Wednesday, April 17, 2013

This Gerbil Needs Your Help

What gerbil?

This gerbil.
Right now this adorable little gerbil, who I am, oh, let’s say 92 percent sure is a girl, doesn’t have a name. (She also doesn’t have a manicurist, but I’m hoping that she develops a nail chewing habit to shorten her vaguely terrifying claws.)

Right now this adorable little girl only answers to She Who Shall Not Be Named, and that is, frankly, a little bit cumbersome for such a tiny girl.

This is where you come in. I need name ideas. Naturally, you should understand that I might disregard everything you all say and end up naming her Hippo or something. I do at least want to know that I’ve explored my options. Before you offer me suggestions, however, I feel like you should have the whole picture.

The whole picture starts with this picture:

Remember this?
She’s a lot cuter now, right?

I do think you need to know the names of the other gerbils so you don’t name this one something like Tyler when I’ve named the other James, Jordan, Jenny, and Jimi. This will also serve as something of a coming out party for the gerbils. You are welcome to send them debutante gifts if you deem it appropriate. Perhaps small, lacy hats?

This little guy is Creeper:

Quinn named this one.
You should be aware that most of these animals are named after Minecraft characters.

This next one is the other boy. He is King:

Sam named him. I don’t feel that he gave the naming exercise his best effort, but now we’re stuck with King. I would have named him Spider Whiskers.
I moved King and Creeper over to BoyTown yesterday. Mouse seems to have accepted them into his home, which I was a little worried about. I found them all sleeping today in a big ol’ boy pile—or they were mating and getting ready to have 1800 new babies. One of the two.

The reason I’m naming the gerblets now is because before they were separated, it was impossible to tell some of them apart. Fortunately it didn’t turn out that all the white ones were girls and the brown ones boys because that would have been a huge problem for me.

Okay, on to the girls.

Since the gerblets were born, Jack has insisted that one of them be named Jeffery. Jeffery comes from Minecraft. Today I asked him who Jeffery is and Jack said, “a pig,” and I just nodded and moved on because Minecraft? I do not understand you.

Well, I did my math wrong and by the time I got around to double checking with Jack that he really wanted to name his gerbil Jeffery, I was plumb out of boys. Fortunately, Jack can be flexible.

Meet Jefferie.
Last but not least, you know Spike, sometimes known as Spike the Badass and sometimes known as Spike the Wonder Gerbil. I remember back when I worried that she wasn’t going to live very long. Turns out that she is hanging in there like a rock star and is totally working her little misshapen hand.

I like that she always looks like she’s waving at me.
Spike is definitely the runt, which I’m sure has to do with her paw. She was smaller than everyone else and it took her longer to grow fur and to open her eyes, but now she seems to have totally adapted, having figured out how to hold her food and scamper around with a semi-functional limb.

The others love her as much as I do too. Take for example Jefferie kissing Spike:

Spike is all, “Get the fuck offa me, will ya?”
Which brings us back to She Who Shall Not Be Named. We must name her.

Help me! I don’t want to be named Hippo!
I’m ready. Give me your best suggestions. Bring the lunacy.

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