Wherein Sam is Fabulous*

* Posted with full pre-approval by Sam.

I have exciting news! Sam would like me to announce that she is trans and would prefer us to all use she/her pronouns. She also understands that some of us have known her as male for a very long time so she won’t destroy you if you slip up and use a masculine pronoun, like I do 800 times each day.

But yay Sam! Yay for being you! Yay for being bold! Yay for taking up your space in the world! I am very proud of you, my love.

Sam standing in our living room in shorts and a shirt that reads, "mongay tuesgay wednesgay thursgay frigay saturgay sungay"

I love every part about you, Sam.

Also, who was brilliant enough to give her a gender-neutral name?

Sam has proudly identified as being gay (quoiromantic asexual) for a while now, but I haven’t written about it here as I considered it her story to tell. (I know. The irony after ten years of blogging about my kids. Let’s just say I’ve evolved.) But! She started asking why I hadn’t blogged about it and started outright demanding that I do so and it started to seem less like me respecting her privacy and more like me ignoring her truth. Also, now that she is out as trans, I didn’t want to give anyone whiplash by suddenly changing pronouns on all of you with no explanation.

So, proud us. Brave Sam.

She is out at school and everything, which had to be a scary transition to make. Fortunately, she reports that people—students and teachers—have been great. Jack and Quinn are all good about it too. They were like, “Okay. Can I play video games now?” This generation gives me hope.

I’m sure that she will face challenges as she ages and goes into the world, but I think that one of the best armors against bigotry is a strong self-esteem and love of self. As with my other kiddos, Sam seems to have those. We will continue to nurture her and teach her to be proud of who she is. And she will continue to teach us about strength and pride and who she is. I look forward to seeing how she evolves and I feel so lucky that she trusts us enough to let us share that journey with her.

Photo of Sam with rainbow-dyed hair.

Flaunt it, friendo! (Also, for the first time, Sam had someone else dye her hair for her, which felt a little bit like a stab in the heart, but at least she let me bleach it, so I get the crumbs of attention at least.)

Also, any locals who might have suggestions for resources/support that we can look into would be great.

51 thoughts on “Wherein Sam is Fabulous*

  1. Also very proud of Sam here! How very scary, brave, and liberating all at the same time! You go, girl! Also? That hair….<3

      • This reminds me that UMD College Park has the same– The Diamondback had an article about it recently.

        • Oh yes, I was going to mention that too. Kristin Slawson is the SLP/clinical supervisor at UMD who has a specialization in transgender voice. She’s great (in general – and I assume in this respect too!)

  2. I love Sam so much. I had the best time with you two at the women’s march and when she FINALLY gets her ears pierced this summer I am buying her the most fabulous pair EVER to celebrate.

    Yay Sam!!

  3. She is fabulous…and is a great kid. I wish you all the best! I miss hearing about your kiddos…but I totally understand the whole kids getting older and respecting their privacy thing. I struggle with it on my blog, too.

    P.S. I love her hair. It’s beautiful, but not quite as beautiful as she is.

  4. CONGRATULATIONS!!! So happy that Sam can be herself at school, at home, and on your blog. She already is a superstar but this elevates her to FABULOUS all the way. So, perfect post title. The truly shocking thing is that I am dusting off my keyboard to read and comment on an actual blog.

  5. Hey, Sam! Congratulations to you for taking this big step forward in your lifelong journey to discover yourself. I know it can’t have been easy to come out as trans, and I’m so proud of your courage and your commitment to be true to yourself in the face of fear and uncertainty. Please know that I am one of many cheering you on in this corner of your world.

    I’m an English major to the core, so I’m going to leave you with some lines from Walt Whitman’s “Song of the Open Road” that I hope will give you strength:

    I am larger, better than I thought; I
    did not know I held so much goodness.

    All seems beautiful to me.
    I can repeat over to men and women You have
    done such good to me I would do the same to you,
    I will recruit for myself and you as I go,
    I will scatter myself among men and women as I go,
    I will toss a new gladness and roughness among them,
    Whoever denies me it shall not trouble me;
    Whoever accepts me he or she shall be blessed and shall bless me.

  6. Bravo, Sam!! And bravo Team Stimey for your love and support and acceptance. If only every kid like Sam were lucky enough to have been born into a family like yours.

  7. Beautifully written. I am proud of Sam (and yay for the name) and her parents and brothers. All five are awesome! ❤

  8. Wow Sam, you have courage and strength others only dream about. Thank you for sharing and strong us all known that it’s ok to truly be who you are 💖

  9. I thought I commented earlier today and it looked like it didn’t go through. I think this is amazing and yeah for your whole family!

  10. Just wanted to say congrats and yay and thank you for sharing! The more people share, the faster acceptance grows for everyone. And I love that my kids are going to grow up in a more diverse and more open world!

  11. Quoiromantic is my new word for the day. Sam’s news is my smile for the day. I’m cautiously optimistic–despite months of lacking that feeling–that the future will be brighter because of people like Sam, and the people who surround her with love.

  12. Sam is 16 this fall? Maybe the others, being young boys just don’t care yet. I don’t hate trans people, but I do find it all strange. Once, I read something about a short guy that did like Sam. I was just a young girl then and only semi-understood. Not sure if I was pre-teen or early teens, but IMO, it’s something that doesn’t bother kids. I was confused when I first found out about such things, but not overly distressed.

  13. It’s wonderful and heartening to read such a beautiful statement of love and support. I will keep Sam and you all close to my heart. xo

  14. Congrats to Sam for the courage to be her real self. We have a good collection of books at the high school where I work. Here are a few of the non-fiction books on the list that may be of interest:
    Transgender Warriors, by Leslie Feinberg
    Beyond Magenta: Transgender Teens Speak Out, by Susan Kuklin
    The Letter Q, by Sarah Moon
    It Gets Better, by Dan Savage

    There is a large selection of fiction that is geared towards teens and young adults, here are a couple:
    Luna, by Julie Anne Peters
    Symptoms of Being Human, by Jeff Garvin.

    I have hope for the future because of the youth of today, who are more enlightened, accepting, and adaptable than people my age.

  15. Yeah Sam! You keep being you! And don’t forget to hug your supportive mom extra hard. I have been adopted by too many kids whose parents couldn’t accept them for who they are and/or who they love

  16. “I think that one of the best armors against bigotry is a strong self-esteem and love of self. As with my other kiddos, Sam seems to have those. We will continue to nurture her and teach her to be proud of who she is. And she will continue to teach us about strength and pride and who she is.”

    I admire you, Alex, and your kids so much.

    Note to Sam: we have something in common, in that I also played flute and bassoon [because my high school wind ensemble needed a bassoon player. I was terrible. :) ] Anyway, years ago, a trans woman was in my church group. She was just one of the group, and as far as I know, she was accepted just as everyone else was.
    I wish you all the best. Still thinking of a career in music?

  17. We have some family friends who have just gone through a similar situation.It has been an inspiration to watch someone find their true self. I don’t know you personally but I am extremely proud of you for being yourself.Never let society dictate who you are.

  18. Flaunt that fabulous hair Sam. The colours are amazing.

    And I actually laughed out loud when you said how brilliant you were for giving her a gender neutral name (if you have noticed there is someone missing from my blog by their choice… they too have a gender neutral name :) )


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