Tuesday, May 27, 2014

How Does This Keep Happening To Me?

OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS, THIS WOULD ONLY HAPPEN TO ME.

Please to see the Facebook status I posted yesterday:

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Yeah. So that happened.

I was so happy to be able to give our pool to our friends so that someone else can get joy out of it and also because hopefully they'll invite my kids over to swim. So yesterday afternoon I dragged the pool and all of its many parts and supplies out of my backyard shed, stuffed it in my car, and trundled it over to my friends' house, where Alex and I helped them set it up.

At some point it became clear that mice or rats or, you know, a fucking woodchuck had been living in one of the boxes because it had very efficiently turned one of the pool manuals into a little nest of shredded paper. That's cool though, because animals live in the outside and it's not like we found a live opossum in there sitting next to the pool filter. I assumed the rodents had moved on.

We set up the pool and I was fishing through the box to pull out the things my friends would need when I heard squeaking. "Ha," I thought to myself, "that sounds like baby gerbils. I wonder... No, I'm sure it's just crickets or something."

Then I looked closer and I may or may not have cursed loudly and creatively in front of my friends' kids.

I don't even know what kind of rodent they are. I just know that we found four of them and transferred them to a box in an effort to return them to their mother. Because although I'm not a huge fan of wild rodents in and near my home, it seemed really mean to starve little blind babies to death. We figured that if we took them back to the shed that maybe their mom would be able to find them again. It was their best chance.

I know. I am a big fucking bleeding heart. I am well aware.

Then, because I do things like this to him all the time, I made Alex deliver the rodents to our house.

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He was totally delighted to get this assignment.

He returned a little while later with a six-pack of beer and news that he had made a cardboard bed and roof for the little guys under the shed.

Meanwhile, I was checking my car for rodents, just in case the mom had been in the box when I put it in the back seat only to abandon ship before I delivered it to my friends.

In my mind, all I can see is me driving along, singing along to some bad pop song or listening to some earnest NPR story about porches, only to look in my rearview mirror to find Rat Mom standing on the headrest directly behind my right ear. At that point my imagination pictures me screaming and veering off the road into a concrete wall.

While all this was going on, my friends continued to cook dinner for my family instead of kicking us out into the street and hurling pool salt at us.

They're good people.

So that is the story of the day I gave my pool and a litter of wild rat babies to some close friends. As someone commented on that above Facebook status, you should remember to not take hand-me-downs from Stimeyland.

Epilogue: This evening, after torrential rain, Alex went back to check on the babies and to rebuild their little house. He was distressed because they looked as if they had been tossed around by the weather. He was able to find three of them and reports that they were still alive. I'm hopeful that this means their mom is nearby. The fact that Alex went by to check on the little guys says a lot about him. He tries to make us all think he's disgruntled, but he has his very own bleeding heart.

9 comments:

  1. You guys are so much of the awesome. And I totally adore Alex for going back to check on them.

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  2. I was going to say that this would make me want to move. But you've got that covered. You might need a new car though.
    You and Alex are my animal heroes. I hope they survive the night ok.

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  3. What an awesome guy!

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  4. It makes me laugh that I commented [to your prior post] before you even posted this. {OK, your post was on your Facebook feed.} So, here's my comment, edited for *ahem* brevity:
    Isn’t it cool that the pool rodents have an instruction booklet in multiple languages? Of course, the booklet looks rather … incomplete. Your friends can probably download one online. For the pool, that is.
    Please don’t make hats; that will only encourage them.
    This is yet another reason why I’m happy to live above ground level. :)

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  5. "In my mind, all I can see is me driving along, singing along to some bad pop song or listening to some earnest NPR story about porches, only to look in my rearview mirror to find Rat Mom standing on the headrest directly behind my right ear. At that point my imagination pictures me screaming and veering off the road into a concrete wall."


    This has to be one of the funniest paragraphs I have read in a very long time.

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  6. Step two... start feeding them.

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  7. The word is out in the rodent world: Stimey will take care of you. They knew what they were doing.

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  8. I've been reading this blog one year, about.

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  9. That's so cool! I'm glad you're here!

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Thanks for commenting! May you be visited by unicorns and kittens.