I don’t have babies anymore. I don’t have toddlers. I don’t even have little kids. I have big kids. Thank God Quinn still can’t say his “R”s, which makes him sound younger than he is. I’m holding on to that.
Also, he’s still enough of a little kid to dress up in a homemade costume for his party.
We scheduled a company called Reptiles Alive to bring creepy crawlies to our house, but prior to that, we gave our guests a half hour to arrive and arm themselves. At one point, I walked down into the basement to make sure everyone was okay, only to be greeted by this:
Clearly this insurrection had to be put down and put down fast, so I gathered them all up and told them the reptile show was about to begin. Now, you should understand that this reptile show came with all kinds of instructions about where to hold the show and how warm it had to be to have the show outside and why everyone had to sit in a single straight line and if there isn’t a close parking space, they WILL NOT do the show.
I was suitably nervous. I was also pretty sure I was going to fuck it all up somehow, resulting in the reptile guy packing up his lizards and going home.
They even sent a diagram:
Fortunately, Tony, the reptile guy, was cool. This is what OUR show looked more like:
The show was super fun, even if Sam claimed to have Reptileaphobia and bailed, as did a couple other kids, but for the most part, they were RAPT. Tony was awesome. He let Quinn be his helper, a job that Quinn took SUPER seriously.
He did take a short break to see if he was taller than the snake.
The reason we hired Reptiles Alive is because they did an assembly at Quinn’s school and Quinn was in LOVE. He made us go to the library and check out books about reptiles and he scoured the Reptiles Alive website for videos and information. During the party, Tony brought out some obscure lizard and Quinn was all, “It’s a Blue Tongue Skink!”
We were all suitably impressed.
Tony brought lizards and turtles and one non-reptile—this here toad:
Tony also brought snakes. Because EVERYONE likes snakes. Okay, not EVERYONE likes snakes, but everyone under the age of ten at this party likes snakes.
Probably our mice don’t like snakes. Especially after Alex kept making jokes about feeding our remaining two little friends to the snakes on hand. They would be pleased to know that the boa constrictor seemed to have similar plans for Alex.
Fortunately, our friend Tony had a firm hold him. And soon enough, Quinn did as well.
From there, it was a short jump to beating the hell out of a paper turtle lying helplessly upside down on our lawn.
Also, we ended the party scouring the ground outside for a tooth that someone lost. It’s not a party until someone loses a body part.
Happy 7th birthday to my baby boy.