Friday, March 15, 2013

Afterbirth

You guys, I don’t even know what to say to you. You are some twisted people. Also, I am delighted that you are as wacky about gerbils as I am. First of all, if you’re new here, you may not understand the whole gerbils in hats thing.

For you, I will post this reminder:

mouse1
Any excuse to re-post this photo makes me happy.
Yes, that is my pregnant gerbil, Mouse, just a few days ago. Or it is the gerbil daddy, Mouse. I still don’t know which of my gerbils is the mom and which is the dad. I think Mouse (above) is the girl, but I haven’t picked either of them up since the gerbil babies appeared to study their genitalia.

Don’t worry. I’ll do it soon though. There is going to be a whole lotta gerbil genital studying going on.

I bought a second gerbil tank today at PetSmart in preparation for the day when I segregate my piles of gerbils by gender. The clerk that rang me up was all, “Ooooh! Are you getting a new pet?” and I was like, “Kinda!”

So, here is my gerbil update for you so you know what is going on:

There are five baby gerbils. There were six, but one of them died today and I took his little corpse out so his mom and dad didn’t have to eat him. It was a little sad. I hope the other guys make it. I’m already starting to get attached to them.

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Pile-o-gerballs, on a rare out-of-the-hut excursion.
They all seem to be doing all right. They were in this big pile today and there was this one on the bottom whose only visible body parts were his frantically pinwheeling back legs. He eventually made it out and was able to breathe. So yay for that one.

My kids are pretty excited about the whole thing. Sam took a look at one last night and has refused to come back for another look. Quinn’s first questions were, “Are they hairless? Are their eyes closed?” and then he refused to even look at a picture of them. Although by the time he got home from school, he was ready for an in-person encounter.

Jack, however, is way into them. I had to keep chasing him away from their tank so he wouldn’t harass them too much. Here, “harass” equals constantly pulling back the privacy blanket I put around them to stare at them and maybe tap on the tank a little bit.

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Watcha doin’?
The result of this was a hyper-vigilant Jetpack starting to look a little nervous.

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“Can I HELP you?”
This brings you up to date on the gerbils. The really amazing part of the day, however, was the passion with which Facebook embraced my gerbil babies and the fervor with which you all set about to mocking my panic.

I mean, really, it was almost instantaneous. The snark started immediately once I posted a photo of a baby gerbil, but it took a whole six minutes before Bec said, “Quick! Put tiny hats on them!”

Then it was all over.

Last night, you confined yourselves to words. Today, it was ON.

It all started with Lexi‘s image of the gerbil I will be naming Top Hat.
lexi

It went downhill from there.

Alicia got downright threatening. Well, she didn’t, but her terrifying as shit cat did.

moses
Moses the Cat has his own Facebook page.
Then Mindy stopped by.

melinda
The force is strong with this one.
Then Jim got involved. We all knows what happens when Jim gets involved. This:

unicorn
Aw! Delightful and innocent!
phat-gerbil
Weirder.
playboy
AAAAIIIIIIGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!
(I love me a good Jenny McCarthy joke.)
pope-francis-gerbil-i
I’m pretty sure Jim is going to hell.

Also, this isn’t even all of his artwork from today. He is prolific.
Not to be outdone, Mir competed for the front seat on the train to hell.

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Her caption: “And lo, unto them a son was born, and they called him Gerbilus, Prince of WTF.”
vvvvvvvvvv
In case you don’t recognize them, these are the Duggars, or “Duggarils” if you prefer. Or, if you’re Mir, you’ll freak me out by telling me that this will be my house next week.
My Facebook pages are a horrorshow, y’all.
I could probably end every single one of my posts with this line: I have the best friends. Thanks for making me laugh all day long, every single damn one of you.

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