Stimeyblots

I think it is possible that I haven’t shared enough of my psyche with you yet. I mean, no one has shown up at my house to pad my walls yet, so I feel as if maybe I’ve been hiding too much from you.

We’re going to change all that tonight.

I had an opportunity recently to take a Rorschach test. Fortunately, part of the test was not knowing how to spell “Rorschach” because that is the hardest word to spell since, well, ever. And, yes, I know it is a name. That doesn’t make it better.

I’m going to run you through what I saw in the ink blots. I know. I’m not sure we’re ready either, but I haven’t manicured any rodents this week, so we’re going to have to go with it because I don’t have anything else to write about.

Now, I’ve taken the liberty of including a link to the Wikipedia page for the Rorschach test, so you can find out what you were SUPPOSED to see. (No, they aren’t all penises, you sickos.)

I suggest you wait until after you guess to see if you were correct. That’s how it works, right? You correctly identify enough moths in the ink blots and you get a piece of paper stamped “MENTALLY STABLE”? Because mine hasn’t come yet, but sometimes the mail runs slow.

For those of you out there who are either real psychologists or armchair psychologists, let’s not try too hard to get to the depths of Stimey and the inner recesses of her brain. No one wants that. Like, if my answers make it clear that I have repressed memories of a Godzilla rampage in my youth, I don’t need to know.

Well. THAT I need to know—frankly, THAT the world needs to know—but you get the gist.

So, sit down, buckle up, and welcome to my mind.

Inkblot one: Clearly this one is a movie poster. I mean, isn’t this the image movie producers regularly use to freak people out when they walk past the movie theaters?

Here’s the thing though. This was card number one and I didn’t want to come off as a crazy person, so instead of telling the tester that, I honed in on those little pinchy things at the top middle (imagine me making “pinchy claw” gestures with my hands in the psychologist’s office at this point) and told her that it was a beetle…with wings…wearing a dress.

See? NOT a crazy person.

Inkblot two: I didn’t see a damn thing in this one, so I spent several seconds desperately trying to see something before I finally said, “That void in the middle looks like an airplane.” I think I might have said that the top red parts looked like faces as well. I’d also like to point out that the red blotch at the bottom looks like a moth. We’re two for two for creepy flying insects here, people.

Inkblot three: This one was my favorite. Look at those adorable snooty men having drinks. Don’t you love them? You can tell they are snooty because of their pointy noses and fancy high heeled shoes. You can also tell that they are wearing tuxedos because all snooty, high heeled shoe-wearing men in my brain wear tuxes.

Inkblot four: So Godzilla is standing in front of you, and maybe a little bit above you somehow. See his little claw hands? (Me: “pinchy claw” gestures again) See his tiny little head with his tiny little snout waaaaaay up there in the sky? See my father issues laid completely bare?

 Inkblot five: Really? Another moth?

Oooh! Speaking of insects, remind me to tell you about the praying mantis egg case I bought. Theoretically it could hatch 75-200 tiny manti. (I prefer to pluralize words like this with an “i.” Figure that out, Mrs. Psychologist.)

Anyway, the manti hatching is going to be fucking terrible—especially after the dozens of tiny manti turn into dozens of large manti. I’ll be spending the summer inside, thank you very much.

Although, frankly, it is likely that I will kill them in infancy, so I probably shouldn’t worry too much.

Inkblot six: I stared at this one for a long time before I censored my original thoughts to say that this was a cat that was squished flat. I’m not sure that was better. But, I’m sorry, if you try to tell me that this cat is not flattened, YOU are the one who is disturbed.

What I really wanted to say is that I saw Bill the Cat here. You see it too, don’t you? And if it IS Bill the Cat, it kind of makes more sense that he’s flat right?

Inkblot seven: This one is SO CLEARLY angry bunny rabbits. See their ears and their little open mouths? They are shouting at each other. I told the psychologist that and then I said, “They’re hoppin’ mad!” and laughed and laughed and laughed. The psychologist paused, looked at me, gave me a little courtesy laugh, and then she wrote something down on her piece of paper.

I’m pretty sure she was writing down “MENTALLY STABLE.”

Inkblot eight: At first I was all, “Color?! I don’t know what to do with this!” and then I was all, “Look at those adorable little badgers on the outside.” Then I told the psychologist that the inside parts looked like a skeleton. I refrained from saying, “Honey badger don’t care. Honey badger don’t give a shit.”

But I really, really wanted to.

Inkblot nine: I just now, right this very moment, saw the orange seahorses here. Damn, I wish I’d seen that before, because I really saw nothing in this. I was going to tell the psychologist that I saw an inkblot, but that seemed like the kind of smart ass response that gets you a demerit on your psychological report.

God knows I don’t need any more of those.

Frankly, I don’t even remember what I told her. Maybe I said that it looked like a map of Europe. No, really. I think that is what I said. Because that makes sense.

Inkblot ten: Bugs. Lots of bugs. There are caterpillars and grasshoppers and terrifying blue spiders. Oh dear lord, there are 158 praying manti in there too.

Also the Eiffel Tower.

So that’s it. If you’re still with me, you are either with me for the long haul or you are slowly backing away while trying to get your car keys out of your pocket.

Now you have my subconscious as well as my conscious. Don’t say I never did anything for you. Please feel free to inadvertently share some deep secret pocket of your mind in the comments to level our playing field if you so desire.

*****

I have a few other things as well—things that are less disturbing than the interior of my brain.

1. Thank you to Joey and Andy for your donation to the Cheetahs. Thank you all!

2. Have you ever hosted a playdate? Then you might be familiar with the Playdate Timeline that I wrote about over at White Knuckle Parenting.

3. Jack and I went to see a sensory friendly performance at the Kennedy Center last week and then I wrote about it at Autism Unexpected.

4. Listen to Your Mother DC ran a cast spotlight of me featuring a GIANT PHOTOGRAPH right up at the top. Check it out!

40 thoughts on “Stimeyblots

  1. #1: Face of a wild boar with angry eyes (angry triangle eyes, and then tusks below that).

    #2: Tooootally two monks in gnome hats, high-fiving.

    #3-5: Completely with you on these.

    #6: Flying beaver (like a flying squirrel, but with beaver teeth) holding the tail of a dragonfly in its mouth. Seen from below.

    #7; Startled bunny rabbits, hopping away from each other with their heads swiveled backward to make sure they won’t be followed.

    #8: Two fat gophers erecting some sort of pavilion with blue flags hanging inside.

    #9: Yeah, I’d kind of have to stretch a bit to find anything in this one. Okay, there are the orange seahorses. And below that a goat with enormous moose antlers blowing red smoke out of its nose.

    #10: Either a bunch of bugs or a bunch of undersea creatures.

    That was fun. Thanks for posting those!

  2. I was cracking up at how many of my answers matched yours. I stared at each picture and decided what it was before reading your description. 1. I saw the pinchy claws too. 2. Saw the faces. 3. Men wearing tuxedos. 4. Giant beast with huge feet. He’s standing on a glass floor which I am standing underneath. 5. So obviously a moth that it makes you wonder why they include it at all. 6. My first thought was unmentionable also. 8. I saw bears instead of badgers, but same basic idea. 10. Hello Eiffel tower!

  3. I’m still having trouble with the fact that some were in color. My whole Rorschach world is upside down.
    And two pieces of good news! One: autocorrect can spell Rorschach. Two: I’m with you for the long haul.

  4. Apparently we must share some DNA Stimey because most of my answers matched yours.  So that is either a justification that you are totally mentally stable or you are totally NOT mentally stable…..either way we are the same.

  5. I love “See my father issues laid completely bare?” and “courtesy laugh.”

    I looked at the pictures before reading your answers, and I saw: angel beseeching the heavens to do something with these gd children; gnomes high-fiving; butlers serving punch; pair of boots; moth-bat; wizard in creepy robe; 1950s ponytailed girl looking in mirror; monsters climbing up ship; nothing; fireworks at the Eiffel Tower.

  6. I am so totally with you…except on the pinchy claw things. But I totally saw the snooty, high-heeled-wearing men in tuxedos. And Honey Badger? OMG, I laughed loud and hard at that. Especially at that. I think that makes us both mentally stable, don’t you? ;-)

  7. 1)  Coyote
    2)  Garden Gnomes playing patty cake with rain boots on.
    3)  Dueling butlers competitively pour tea into a pitcher while a butterfly flaps between them.
    4)  Front view of a Hell’s Angel about to ride his motorcycle over your camera (picture taken from ground level)
    5)  Der Fleidermaus (from The Tic cartoon)
    6)  Excalibur embedded in an anvil
    7)  Dude in a bunny mask stares at his reflection in a mirror
    8)  pink pussy cats investigate a manta ray
    9)  sea horses swimming through squid ink
    10)  Staring through flowers at the Eiffel Tower.

    Bang. Done.

  8. You so should have said that about the HONEY badgers…And I totally saw tons of animals…except inkblot 7…I saw 2 cheerleaders from Glee with their crazy-perfect ponytails flying in the air as they sang Whitney Houston songs to each other….aaannndd, guess who watched Glee last night on the DVR???

  9. You so should have said that about the HONEY badgers…And I totally saw tons of animals…except inkblot 7…I saw 2 cheerleaders from Glee with their crazy-perfect ponytails flying in the air as they sang Whitney Houston songs to each other….aaannndd, guess who watched Glee last night on the DVR???

  10. This test is obviously a fraud. Card #4 is so clearly a fat guy riding a motorcycle. Not to mention it in the “most popular” answers on wikipedia shows me that psychologists know nothing. Oh – and I have a degree in Psychology. I have never once used it professionally.

  11. That was fun!  Godzilla was totally obvious. I sort of started winging it at the end, the colours made me think of crystals and gardens and things. But how did everyone miss that #1 is OBVIOUSLY a very angry cat?

  12. 1. Dumbo and his girlfriend hanging off the top of some building, like King Kong
    2. Pelvic bones
    3. Two guys in dinner jackets playing the bongos, about to be hit on the head by big swinging hammers, simultaneously
    4. Mr McGregor’s big scary boots. Watch out Peter!
    5. Yup, definitely a moth alright
    6. No 5 coming in to land on a giant moth runway
    7. Kissing baboons
    8. Two pink bears climbing up a multicoloured pile of…something
    9. Totally seahorses and squid ink
    10. Parisian fiesta

  13. Totally saw the Eiffel Tower.  In fact I wrote it down before looking at your response.  Sadly, Wikipedia disagrees.

  14. Pretty sure number 5 is a bat…just saying…

    We raised baby Praying Mantis last year, they were pretty cool, and yes, they will eat each other!

  15. 1. Two bats ripping a butterfly apart
    2. 2 men facing each other sitting down playing Patty cake.
    3. 2 monkeys stirring a pot
    4. The view of a man on a motorcycle coming at you
    5. moth
    6. a boat with its reflection off of the water
    7. two girls blowing kisses
    8. Some forgein countries flag
    9. chinese dragons
    10. needle nose plies and the remains of whatever it just squished.  

    This was fun…..so I be on the lookout for the paddy wagon?

  16.  Now that you say that about the leprechauns, I have this lovely little image of them dancing a jig and here s cheerful music and everything. I’m enjoying it. Thank you.

  17. I’m guessing I *wasn’t* supposed to click over to wikipedia page and think “Hmm, that Hermann Rorschach was kinda hot.”

  18. I scribbled down my answers while at the Wikipedia site, hiding the “popular” answers. So many of us have similar answers! I wonder if that comes from raising our autistic darlins…

    1. angels holding up a dress between them
    2. clowns playing pattycake
    3. ladies with a butterfly between them
    4. floppy-eared dogs pressed up against each other
    5. yup, a moth
    6. a vagina
    7. two bunnies facing each other
    8. cats climbing a mountain
    9. fire
    10. fireworks blasting the Eiffel tower into the sky

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