This Gerbil Needs Your Help

What gerbil?

This gerbil.

This gerbil.

Right now this adorable little gerbil, who I am, oh, let’s say 92 percent sure is a girl, doesn’t have a name. (She also doesn’t have a manicurist, but I’m hoping that she develops a nail chewing habit to shorten her vaguely terrifying claws.)

Right now this adorable little girl only answers to She Who Shall Not Be Named, and that is, frankly, a little bit cumbersome for such a tiny girl.

This is where you come in. I need name ideas. Naturally, you should understand that I might disregard everything you all say and end up naming her Hippo or something. I do at least want to know that I’ve explored my options. Before you offer me suggestions, however, I feel like you should have the whole picture.

The whole picture starts with this picture:


Remember this?

She’s a lot cuter now, right?

I do think you need to know the names of the other gerbils so you don’t name this one something like Tyler when I’ve named the other James, Jordan, Jenny, and Jimi. This will also serve as something of a coming out party for the gerbils. You are welcome to send them debutante gifts if you deem it appropriate. Perhaps small, lacy hats?

This little guy is Creeper:

Quinn named this one.

Quinn named this one.

You should be aware that most of these animals are named after Minecraft characters.

This next one is the other boy. He is King:

Sam named him. I don't feel that he gave the naming exercise his best effort, but now we're stuck with King.

Sam named him. I don’t feel that he gave the naming exercise his best effort, but now we’re stuck with King. I would have named him Spider Whiskers.

I moved King and Creeper over to BoyTown yesterday. Mouse seems to have accepted them into his home, which I was a little worried about. I found them all sleeping today in a big ol’ boy pile—or they were mating and getting ready to have 1800 new babies. One of the two.

The reason I’m naming the gerblets now is because before they were separated, it was impossible to tell some of them apart. Fortunately it didn’t turn out that all the white ones were girls and the brown ones boys because that would have been a huge problem for me.

Okay, on to the girls.

Since the gerblets were born, Jack has insisted that one of them be named Jeffery. Jeffery comes from Minecraft. Today I asked him who Jeffery is and Jack said, “a pig,” and I just nodded and moved on because Minecraft? I do not understand you.

Well, I did my math wrong and by the time I got around to double checking with Jack that he really wanted to name his gerbil Jeffery, I was plumb out of boys. Fortunately, Jack can be flexible.

Meet Jefferie.

Meet Jefferie.

Last but not least, you know Spike, sometimes known as Spike the Badass and sometimes known as Spike the Wonder Gerbil. I remember back when I worried that she wasn’t going to live very long. Turns out that she is hanging in there like a rock star and is totally working her little misshapen hand.

I like that she always looks like she's waving at me.

I like that she always looks like she’s waving at me.

Spike is definitely the runt, which I’m sure has to do with her paw. She was smaller than everyone else and it took her longer to grow fur and to open her eyes, but now she seems to have totally adapted, having figured out how to hold her food and scamper around with a semi-functional limb.

The others love her as much as I do too. Take for example Jefferie kissing Spike:

See Jefferie kiss Spike.

Spike is all, “Get the fuck offa me, will ya?”

Which brings us back to She Who Shall Not Be Named. We must name her.

Help me! I don't want to be named Hippo!

Help me! I don’t want to be named Hippo!

I’m ready. Give me your best suggestions. Bring the lunacy.

90 thoughts on “This Gerbil Needs Your Help

  1. Clawdia is going to win, but I’ll just throw something out there so the name contest doesn’t look like it’s rigged Since this Pretty Little Miss is kind of gray, but no one is ever excited about gray as a color, how about “Silvia,” which is kind of like “Silver.” I’m not sure why, but for some reason, probably because I think we are kindred spirits, I think Quinn will like my suggestion. (But I think the die is cast.)

    • This makes no sense to me at all, so I imagine that it will be right up Quinn’s alley. (Is this a cow that gets blown up in Minecraft or something? Because that’s where my mind went.)

  2. I am a dork and went to a minecraft name generator. It came up with commanderStimeyWtheawesome.

    Still a little cumbersome.

    So I go with Wilbur. Like from Charlotte’s web. But she’s a girl so…Wilburina?

    • Trish, I am going to quiz my kids to see if they know this. If they don’t, I will make fun of them for not being geeky enough.

      Excellent suggestion!

  3. But I like Hippo. I’m going to defer to my 7 year old, however. Lily says “Skippy.” Which is my boyfriend’s dog’s name. And apparently also from Good Luck Charlie… I’m not so sure I like Skippy… lol.

  4. She looks like the squirrel from Ice Age in that photo. Hence her name should be Scrat, or given the length of her vicious little talons, Scratch.

  5. Shouldn’t Spike have been Nemo?

    And for SWSNBN, how about Buttercup? (Just because I know nothing about Minecraft but am re-reading Princess Bride.)

    • Yes, you’re right. But Nemo was not quite badass enough. If I’d really been thinking, I would have named her something even awesomer. Like Tiberius. Or Megatron.

  6. Joey says she should be named Joey, because he named his fish Jack.
    I’ll ask Andy his opinion in the morning.
    I’m putting in for Empress Josephine for now.

    • You know what is funny about the lace hats sentence? I typed it into entirely the wrong paragraph so it made little to no sense. I fixed it now. I like Sybil too.

    • Pink Paw sounds a little too close to pinkeye. But it’s cute. You know, except for the association. Wolverine is kinda awesome.

  7. Scout from To Kill a Mockingbird. We named our girl Aussie that but it works well for a boy too, of course, in case that 8% triumphs.

    • You want to hear something funny? Jetpack was going to be named Atticus before she started jumping like a lunatic her first day in our tank. So Scout might actually be a really nice choice.

      • After briefly scanning the comments, I really like Niksmom’s suggestion. Also – she was the first!
        Also, who doesn’t like a namesake, even if the namesake is a gerbil?!
        Side note: did I hear on NPR that Atticus is a popular name right now? It was on the 5AM show, so I might have been semi-asleep. Atticus.
        That’s all. I vote with Niksmom – and I don’t even know her. :)

  8. (Most of our chickens are –were :( –named after Star Wars the Clone Wars characters, but we also had Peckers and Poopers.) But since you can’t name her “Bitch” and laugh everytime your kids say “Aw, Bitch is so cute.” Then I’m going with “Spice”or “Splice”

  9. I don’t see what’s wrong with Hippo, but if you wanna be extra-nice to a fellow gerbil fancier who doesn’t have gerbils anymore (they seldom live longer than three years, and it got too sad, so I got a cat instead), you could name her Zippy. ’cause Zippy was the best gerbil ever.

    Also, related/unrelated: how on earth did you miss the fact that you had a boy gerbil and a girl gerbil in there? As I recall, gerbil testicles are comically large and terrifying. It’s not hard to tell the difference.

    • Related: Yeah. Yeah they are. I think I got them when they were young enough that the testicles were not giant and horrifying yet. I have (hopefully) learned my lesson.

      Also Zippy is excellent.

  10. Hi, First, may I say that it makes me laugh that your gerbil related posts get so many comments! :)
    With that, here are a few name choices: Hermione, Chipmunk, Squirrel, Marmot. Three of the four follow the theme of using another animal’s name.
    Finally, you do know that in middle school Jefferie will drop the ‘e’, and sign her name with a little heart over the letter ‘i’. [Years later, I still wish my name had an ‘i’ rather than an ‘e’. Oh, wait, gerbils don’t write – do they?]

    • Please disregard my post immediately above. I didn’t read the other comments first … and, there were many comments! [This fact still makes me laugh.]
      Anyway, after skimming the comments, I think that Clawdia or a similar name is now trending @ stimeyland. That name is very apropos, and I like to use words like apropos.

    • No you don’t…. you would never have found anything personalized with your name spelled correctly as a child :-)

      (not so much a problem now, with all the immediate customization available, but believe me, in the 60’s and 70’s when I cared about such things, there was NADA.)

      • Now that’s funny! So, you’re referring to the cute personalized keychains, bracelets, and kitchen magnets? And those tiny souvenir license plates that didn’t seem to have a purpose? If so, I completely understand, and empathize.
        Karen has been one of the most popular girls’ names for many years. Perhaps Karen would be a good name for a gerblet. hmmm.
        Clearly, I follow the comments on Jean’s blog. :)

  11. My thoughts keep coming back to Spike. She’s not a runt–she’s a petite beauty pageant queen with her waive. She immediately needs a little concert able to ride in so that she can meet with all of her subjects. And an awesome dress.

  12. I don’t even know what Minecraft is and I was totally going to suggest you name that girl gerbil Jeffrey by the second sentence of this post. True story.

  13. I am ashamed to admit that I watched “My Crazy Obsession” on TLC the other night. This lady was obsessed with photographing her squirrel (whose name was Sugarbush Squirrel) in all sorts of clothes. I wanted to call you and make you watch it but it was too late at night. I think you would totally get a kick out of this. I think this is the link to the show
    and the squirrel has its own website.

    So I think you should name the squirrel Sugarbush Gerbil.

    • Oh my. That is the craziest goddamn thing I have ever seen. How far down the page did you scroll? Did you see the squirrel dressed up as Osama bin Laden?

      This might be the wake up call I needed. Oh my God.

  14. OK, clearly I’m WAY too invested in this discussion. Promise, I was just checking in to see what name you chose. :)
    Anyway, I now recall that I named our gerbils Niblet and Silverskin. Of course, we called them ‘little’ and ‘big’. They would be over 30 years old now, so … they are no longer here.
    Also, Piglet would be a cute name, if you gave all of the gerblets a related name. Yah know, Christopher, Winnie, Eeyore, etc. Too late for that.
    I don’t know anything about Minecraft, except to hope it isn’t anything like world of warcraft [sp].
    Ordinarily, I comment on more substantive topics. However, for some reason, naming gerbils is very engaging.

  15. who knew? newborn gerbils look just like tiny cute little pencil erasers! awwww…

    Name idea: flippy.

    or, if you still can’t think of a name, name it Namey. Namey the Gerbil.

  16. Pingback: Meet Bean Clawdia Josie MooShroom Francis Fleur Hermione Hippo – Stimeyland

  17. I was just sitting here tonight, roaming the world wide web, when the thought popped into my head… “I wonder how things are in Stimeyland.” The original gerbil post made me laugh so hard I practically had milk coming out of my nose. And lo and behold, there is another brilliant comment stream.

    Thank you, Stimeyland. Love the names.

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