Deep Melancholy

I am entrenched in some deep melancholy these days. There are any number of reasons for this: post-adventure ennui, my elderly cat who is slowly getting sicker and sicker, the fact that for the first time in a long time, I don’t have anything professional going on and it is leaving me a little bit adrift in wondering how to deal with my life.

All of this results in writer’s block, me not cleaning my house, and a life dressed entirely in clothes that don’t feature zippers or buttons—none of which makes anything better.

Except for the sweatpants. That makes a lot of things better.

This is all to tell you why there are longer and longer spaces between posts here. I hate that because writing here and getting your feedback brings me a lot of joy. But it feels bad to put up posts that I don’t feel, you know? Regardless, I’ll be back. And I’m okay. Bummer though it might be, I have years of experience dealing with this kind of mood and I know I’ll come out the other side.

Plus, I have ALL OF THE KITTENS to cheer me up.

I hope you all are doing well. Fist bumps and cheery smiles to all of you.

18 thoughts on “Deep Melancholy

  1. *fist bump* back at ya….I completely understand. I struggle off and on with the not-having-anything-professional part of my life. I am trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. Hang in there and enjoy the kitten-y goodness.

  2. Maybe there is something in the September air, even all the way out here in California. I can’t seem to find my ‘the kids are back in school’ groove. Possibly because they are so not in the groove either. Fist bumps, hugs, and whatever else it takes back at you.

  3. Oh my.
    I KNOW this isn’t helpful, yet I’ll say it anyway: You seem to have so much going on, that ennui seems highly unlikely. [I think of ennui as boredom.]
    Anyway, I very much empathize with melancholy. With me, it is depression. Which I hope you don’t have. And which, I recognize, is way too much information from a virtual person you’ve never met.
    SO, what to do? I don’t know. Maybe a walk – can you BELIEVE our gorgeous weather?!
    Maybe tell us about your visit from Kate! Is she as nice as her blog self? [Still don’t use twitter / I did see you mention Kate on your feed over there? >>> ]
    Maybe buy the same run-walking shoes I just got – they are pink and lime green, and look like some designer walked into the Lily Pulitzer store, and made some very bad design choices. The shoes make me laugh. They are SO unattractive. :)
    OK, apparently I’m trying to be all chipper today.
    Hope you feel better asap, and that this comment isn’t too odd. Not the best day here, either.

  4. Sweatpants ROCK!!!!! Unless of course you are comfortable going out in public in your PJ’s. Then PJ’s ROCK!!!

    Hang in there. I feel your melancholy and I know “you’ll be back” Aahhhhnold! ;P

  5. can you get out for a run? when i am in that state i avoid getting on the bike, then finally when i do everything is a little more workable.

    love you Stimey.

  6. J.R.R. Tolkien once wrote, “Not all those who wander are lost.” He’s right, I think; going through periods in life where we feel adrift and uncertain is inevitable–at least, it is if we’re doing it right. Knowing that, however, doesn’t make getting through those periods suck any less, and I’m sorry that you’re stuck there now.

    So hug your kittens, go on a mind-clearing walk, bump fists as needed, and consider: feeling adrift is a sign of growth, not stagnation. You’ve met some personal goals and transcended the person Past Stimey was, but your path toward Future Stimey is still unclear. You’re currently the mushy, rearranging mess of guts inside the chrysalis, neither caterpillar nor fully realized butterfly. That’s an uncomfortable place, to be sure, but it also holds a lot of promise and possibility. Try not to think about your life right now in terms of, “OMG if I’m not doing *something* professional right now I must be a total loser-head.” Take advantage of this time to be good to yourself, refocus on the things that truly make you happy, and trust that time and contemplation will show you the way to go.

    Oh, and hug the kittens again for good measure. I hear that helps the process along.

  7. I tell you, Bob is still in post-race euphoria. (It is getting a little annoying). But how is this for a “professional” thing: work up the race article and shop it around to running magazines! Just a thought. or maybe a screenplay!
    Let’s pick out another crazy event and train for it! Or we could just run in the park for the H of it.

  8. Pingback: Points of Light | Stimeyland

  9. You have my sympathies, dear. I hate that sort of “post-adventure ennui” – I get that too after a particularly large community event that I was in charge of or a large work event. I always think that I should be happy that it’s over, but there’s often this awful slump.

    The “not having anything professional going on” seems like a big change for you – you’ve always had at least a little something, haven’t you ?

    May I offer some advice – use this time to bank your internal fire. Let yourself rest and wear sweatpants, if need be. At least for 3-4 hours a day for a week or two – then make yourself get up after that 3-4 hours and get going !!! Coming off of the summer, getting the kids settled in school, and your big race your body might need some time to rejeuvenate itself and build back your internal fire.

  10. I’m so far behind reading here, but the other day, someone asked me what I had done that day and the only thing I could answer was “try really hard not to be sad.” That seems to be my major pasttime lately. I’m sorry you are in the shadows, but I’m here with you.

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