Thank you all so much for your congrats on our new house! And thank you so much for your opinions on yard sale vs. donation of excess goods. You pretty much confirmed that I should be lazy and just donate. I thank you for that. Although I am actually going to try to sell some stuff on a Facebook yard sale. We’ll see how that goes.
Regardless, I’ve been packing up the things we actually do want to keep, which, after ten years in one house, turns out to be a lot of stuff. My house has started to turn into a cubeworld. It’s like I’m living in Minecraft these days.
As I’ve been packing, I’ve learned some things. And because I share like that, I’m going to force you to listen to what I’ve learned. I am, of course, assuming that your house is exactly the same as mine.
1. Over the course of ten years, you will accumulate a tremendous number of gloves. You will not realize this because every time you need gloves for three kids, you will find four gloves and a mitten. When you empty out the glove box to pack it, however, you will find approximately 80 million gloves. Some of them will match each other.
2. In your gloves box, you will also find two fossilized fried chicken bones, leading to your being harassed by your cats for the entirety of winter clothes packing.
3. If you pack your kids’ winter coats in a box and then lose that box in a pile of other boxes, the weather will instantly turn frigid.
3a. Because you refused to pack your own winter coat when you packed your kids’, you will look like an asshole when you’re cozy and warm in your parka and they are shivering in light sweatshirts.
4. When you have more than a month to pack, it is hard to refrain from packing all the easy-to-grab things that get used every day. You will start to convince yourself that you won’t need to use things like pots or the pencil sharpener in the next several weeks.
5. I packed the stapler. I won’t need the stapler, right?
6. When you very carefully remove Algernon’s Army from its shelf and pack it, something else will immediately take its place.
7. Your husband will be mad if you show him a box marked “TOOLS” and ask him to jump inside.
8. You will find Quinn’s ChildFind papers, which you have been looking for for months, in a file unsurprisingly labeled “Quinn’s ChildFind,” but it will have been filed nowhere near any other special education paperwork.
9. The recovery of said papers will make you hope that all of your lost items will reappear before you move. Next up on the lost items wish list: my brown clogs. How the hell do you lose two whole shoes?
10. No matter how much stuff you think you have, you have more.
Jack’s special hockey team, the Montgomery Cheetahs, is still soliciting donations for their big fundraiser coming up in May. I want to thank Kelly so very much for her donation. You rock, Kelly. You can make your own donation online.