Call Me Sleepy, the Most Boring of the Dwarves

It turns out that if you shovel copious amounts of caffeine into your system for a period of…decades, your sleep system and levels of tiredness get all sorts of fucked up. And, it seems, the only way to make it even wackier is to quit said caffeine totally cold turkey.

If, in the past decade or so, you have asked me, “How are you?” chances are that I said one of the following:

• “Tired.”

• “Good. But tired.”

• “Hanging in there. Tired. You know.”

• *bursts into tears and runs away*

My dominant fucking emotion is tired.

For a long time I have assumed that all the caffeine I drank made me paradoxically more tired because I am sure it interrupted my sleep cycle and kept me up too late and all sorts of vaguely bad things that I attribute to caffeine.

I also attribute some of my sleepiness to having to share a bed with a man who fucking insists on breathing no matter how often I kick him in the shins and tell him to shut up already. Seriously. All night, every night. Sometimes he snores too.

Since quitting caffeine, however—day nine! can I get a what what!—I spent several days waking up with eyes crawling with sleepiness and the desire to take at least one three-hour nap every day, often beginning at 8:38 am after my last kid gets on his bus.

(Is it a nap if you take it that early or does that count as a less slothful sounding “going back to bed”?)

Problematically, taking long naps during the day makes it harder to go to sleep as soon as my head hits the pillow at night. This is a problem because bedtime is like a race to go to sleep for Alex and me. Well, it’s kind of a one-sided race that Alex doesn’t know or care about. I always want to fall asleep first because that way breathing/snores have to wake me up to bother me instead of keeping me from falling asleep/making me want to murder Alex while he slumbers.

Alex has a job though, so Alex doesn’t nap, so Alex falls asleep almost immediately. Not to mention that lying in bed trying to force your mind to fall asleep will make your mind do almost anything except fall asleep.

I used to set my white noise machine on foghorn at top volume and put it right next to my head to drown out the sounds of quiet breathing. It’s a serious problem.

All of this is to say that I’m tired. And I am tired of being tired. And Alex is tired of being kicked in the shins.

Today is the first day in a long time that I not only haven’t taken a nap, but haven’t felt as if I’ll die without a nap. I sure do hope this is a sign of things to come because, frankly, if ditching caffeine doesn’t make me less tired, methamphetamine use is my next option. Fingers crossed!

Rogue Eyelashes

Several days ago, Jack told me that his eye hurt. He was rubbing at it and it was all red, from the rubbing or something else, I couldn’t tell. I looked in it and couldn’t see anything wrong, so I told him to blink a lot, he agreed, and we both moved on.

drawing of Jack's left eye

This is about what I saw. (And, yes, he is exactly that pale.)

Jack didn’t complain about his eye again until New Year’s Day, which was awesome, because everything is closed on New Year’s Day. Once again, neither Alex nor I could see anything in there and Jack said he was fine with waiting until the next day when doctors were open so we could check it out.

Then, the next day (last Thursday), I forgot about it until 1 pm when the nurse at his school called to tell me that he was in her office, complaining about eye pain. After agreeing that it didn’t look like pinkeye (no discharge or fever), she sent him back to class after I asked her to tell him that I was making him an eye doctor appointment.

True to my word—and to avoid losing my Decent Parent card—I took him to the eye doctor on Friday. As I filled out paperwork, Jack sat down next to a gentleman who seemed to be waiting for multiple family members to see the doctor and started showing him his Garfield book.

Jack is nothing if not extremely friendly to complete strangers.

It wasn’t long before Jack was called back and the doctor checked his vision before getting up close with the magnifying machine that looks a little like a head torture device.

“You have all those beautiful eyelashes,” she told Jack.

Drawing labeled "compliant eyelashes," with each lash saying things like, "Yes, sir!" and "Okay, Jack!"

These are his beautiful eyelashes.

“But,” she continued, “a couple of them have gone rogue.”

Drawing labeled "rogue eyelashes," with two eyelashes saying, "Go to hell, Jack!" and "I'm an eyelash! I do what I want!"

There were actually three rogue eyelashes, aka Jerkfaces Who Made My Baby Cry.

The eyelashes were still attached to his skin, but were growing the wrong way and they were poking into Jack’s eyeball.

Closer drawing of rogue eyelashes saying, "we will poke you!"

Seriously? Fucking eyelashes? REALLY?

Yes. Fucking eyelashes. Really.

close up of eyelashes with faces saying "Poke! Poke! Poke! Ha, ha, ha, haaaaa! I poke you now!" and "You will cry, little boy! You will cry!"

Isn’t the whole point of eyelashes to keep things OUT of your eyes?

“I’m going to have to take them out,” the eye doctor said, pulling out a pair of tweezers.

Sam close up drawing except there are tweezers pulling at one eyelash and he is yelling, "NOOOOOOOO!!!!"

Take that, motherfucker.

I know it is the eyelash screaming in the picture, but Jack was none too pleased either. The first eyelash yanking went easy. The second and third required a bribe of a 99¢ game for our iPad and also for us to not believe Jack when he started saying, “No! It feels better! You don’t have to do it again!” Needless to say, the doctor did it again, but she did the second and third at the same time.

The good news? Jack doesn’t need glasses! The less good news? One of the eye doctor’s employees has a kid who has rogue eyelashes and he, “only has to come in every three months or so to have me pull them.”

I think I might start stroking Jack’s corner eyelashes lovingly away from his eyeballs every night in an effort to soothe the angry eyelashes.

When we returned to the waiting room, Jack went straight to the same man with whom he had shared his Garfield book and said, with oh so much passion and emotion, “It was TERRIBLE! I barely made it out alive!”

I sure do hope I get to bring him in four times a year for eyelash taming. That would be great for him.

Stupid jerkface lashes.

drawing of three gravestones: "Roguey: You almost killed Jack. It was TERRIBLE." "Jerkface: He was a jerk. Survived by 800 brothers." "Dan: May you rest in peace. AND NOT FUCKING RETURN."

Project Stimey 2.0

Project StimeyIt has been one year and one day since I started Project Stimey, which means it is time to stop, assess, and recommit. As I mentioned in my last post, my resolution at the beginning of 2013 was this:

My goal this year is to improve my overall physical health. By the end of 2013, I want to weigh less, I want to be fitter, I want to be a water drinker instead of a soda drinker, and I want to be altogether more awesome.

As I also mentioned, I managed to do all of these things, but some of them not all the way. That, however, was kind of the point for me. Giving myself an end goal, like “LOSE ALL THE WEIGHT” would have set me up for failure. This way, when I lost SOME of the weight, I ended up feeling good about myself instead of wanting to kill myself. Win-win!

As for fitness, I am definitely way better off than I was a year ago. I ran 465.51 miles this year in just more than 100 hours. I ran seven races, including the relay race I spent most of the year training for. I ran an 8k race in September at a three minute per mile faster pace than when I had run the same race the year before.

Also, my body is changing in good ways.

Running photos taken a year apart

I’m not where I want to be, but I’m moving in the right direction.

As for the soda drinking, I’m afraid I haven’t been as honest with you as I could have been. It was February when I told you that I was making good progress quitting Diet Coke. Then I completely regressed without telling you and drank mass amounts of Diet Coke right up until December 29, when I realized that I only had two days left if I planned to quit before new year’s.

It was a sad day, let me tell you. Honestly, though, the next day was sadder with no happy brown bubbles to cheer me up.

I’m on Day Four with no soda and I feel totally fine physically, but damn if I don’t miss it. I know that it is just a matter of getting out of the habit of drinking soda all the time. I’m now getting in the habit of drinking water instead. I should tell you that water is stupid.

I am so fucking hydrated right now that I want to scream.

But healthier! No more phenylalanine for me! Yay! *grumpy face*

As for next year, I really just want to keep moving down the road I’m on. My 2014 resolution is to continue to improve my overall physical health. I will continue to work on running and increasing my mileage and speed, but I really want to work on eating cleaner as well. Per usual, I will plan to increase my general awesomeness again.

I want to run at least one half marathon this year, hopefully this spring, but I haven’t found one yet. My relay team is also planning another fall relay. And, again, we have openings if any of you are interested in joining our team.

Just like last year, you can keep tabs on me through my distance log and my race list.

Let’s inspire each other! Let me know what your goals are and how you’re going to make them happen. We can all be awesomer in 2014!

Stimey’s 2014 Distance Log

Project Stimey Distance Log

Date Distance Time Pace
JANUARY
Th 1/2/14 2.00 miles 26:25
Sa 1/4/14 2.00 miles 24:00
Su 1/5/14 2.10 miles 25:45
M 1/6/14 2.00 miles 24:12
W 1/8/14 2.00 miles 23:04
Th 1/9/14 1.25 miles 14:49
Sa 1/11/14 2.25 miles 27:31
Su 1/12/14 1.12 miles 13.35
M 1/13/14 2.81 miles 36:43 13:05 min/mi
Tu 1/14/14 2.01 miles 24:31 12:11 min/mi
W 1/15/14 2.24 miles 27:29 12:17 min/mi
W 1/22/14 2.01 miles 23:21
M 1/27/14 3.69 miles 45:23 12:18 min/mi
W 1/29/14 3.1 miles 38:10
Th 1/30/14 3.98 miles 48:57 12:19 min/mi
F 1/31/14 4.87 miles 1:02:24 12:49 min/mi
January Totals 39.43 miles 8:06:19
FEBRUARY
Su 2/2/14 3.1 miles 38:25 12:10 min/mi
W 2/5/14 2.85 miles 35:30 12:29 min/mi
Th 2/6/14 2.25 miles 26:33
F 2/7/14 4.49 miles 57:13 12:45 min/mi
Sa 2/8/14 6.77 miles 1:24:54 12:33 min/mi
Su 2/9/14 4.37 miles 53:52 12:19 min/mi
W 2/12/14 2.25 miles 27:39
Th 2/13/14 2.5 miles 29:51
F 2/14/14 8 miles ~1:45:00 13:00 min/mi
Sa 2/15/14 3.02 miles 40:00
Su 2/16/14 2.50 miles 31:16 12:29 min/mi
Tu 2/18/14 3.06 miles 39:51
W 2/19/14 5.10 miles ~1:06:00 12:40 min/mi
Th 2/20/14 7.76 miles 1:40:31 12:57 min/mi
Su 2/23/14 5.04 miles 1:00:33 12:01 min/mi
Tu 2/25/14 5.47 miles 1:08:39 12:33 min/mi
February Totals 68:53 miles 14:25:47
MARCH
Su 3/2/14 10 miles 2:09:39 12:58 min/mi
Tu 3/4/14 2 miles 25:54
W 3/5/14 3.11 miles 42:15
Tu 3/11/14 1.82 miles 22:33
W 3/12/14 1.82 miles 21:39
Th 3/13/14 3.10 miles 37:55
F 3/14/14 2.18 miles 24:23 11:11 min/mi
Su 3/16/14 4.13 miles 50:31
M 3/17/14 1.74 miles 21:19
Tu 3/18/14 3.56 miles 43:49
W 3/19/14 2.86 miles 35:01
Th 3/20/14 2.09 miles 25:04
Su 3/23/14 2.17 miles 24:37 11:21 min/mi
Tu 3/25/14 4.45 miles 54:26
W 3/26/14 2.00 miles 23:09
F 3/28/14 4.00 miles 46:42
Su 3/30/14 ~2.00 miles ~24:00
M 3/31/14 3.34 miles 38:42 11:36 min/mi
March Totals 56.39 miles 11:31:38
 APRIL
Tu 4/1/14 6.20 miles 1:15:00
W 4/2/14 4.56 miles 57:36 12:39 min/mi
Th 4/3/14 2.08 miles 25:36 12:06 min/mi
Sa 4/5/14 3.24 miles 36:16 11:12 min/mi
M 4/7/14 3.55 miles 41:46
Tu 4/8/14 2.58 miles 29:38 11:30 min/mi
W 4/9/14 3.46 miles 41:21
Th 4/10/14 2.94 miles 35:40 12:08 min/mi
F 4/11/14 5.00 miles 1:03:51 12:46 min/mi
Su 4/13/14 5.75 miles 1:08:31 11:55 min/mi
Tu 4/15/14 3.23 miles 38:30
W 4/16/14 2.01 miles 24:38
Tu 4/22/14 3.34 miles 40:52
Th 4/24/14 1.60 miles 19:47 12:21 min/mi
F 4/25/14 3.39 miles 45:02
Su 4/27/14 6.23 miles 1:08:18 10:57 min/mi
M 4/28/14 3.24 miles 37:54 11:42 min/mi
W 4/30/14 3.68 miles 43:14
 April Totals 66.08 miles 13:13:20
MAY
Th 5/1/14 1.19 miles 15:00
Su 5/4/14 2.21 miles 25:26 11:31 min/mi
M 5/5/14 4.19 miles 48:41 11:37 min/mi
W 5/7/14 5 miles 1:00:48 12:09 min/mi
Th 5/8/14 4.07 miles 47:34 11:41 min/mi
F 5/9/14 2.19 miles 25:28 11:39 min/mi
Su 5/11/14 4.26 miles 49:25 11:35 min/mi
W 5/14/14 5.50 miles ~1:13:00
May Totals 28.61 miles 5:45:23
 JUNE
Sa 6/7/14 3.08 miles 34:46 11:16 min/mi
Sa 6/14/14 3.72 miles 49:20 13:17 min/mi
Tu 6/17/14 2.32 miles 31:19 13:30 min/mi
W 6/18/14 4.10 miles 50:59 12:26 min/mi
 June Totals 13.22 miles 2:46:24
 JULY
W 7/2/14 2.57 miles 36:01
F 7/4/14 4.53 miles 56:48 12:33 min/mi
Sa 7/5/14 2.77 miles 33:57
Su 7/6/14 3.30 miles 40:10 12:10 min/mi
Tu 7/8/14 2.60 miles 35:11 13:31 min/mi
W 7/9/14 3.10 miles 39:12
F 7/11/14 6.48 miles 1:20:12 12:22 min/mi
Su 7/13/14 2.77 miles 34:19 12:24 min/mi
Tu 7/15/14 5.86 miles 1:15:21 12:51 min/mi
Sa 7/19/14 5.04 miles 58:52 11:41 min/mi
Su 7/20/14 2.16 miles 25:47 11:56 min/mi
Tu 7/22/14 5.44 miles 1:06:35 12:15 min/mi
W 7/23/14 2.61 miles 36:04 13:51 min/mi
F 7/25/14 3.87 miles 45:29 11:46 min/mi
Sa 7/26/14 4.08 miles 51:03 12:31 min/mi
Su 7/27/14 3.18 miles 33:21 10:30 min/mi
Su 7/27/14 0.73 miles 8:31 11:38 min/mi
Tu 7/29/14 7.45 miles 1:28:10 11:50 min/mi
W 7/30/14 2.45 miles 27:42 11:19 min/mi
 July Totals 70.99 miles 14:32:45
AUGUST
F 8/1/14 3.08 miles 36:52 11:57 min/mi
Sa 8/2/14 2.56 miles 31:27 12:17 min/mi
Su 8/3/14 6.09 miles 1:13:48 12:07 min/mi
W 8/6/14 8.90 miles 1:50:31 12:35 min/mi
Tu 8/12/14 3.03 miles 38:29
W 8/13/14 3.23 miles 39:23
F 8/15/14 10:53 miles 2:09:40 12:19 min/mi
Su 8/17/14 5.82 miles 1:13:36 12:38 min/mi
Sa 8/23/14 1.29 miles 15:30
Su 8/24/14 4.36 miles 52:19 12:01 min/mi
M 8/25/14 5.82 miles 1:07:49 11:39 min/mi
W 8/27/14 11.41 miles 2:25:00 12:42 min/mi
F 8/29/14 5.88 miles 1:09:15 11:46 min/mi
Sa 8/30/14 2.25 miles 26:18 11:40 min/mi
Sa 8/30/14 1.81 miles 25:00
Su 8/31/14 3.00 miles 36:03
August Totals 79.36 miles 16:11:00
SEPTEMBER
M 9/1/14 3.49 miles 47:03 13:28 min/mi
Th 9/11/14 5.03 miles ~1:01:00
Su 9/14/14 13.1 miles 2:35:11 11:51 min/mi
Tu 9/16/14 2.75 miles 33:42 12:15 min/mi
W 9/17/14 2.72 miles 34:09
Sa 9/20/14 5 miles 55:59 11:16 min/mi
Sa 9/20/14 5.09 miles 1:00:06 11:49 min/mi
Tu 9/23/14 5.77 miles 1:09:35 12:03 min/mi
W 9/24/14 1.65 miles 20:38 12:39 min/mi
? 3.21 miles 42:29
Tu 9/30/14 3.04 miles 34:36 11:22 min/mi
September Totals 51.85 miles 10:14:28
OCTOBER
W 10/1/14 3.18 miles 36:55 11:36 min/mi
Sa 10/4/14 3.29 miles 38:41 11:45 min/mi
Su 10/5/14 2.58 miles 33:52 13:07 min/mi
Tu 10/7/14 2.79 miles 33:20 11:57 min/mi
F 10/10/14 4.76 miles 55:54 11:45 min/mi
F 10/10/14 5.52 miles 1:05:49 11:55 min/mi
Sa 10/11/14 3.71 miles 43:13 11:38 min/mi
Su 10/18/14 ~2 miles 25:00
M 10/27/14 2.29 miles 30:07 13:11 min/mi
Th 10/30/14 3.20 miles 37:32 11:43 min/mi
F 10/31/14 2.42 miles 26:56 11:08 min/mi
October Totals 35.74 miles 7:07:19
NOVEMBER
Su 11/2/14 2.23 miles 31:46 13:42 min/mi
Tu 11/4/14 3.32 miles 37:48 11:42 min/mi
Th 11/6/14 5.63 miles 1:05:25 11:37 min/mi
Su 11/9/14 6.14 miles 1:11:08 11:35 min/mi
Su 11/9/14 ~2 miles ~25:00
Tu 11/11/14 2.32 miles 28:42 12:23 min/mi
Sa 11/15/14 2.31 miles 28:00 12:08 min/mi
Tu 11/18/14 2.22 miles 26:56 12:07 min/mi
Sa 11/22/14 3.54 miles 42:41 12:04 min/mi
Sa 11/22/14 2.2 miles 27:08 12:20 min/mi
Th 11/27/14 6.28 miles 1:14:19 11:50 min/mi
F 11/28/14 2.36 miles 28:21 12:02 min/mi
Sa 11/29/14 2.33 miles 28:11 12:06 min/mi
Su 11/30/14 1.24 miles ~15:00
November Totals 44:12 miles 8:50:25
DECEMBER
M 12/1/14 1.42 miles 16:39
Tu 12/2/14 4.19 miles 50:10
W 12/3/14 1.50 miles 17:57
Th 12/4/14 3.10 miles 37:01
F 12/5/14 1.00 mile 12:00
Sa 12/6/14 2.00 miles 23:30
Su 12/7/14 3.35 miles 37:38
M 12/8/14 1.3 miles 15:50
Tu 12/9/14 1.15 miles 14:07
W 12/10/14 2.38 miles 27:35 11:35 min/mi
Th 12/11/14 2.31 miles 26:29 11:29 min/mi
F 12/12/14 3.11 miles 37:16
Sa 12/13/14 1.5 miles 17:00
Su 12/14/14 2.28 miles 29:12 12:48 min/mi
M 12/15/14 1.38 miles 16:35
Tu 12/16/14 2.55 miles 30:00
W 12/17/14 1.00 mile 10:31
Th 12/18/14 1.22 miles 14:26
F 12/19/14 2.35 miles 25:58 11:04 min/mi
Sa 12/20/14 1.22 miles 14:59
Su 12/21/14 2.02 miles 24:53 12:18 min/mi
M 12/22/14 1.00 mile 11:59 11:59 min/mi
Tu 12/23/14 2.87 miles 35:08
W 12/24/14 1.52 miles 17:41 11:39 min/mi
Th 12/25/14 2.35 miles 29:45 12:37 min/mi
F 12/26/14 2.32 miles 29:02 12:30 min/mi
Sa 12/27/14 ~2 miles 23:11
Su 12/28/14 1.46 miles 17:57 12:17 min/mi
M 12/29/14 ~2 miles ~28:00
Tu 12/30/14 2.31 miles 28:09 12:10 min/mi
W 12/31/14 2.37 miles 27:02 11:25 min/mi
December Totals 62.53 miles 12:27:40
TOTALS: 616.85 miles 119:27:05

Run Notes:

December 31: Assuming I make it through my 5K tomorrow, my streak will have been successfully completed! Yay, me!

December 27: I really didn’t want to run today. Really, really. I’m glad I sucked it up though. Only five more days until I finish my streak.

December 24: I was so desperate to get off the treadmill that I took off in the rain to return a Netflix DVD directly to the post office, passing multiple mailboxes on the way there. Totally worth it.

December 18: Oh man, I am craaaaawling toward my 600 miles this year goal. But at least I’m still moving forward. I’m hoping to do a long run this weekend. I really, really want to do a long run outside.

December 17: I really didn’t want to run today, so my solution was to bang out a mile on the treadmill really fast. Trust me when I say that this counts as really fast for me.

December 13: Alex’s first 1.5 miles without walking. Go, Alex!

December 9: Running a streak is weird. I have definitely run days that I wouldn’t have were I not streaking, but I’ve run mostly short distances instead of the even relatively short (but longer than these) 3.5 milers. Part of it is for sure because I’m on the treadmill and I hate the fucking treadmill. Or maybe it’s because I’m tired because I don’t have rest days. (But I can’t be that tired from running a mile, right?) I’m sticking to it, but I don’t think I’ll fall in love with it and extend it past new year’s. It’s an interesting thing.

December 7: I ran while angry tonight. It kind of worked out for me.

December 5: Guess who really didn’t want to run on the treadmill today?

December 3: I am attempting a Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day running streak. Today was the first day that I wasn’t able to get anywhere near a running path or treadmill until 8:30pm. I’m happy to report that it didn’t even occur to me to flake, even though I still have a lot of stuff to do tonight.

November 27: This was the Turkey Chase 10K. Turns out Bethesda, where this race was held, is really hilly, and not in the “why don’t you run down all the hills” way.

November 6: I started thinking about my 10K this weekend and considering whether I actually can still run more than 2.3 mile intervals. I can. Yay!

November 4: Oof. Heavy legs today.

November 2: This was a run with Alex. There will be a lot of these shorter, slower runs as I run intervals with him. He’s so awesome for working on this. He was even sick today, which is why this outing was extra slow. (But still faster than my first 8K pace, if that tells you anything.)

October 31: This run felt so good! Some days you really don’t want to get out on the road, but when you do, it feels great. This was one of those days. Also, I’m really enjoying not having any races longer than a 10K on my calendar, letting me not worry about running many long runs.

October 27: Interval run with Alex. He’s doing great!

October 19: I’m running with Alex so this is an interval run. Also my Garmin was out of battery power so I just put in a guesstimate of time.

October 10-11: This was the Bourbon Chase. The data isn’t totally accurate as I didn’t start and stop my watch at exactly the right time for each run. In fact, on the first run, I forgot to turn it on until a half mile or so into the run.

October 5: These were hill reps. This is a substantially better pace than the last time I did this specific workout on July 8 and July 23. I feel like a strong runner these days.

October 1: I had to stop because my ankle hurt so much. Worrisome.

September 23: I was not in the mood to run today. The ONLY reason I went out is because I have to run the Bourbon Chase in two weeks. The thing that is so great about running is that two miles in, I was having one of my best runs of the fall in terms of enjoyment. I felt easy and smooth and good and my music was perfect and I ran straight through a quiet little family of deer, two babies on one side of the path, two adults on the other, and they barely glanced at me. I would have felt and seen none of these things sitting at home. I’m really glad to be a runner.

September 1: It was approximately 90 billion degrees during this run. I did a good amount of walking.

August 30: This second run was the Electric Run 5K that I ran with Sam. 1.81 miles is where we went from running then run/walking to straight up walking.

August 29: The difference between a good run (today) and a bad run (Wednesday) is ridiculous. I don’t even think it was about the distance. I just felt SO much better today. Today I really remembered why I run. Later: Oh. I just looked at the elevation graph. It was about elevation. It was TOTALLY about elevation.

August 27: This was kind of a terrible run. It was hot out and I was having a hard go of it. This distance and pace isn’t super accurate either because it reflects some walking that I did during my run, but I also did a fair amount of walking that isn’t included in that time/distance that the Garmin measured. So this is like a vague reflection of my outing today. That said, the fact that I did 12:42 during a walk/run of 11.41 miles is hopefully a good sign that I can do my half marathon in under 12:26, which is the course cut off time. Also, my route today was hillier than my half marathon, which is also a hopeful sign. Because I am slow like a motherfucker on hills.

August 17: I like that I am back running enough so that this morning when I woke up, I knew that I had to do a run today, but “only six miles.” That said, there was nothing “only” about this run. There was a bad combination of heat, not being hydrated enough, and oh god that sandwich I ate earlier that I started to regret almost immediately after leaving the house. This run turned into more of an amble, but at least I ran the damn thing, up to and including the hill by my house.

July 27: This first run was a 5K race and a PR. It was great. Weirdly, my official time was 20 seconds longer than this. I’m not sure why. I’m pretty sure I started and stopped my Garmin right at the start and the finish—certainly not 20 seconds early or late.

July 23: Another hill workout. This time was three full trips up and down the hill. It was hot. And steep. I thought I might die.

July 22: I have this hill by my house that I usually have to run up to get home. Today I checked the length and elevation climb of said hill. It climbs 145 feet in .43 miles. Doing hill repeats there ought to get me in shape.

July 19: This was the Rockville Twilighter 5K. I was worried about it because I’ve been having a hard time running lately, which is worrisome in general. But then I ran this 5-mile course in cool temps with little humidity and felt great and ran well. It was extremely encouraging. I also ran without headphones, which was fun.

July 9: Slow treadmill run. Remind me never to take a month off from running again. Getting back is hard.

July 8: My first dedicated hill workout. I did 2-3/4 runs down and up the big hill by my house. At 1pm. In 90-degree heat. There was some walking involved. Ugh.

June 14 & 17: Both were walk/runs.

June 7: This was Colleen’s BA5K. It was a PR, even if I only ran 3.08 miles. I swear I ran the whole course. I was more than a minute faster than my previous 5K PR. Although this is a very flat course.

May 11: Interval training. ZR Workout #3 on track: 2.08 miles; ZR Default Workout on track: 2.18 miles.

May 9: Interval training. ZR Workout #2 on track.

May 4: Interval training. ZR Default Workout on track.

April 28: I was super tired today. Lot of walk breaks.

April 27: This was Pike’s Peek 10K. A PR. I am super proud of myself.

April 24: Today was this run.

April 9: I never thought I’d say this, but I’m kinda learning to love the treadmill.

April 5: Today was Ben’s Run 5k. I wanted to race under 36 minutes, but I just missed that. That said, I ran .14 miles more than a 5k, so I probably hit my 5k goal. Still, technically, I’m still not under that 36 minute mark. However, I ran 2 minutes and 10 seconds faster than I ran my last 5k, which was two months ago, so I’m going to count this as a win.

April 3: This is approximate because of a user error in correctly pushing on/off buttons on my Garmin. In related news, I’m pretty tired today and finishing my workout on the elliptical where I can lean on something.

March 25: Bad news: I have only run outside three times in March. Good news: I am learning how to kick ass at running on the treadmill. Bad news: I have only run hills three times in March. Good news: What used to feel fast (12 min/mi) on the treadmill is now my easy treadmill pace.

March 4: My blisters hurt.

March 2: This was the Reston 10-miler. Oh my, this was hard. I was sick in the days coming into this race and really worried about it. Honestly though, even if I hadn’t been sick, I think I would have done about the same pace. I was aiming for a 13 min/mi pace, so it looks like I did it! I’m super proud of myself.

February 23: This was a great run. Except for when I faceplanted in the middle of it.

February 20: This was my test run to see how I’d do on a long run not on the treadmill. Considering I’m aiming for a 10 min/mi pace, I think I did great, especially considering the pace I turned in included the times I had to slow to a walk to hike over piles of snow. This amount of time was not insubstantial. Hopefully this will not be an obstacle during my race. I also felt good and like I could run another couple miles at the end, so that is encouraging, especially since the last 1 1/2 miles of my race next week is primarily downhill. Yay, me!

February 19: Woohoo! Fifty miles this month already! If I keep this up, I’ll make up for slacking off in January. My goal this year is at least 600 miles, so I’m on target!

February 16: I was going to run longer today, but it is hazardous and deep in snow out there. I miss sidewalks. Also, I’ve changed my goals in terms of my 10-mile race in two weeks. The time cutoff is a 13:30 min/mi pace, so I am aiming for a 13 min/mi pace. For the next two weeks, I’m not trying to hit 12 min or 11 min. I am aiming for a solid 13 min/mi pace. I know it’s slow, but I figure I can train for the 10-mile distance or for a faster shorter distance. I might sign up for another 5k soon to work on speed.

February 8: Shit, I run so slow now. I feel a little sad about it and am regretting not running for much of November and December. I’m currently panic training for a 10-miler I’m running on March 3 at which I have to average at least a 13:30 min/mi before they close the course.

February 2: This was the Penguin Pace 5k. I placed 426th out of 519.

January 27: You may notice that I haven’t run much lately. There are reasons. Have you been outside? It is fucking cold out there. Also, my knee tweak was bothering me and I was worried that running on it would cause permanent damage, blah, blah, blah, so I just used my elliptical, but the knee wasn’t getting any better so I finally went out and bought a knee sleeve and OMG, guess what? My knee felt better whilst running. You should know, however, that it is extremely difficult to run on unshoveled/icy sidewalks.

January 13: Today was my first outdoor run of the year. I cannot tell you how good it felt. I definitely have to get off the treadmill and back on the road more often. It is sooo much better. It’s harder too though. And slower. Treadmills are flat. I also have to do some more core work to make my back stronger again.

January 12: Ugh. Tired.

January 8: It turns out that I am physically incapable of running farther than two miles at a time on a treadmill. I am also mentally incapable of forcing myself to run outside in the polar vortex. Therefore I decided to run faster on the treadmill for two miles.  It’s something.

January 4: A big part of the reason I didn’t run in November and December was because it didn’t feel good. I was tired and had a hard time motivating myself to get outside to run and once I was there, I was just too tired to run that far. Even after I ran, I didn’t feel all that good. After today’s run, I felt great and I remembered why I love to run. I hope to feel that coming back more and more.

January 2: It turns out that if you don’t run for two months that you lose a lot of your stamina. Also, treadmills suck and I’m way slower on them. Still, new year, new opportunity. I’m back on track.

Stimey’s 2014 Races

Project Stimey RacesFebruary 2: Penguin Pace
Columbia, MD
5K
Official time: 38:25.03

March 2: Reston 10-miler
Reston, VA
10 miles
Official time: 2:09:39

April 5: Ben’s Run
Silver Spring, MD
5k
Official time: 36:15

April 27: Pike’s Peek
Rockville, MD
10k
Official time: 1:08:18 (PR)

June 7: Colleen’s BA 5K
Kensington, MD
5K
Official time: 34:46

July 19: Rockville Twilighter
Rockville, MD
8K
Official time: 58:52

July 27: Howard County Striders Women’s Distance Festival
Columbia, MD
5K
Official time: 33:42

September 14: Parks Half Marathon
Rockville/Bethesda, MD
13.1 miles
Official time: 2:35:11

September 20: Kensington 8K
Kensington, MD
8K
Official time: 55:59 (PR)

October 10-11: Bourbon Chase
Kentucky
200-mile relay
Official time: 32:36:43

November 9: Across the Bay 10K—the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Run
Annapolis, MD
10K
Official time: 1:11:06

November 27: Turkey Chase
Bethesda, MD
10K
Official time: 1:14:18