Yep. They’re My Kids.

So, you’re aware we have a pool, right?

Well, having an above ground pool in our yard has brought us much joy. My kids LOVE to swim in it and I love being able to let one or two of them swim even if the third doesn’t want to. I ADORE having this pool in the backyard, even if I did recently learn that they are evidently one of the signs of trashiness.

Cars on blocks in the front yard and having a house entirely shrouded by weeds might be other signs.

Along with the joy of the pool, however, comes the fear of accidental drowning. In fact, that is one of my biggest rationales for never having joined a pool before. I have three kids and only two eyes, so I am terribly afraid to take all of them to the pool by myself. Alex, on the other hand, does it all the time. He’s a rock star. Also, evidently all of my kids can swim, so there’s that.

Nonetheless, I am extremely vigilant about our pool. County code states that to have an above ground pool, there are several conditions you have to abide by. The one we fall under is that we have an entirely fenced yard and the doors leading to the pool have alarms.

Let me tell you, if I’m somewhere in my house and hear the little “ping!” that lets me know that an outside door has opened, I am all over it. In fact, our alarm system has always been more about not letting anyone get out of our house than preventing people from getting in.

As long as that pool is out there, there will not be a child in my backyard without a supervising adult present. 

Along with that precaution is my vigilant removal of the pool ladder every time my kids get out of the pool. Furthermore, we lock the ladder to our deck with a combination lock to keep our kids from setting up the pool without us.

All three children are OUTRAGED that I will not tell them the combination. Each of them has come to me privately and asked me to just tell them. They don’t seem to grasp that, Hello! Your not knowing the code is the whole damn point.

And, no, I’m not going to tell YOU the code either because loose lips sink ships.

Naturally, when I got the lock, the first thing I did was try to make dirty words out of the letters. That’s when I took this photo for you:

It can also say “POOP.” But it won’t say “FUCK.” I tried.

I let Jack play with the lock one day, although part of me was a little worried that he would use his brain to crack the code. (He didn’t.) Not long after I handed him the lock, he came over to show me what he had discovered.

Yep. “BUTT.”

That’s my boy. I’m so proud. I swear I didn’t show that to him.

Normally I would close this post with that, but I have one more ladder-related thing to share with you. (Man, this blog is full of intelligent discourse, isn’t it?)

This morning, as I was locking up the ladder, Quinn, who clearly has his priorities straight, said to me, “I don’t know the code. Can you tell me the code right before you die? Because I might want to go swimming.”

Kids’ brains are wacky little places, aren’t they? Fortunately, Alex knows the code too, but if, God forbid, something were to happen to both of us, we’d have to rely on Jack’s code-breaking skills. Unfortunately, I think we all know what words he would try first.

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