitty cat and he climbed in the vacant cage in the lobby.

I didn't put him there, but I might be the grinning jerk
visible in the background with my camera.

I am happy to report that Jack didn't bite anyone. He did, however, crawl out of the office on his hands and knees, meowing.

And that right there, is why I make appointments while my kids are in school. Imagine that scene with three of them AND my jerky dog, who has on-leash aggression to other dogs...which you tend to find in vet offices.

Naturally, there is now one more place on my list of Places To Which We Can Never Return.

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