I’m pretty sure I’m just about the best runner in the world.

Do you want to be the best runner in the world too? Well, I am here to help.

Step 1: Run

Bad drawing of me running.

It helps if you run while having a disproportionately tiny head.

Step 2: Run along an extremely busy road.

Sam bad drawing as before, but with cars added on the road.

Please to extrapolate to imagine many more cars on the road.

Step 3: Don’t notice the tripping hazard in front of you.

Drawing of a sidewalk from the POV of a runner looking down. There is a tiny dot a little ways ahead with a label that says, "miniature dust mote." Drawing with same POV as above, but the dot is closer to the shoes now and has the label "still tiny"Step four: Fall spectacularly flat on your face after tripping over essentially nothing.

Two drawings next to each other (1) Me, mid-fall saying "nooooo...." (2) me flat on my face on the sidewalk saying "oof."

It may feel way more slow motion than depicted here though.

Step five: Regardless of how badly you may or may not be hurt, jump up as if nothing at all happened.

Drawing of me standing up with a surprised look on my face.

Bonus points if you can make it look like you did an intentional burpee.

Step six: Recommence running, while mentally assessing injuries.

This is the same drawing as the first showing me running.

Don’t limp. Even if you broke something.

Step seven: Strategically plaster on a self-deprecating grin while shaking your head in amusement at yourself until all the cars that saw you fall drive away.

Drawing of a closeup of my face with a huge grin.

Die a little inside.

Step eight: Run the rest of the way home before you inspect your bloody knees and scraped up palms.

Aaaaaand done! Congratulations! You are also the best runner in the world!

14 thoughts on “Faceplant

  1. I once tripped and fell on my way to the playground where I taught. One of the questions on the accident report was, “How could this incident be prevented in the future?” I still can’t believe I actually wrote that someone could walk in front of me removing any minuscule debris.

    Hope you’re on the mend!

  2. Hi Jean,
    Sorry to hear about your fall. It is good that you were able to get up and pretend to be alright. It’s better to lick your wounds in private, then the bad guys won’t take advantage of you and try to steal your purse again while you are lying on the sidewalk!

    Also, I like your outfit colors.
    Love and gentle hugs from a fellow-faller-downer,

  3. Good on you for keeping going and not giving up. You’re post had me in hysterics as that’s what I’m like when I fall exactly, especially the bit about putting a big smile on and shaking head in amusement. I hope you didn’t hurt yourself too much.

  4. Pingback: Captain Clumsy and the 21K Race | Stimeyland

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