Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Hi, Team!

How have you all been?

Good, good, glad to hear it.

Hmmmmm.

There is nothing happening in my life. Nothing. I was going to write a whole post about my neighborhood’s two-day group quest to rescue a runaway dog from down the street and how I ended up with a neighbor standing on my front porch this morning with a handful of chicken who was asking why, why, WHY would this dumbass dog not come to him, but it ran into my backyard instead so he closed the gate to trap the dog and he’ll be there until his owners come pick him up and I never actually saw the dog, so I assume someone came and got him or else my yard somehow swallowed him, but then I realized that you don’t care about my neighborhood or the dog, so I decided to not write about it.

*taps foot and looks around*

Then, as I do every week, I cleaned my gerbil tanks and now that I have these kittens, that tank cleaning time is fucking perilous. I’ve had cats jump into the gerbil tanks while I’ve been cleaning them (the gerbils are safely relocated to a smaller holding cage during that time), so I have to remain vigilant to make sure that the kittens don’t sharpen their predatory skills on my wonderful little gerball friends. I was going to write about that, complete with photos and then I realized that this might also not be, how you say, scintillating subject matter to you, so I decided to not write about it.

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Prey, meet predator.
Let’s see.

Then, I read this article (well, most of it—okay, part of it) about how if you put periods at the end of your text message sentences, people will think you are mad at them and not, in fact, that you are just specific about your punctuation and I got all worried about how people perceive my text messages and then got a little clarity about why Alex always seems to misinterpret my texts and get defensive, causing me to have to leave a smiley-face emoticon at the end of EVERY text (right after the period) and then I decided that people are confusing and I am not sure I am ready to interact with life, you know, at all. Thanks, Maggie, for posting that article in your news feed, by the way. Now I feel inadequate on a whole other platform. I was going to share it with all of you but then realized that some of you might also feel inadequate to function in society after reading it, so I decided to not write about it.

*closes eyes to see if there are ideas on the inside of my eyelids*

Ooooh! Ooooh! So, Oreo, my mustache cat, entertains one of my friends more than I can even tell you and she thinks that Oreo needs her own meme, agent, and movie deal, a la Grumpy Cat, but that maybe Oreo needs some props first, so one day she dropped by with her daughter and they had found a top hat for Oreo so that she can be fancy every day.

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Oreo was not as happy about this hat as one would have hoped.
I was going to write about that, but the photo kind of says it all, so I don’t have to.

Well. It turns out that I have written a lot of words about not writing, so mission a-fucking-ccomplished. I do have one last thing to show you, which just might be the perfect capper to this non-post masquerading as a post.

I was cleaning a closet the other day and found this photo from maybe three years ago when my family went to some event or other and there was a photographer there to take photos of people. It turns out that my family did photos three years ago in exactly the same way we do them now.

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At the time, I remember thinking this photo was absurd and not good for a whole lot. Now, I love it more than anything and kind of want to frame it.
From the Wiggles bandage on Jack’s face to the paint all over Quinn to the “I’d rather be over there,” look on Sam’s face, this photo is classic Team Stimey all the way.

Well. I hope you’ve enjoyed today’s interlude in pointlessness. Be sure to check back soon for more stories about animals you don’t know and photos from many years ago!

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