Thursday, February 27, 2014

Faceplant

I'm pretty sure I'm just about the best runner in the world.

Do you want to be the best runner in the world too? Well, I am here to help.

Step 1: Run

run
It helps if you run while having a disproportionately tiny head.

Step 2: Run along an extremely busy road.

busy-road
Please to extrapolate to imagine many more cars on the road.

Step 3: Don't notice the tripping hazard in front of you.

hazard-one

hazard-2

Step four: Fall spectacularly flat on your face after tripping over essentially nothing.

tripping
It may feel way more slow motion than depicted here though.

Step five: Regardless of how badly you may or may not be hurt, jump up as if nothing at all happened.

back-up
Bonus points if you can make it look like you did an intentional burpee.

Step six: Recommence running, while mentally assessing injuries.

run1
Don’t limp. Even if you broke something.

Step seven: Strategically plaster on a self-deprecating grin while shaking your head in amusement at yourself until all the cars that saw you fall drive away.

smile
Die a little inside.

Step eight: Run the rest of the way home before you inspect your bloody knees and scraped up palms.

Aaaaaand done! Congratulations! You are also the best runner in the world!

14 comments:

  1. Pride cometh after the fall this time. Hope you are okay!

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  2. I once tripped and fell on my way to the playground where I taught. One of the questions on the accident report was, "How could this incident be prevented in the future?" I still can't believe I actually wrote that someone could walk in front of me removing any minuscule debris.

    Hope you're on the mend!

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  3. Ah...but the reason you are an excellent runner - you got back UP!!

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  4. You're so freaking hilarious :) Thank you for falling for my amusement.

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  5. "Don't limp. Even if you broke something" had me laughing out loud. But seriously, I hope you're none the worse for wear!

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  6. Totally LMAO @ "intentional burpee". Thanks for the first laugh of the day :)

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  7. I don't run, but I do stuff like this all the time. Just while walking. Or sitting.

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  8. Your running form is impeccable!! :D

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  9. Hi Jean,
    Sorry to hear about your fall. It is good that you were able to get up and pretend to be alright. It's better to lick your wounds in private, then the bad guys won't take advantage of you and try to steal your purse again while you are lying on the sidewalk!

    Also, I like your outfit colors.
    Love and gentle hugs from a fellow-faller-downer,
    Claudia

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  10. Good on you for keeping going and not giving up. You're post had me in hysterics as that's what I'm like when I fall exactly, especially the bit about putting a big smile on and shaking head in amusement. I hope you didn't hurt yourself too much.

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  11. Thanks, Claudia! Thankfully there was no lasting damage, so all was well. :)

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  12. […] were at the time, it is a MIRACLE that I didn’t take down a bunch of other people with me. As you know though, I jumped right back up. Then I spent the next half mile trying not to visibly cry because, Christ. […]

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