Algernon Goes to IKEA

Hi friends! I’m a little out of sorts today. I came home from dropping my kids off at school today and then sat forlornly at my desk for the next four hours without even bothering to take off my coat. I’m going to call it Winter Blues instead of Crushing Depression, because that sounds better.

At some point, I was all, “I should leave the house. That would help.”

But then, the only place I could think of going was to the vet to murder my mouse and then I didn’t feel better at all. So I just remained there…at my desk…in my coat…avoiding murdering my mouse.

We have an appointment tomorrow. I think I’ll feed Whiskers a lot of peanuts tonight.

I have a long list of actual work I should do, but instead of that, I’m going to change the subject and tell you about a trip Algernon took to IKEA a while back. We were looking for a rug for Sam’s room. Our mission was a little bit desperate, because Sam had objected to us removing the dog pee-stained carpet in his room and we told him we would put it back over the refinished hardwood floors if we didn’t find a better option. Needless to say, we were incredibly motivated.

Unfortunately, IKEA is inscrutable.

Algernon was all, “What the fuck? Where are the rugs?”

I am happy to report that after a lot of poking around, we were able to locate a shaggy red rug that Sam deemed appropriate. We were willing to spend one millllllion dollars to get rid of the gross carpet, but this one cost only $79. AND we had three individuals to help carry it.

Although two of them were less than helpful.
Also, what are those dirty towels hanging from the ceiling?

Naturally, we stopped at the IKEA cafeteria for a snack. As you do.

Algernon wanted Dryck Flader.

I would like to take a moment to discuss Dryck Flader. What? Why? And how many boxes of that do you think they’ve sold in the past few years?

I’m guessing zero.

The cafeteria is right next to the kids section where you can find all kinds of tiny, plastic furniture and inexpensive stuffed animals.


“There are…so, so, so many of them.”

Point the first: I’m sure it doesn’t surprise you that we already own many of these rats and their smaller mice friends.

Point the second: You know you’ve done some dumb things when creating mice scenes in IKEA and photographing them doesn’t embarrass you in the slightest.

Point the third: Algernon had to take a moment to tell an IKEA mouse that while life on the outside is infinitely dirtier, it is also far more awesome.

“And then, she carries me around in her purse and
sometimes takes me out in strange places!”

I’m thinking of making Algernon do all my holiday shopping this year. That would save me a lot of time. It would also free up a lot of time for me to sit at my desk by myself. I also imagine that he would have excellent taste in gifts. I don’t know why, but I think he would buy lot of tiaras.

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