Category Archives: Algernon

Team Stimey’s Egg-cellent Adventure

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Warning: Lots of egg puns ahead. Sorry.

This year, like every year, I had come to terms with the fact that Team Stimey was doomed to another year of celebrating Easter only with our regular family backyard Easter egg hunt on Sunday. (Jack found a 19th egg on Tuesday; where do you think that came from?) Then, on Friday, I got great news from my friend MCM Mama*, who introduced me to the lovely folks from Honest Tea, who had all-day passes to the White House Easter Egg Roll for my whole family.

I was so excited. I love big DC events. I mean, I knew it was likely to be a Team Stimey freakout fest, but with us, what isn’t?

Sure enough, on the way there, Jack was all, “I think I’m going to be sick,” and so we opened a lot of windows and then Quinn was all, “I am freezing!” so we rolled up most of the windows and then I suggested that we pull over, and Alex, who was driving us in the morning rush hour traffic, was all, “SERENITY NOW!”

Naturally, we walked almost entirely around the perimeter of the White House grounds in an effort to find the right entrance. During this long walk, both Alex and Quinn became increasingly disgruntled.

This was at the beginning of said walk before that smile disappeared from Quinn's face entirely. I, however, kept that giddy grin the whole stupid time.

This was at the beginning of said walk before that smile disappeared from Quinn’s face entirely. I, however, kept that giddy grin the whole stupid time.

By the time we actually got past security, Quinn was not happy…until he met the most fun squirrel in the history of fun squirrels.

Quinn got within a couple of inches of this guy. Me: "Oh good. It's rabid."

Quinn got within a couple of inches of this guy. Me: “Oh good. It’s rabid.”

He chattered happily about that squirrel right until we walked into the crowds and the chaos and the many characters wandering around. Me on the other hand? I was delighted. Especially when Smokey the Bear AND Woodsy Owl walked by together—it was like the holy grail of good samaritan animal costume characters.

I forced Jack to stand with me because it seemed more legitimate to pose with them if I had a kid with me.

I forced Jack to stand with me because it seemed more legitimate to pose with them if I had a kid with me.

I called, “Give a hoot!” after them as they departed. I don’t think anyone heard me. That’s probably for the best.

We decided to start with the egg roll, because, well the name of the event is the Easter Egg Roll and also because all of my kids were too old for the Easter Egg Hunt. There were dozens of reporters there with their cameras trained on the egg roll course. I was already imagining the local evening news with its footage of cute toddlers in Easter dresses rolling their eggs along with wooden spoons, followed by a shot of Quinn rolling on the grass and screaming as the anchor fake sympathized, “Aw, this little boy didn’t have much fun!”

I haven’t seen any such footage. Please don’t tell me if it exists.

Sam rocked his egg roll race against all those toddlers in their cute Easter clothes.

Sam, however, rocked his egg roll race against all those toddlers in their cute Easter clothes.

From there, it was over to the Eggtivity Zone where there were several different obstacle courses. Quinn had entirely checked out by this point and was playing Angry Birds on my iPhone, but Sam and Jack went through the obstacle courses several times.

Some properly and according to the rules...

Some properly and according to the rules…

...and some not.

…and some not.

Mid-obstacle race, the president and his family and the Easter Bunny showed up to greet Team Stimey…and the other folks in attendance. I guess.

Someday I am actually going to get a close up photo of that man.

Someday I am actually going to get a close up photo of that man.

Team Obama headed down to the egg roll area and Team Stimey headed off on an ultimately unsuccessful trek to find the people from Honest Tea to find some juice and say thank you. In a happy cowinkidink, we ended up penned in by hastily erected fences as the Obamas were headed off to various places on the lawn—the president to the tennis and basketball courts and the first lady to the healthy food section.

We might have gotten all up in Michelle’s face. Algernon took this opportunity to get reacquainted with Mrs. Obama.

Take note of the concerned looking lady in the mirrored sunglasses.

Take note of the concerned looking lady in the mirrored sunglasses.

There is nothing I won’t do for you people.

That was pretty cool, right? Well. It got even cooler just after that. The people right next to us had some sort of photos from their school that they were forcing on Mrs. Obama and they told her where they went to school. She started to move on when Jack piped up with, “I go to ****** Elementary School!”

She stopped, turned around and came back asking, “Are you doing good there? Are you getting good grades?” Jack told her yes and then she told him, “Keep up the good work, babe,” and then she touched both Sam and Jack on their heads and I may or may not have started jumping up and down.

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Jack and Sam, pre-conversation.

I don’t know why it is so exciting that she talked to my kids, but it was. Also, I love that Jack totally dragged her attention back. That kid has some sort of magnetic charisma. It is close to impossible to walk away from his awesome little face when he is is telling you something. Even the FLOTUS wasn’t immune.

Sam and FLOTUS' magic touch.

Jack and the FLOTUS’ magic touch.

After that, it was just a matter of killing time and making jokes about unjust imprisonment as we waited for the president to finish playing sports so security could remove the fence between us and the exit.

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Sam killed time by being his normal charming self. Algernon is going to need a bath.

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Quinn killed time by collapsing to the ground again. I’m making a collection of these photos. (Luray Caverns? Check! The White House? Check!)

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Jack killed time by learning—and then by using that magnifying glass and the sun to try to set some lady on fire.

Soon enough though the president headed back to the White House and we were free from our egg-citing adventure.

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This photo is a *little* closer.

We headed out and collected our souvenir Easter eggs, which were passed out along with Peeps, M&Ms, and goldfish crackers. This was Quinn’s favorite part of the egg-venture.

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You can see Alex and Quinn up there on the left. I felt I should point out that they were there as they didn’t figure prominently in this post.

From there, Alex headed back to work (sad) and the rest of us headed home to collapse on the couch (happy). I know that we’ll probably never go back to the egg roll now that we’ve done it once, but I am so happy that we got to experience it. Thank you so much, Honest Tea!

* MCM Mama just ran five half marathons in five different states in five days. She is a rock star. You should totally read her series of posts about those races.

Disclosure: Honest Tea provided my family with tickets to the Easter egg roll, which, although free, we would not have been able to obtain otherwise. A super nice rep for the company also dropped off loads of egg-cellent tea and juice from their line on my porch last weekend.

*****

I wrote an egg-ceptional column at White Knuckle Parenting about why I wanted to go to the egg roll even though I knew it would most likely be a nightmare: Surviving the White House Easter Egg Roll. Check it out!

Proud

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I’ve been pretty excited about January 21st for a long time. My family always celebrates MLK Day with a big todo and when it fell on the same day as President Obama’s inauguration? Well, I was ready to celebrate.

We were going to watch the inauguration on TV and then MLK’s I Have a Dream speech on YouTube and then we were going to have cake and it was going to be great.

Things changed though, when Jess from Diary of a Mom, who does so much fantastic advocacy work, ended up with an extra ticket to the inauguration, and I jumped on her coattails and rode them all the way to DC.

Algernon rode her coattails too.

Algernon rode her coattails too.

I have a lot to say about our amazing day in (and eventual escape from) DC, but you know what is exhausting? Inauguration Day. Or more specifically, getting away from Inauguration Day. I will tell you all about it tomorrow.

Before I go to bed though, I will let you know that after I got home, we very happily watched Dr. King’s speech, complete with lively commentary from my three kiddos.

Then we sang happy birthday to Martin and had our cake, which was delightful.

Sam insisted on chocolate. Because, you know.

Sam insisted on chocolate. Because, you know.

In sum, today is a day that I was proud to be an American and proud of the leaders and heroes we get to learn from. It was exciting to be able to listen to the president and his terrific speech that was so much about equality and fair chances and then come home to kids who are so very interested in figuring that whole thing out for themselves.

So, not just proud to be an American, but proud to be a parent of such great little kids. (And proud to be a friend to the wonderful Jess. Thank you so much for taking me with you. You are a blast and a half to hang out with.)

Happy Inauguration Day, America. And Happy Birthday, Martin!

First Day

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It seems to be the thing to do this week to post photos of our offspring on their first day of school. Sadly, my kids all left the house at different times today because, hey, I think I might have mentioned that they’re all going to different schools these days. Consequently, I don’t have an adorable photo of all of my munchkins. Instead, I have individual photos, each taken with a varying degree of success.

This one turned out really well.

Sadly, his school bus never showed up.

Sam was first to leave and gave me the closest thing I got to a first day of school smile. Look at his natural pose and totally sincere smile.

He had a good day and didn’t yell at me until after he got home.

This next one, on the other hand, started yelling at me from the second he woke up. He was tired because he couldn’t fall asleep last night and I think he was probably stressed out about the first day. I was worried that I wasn’t going to get him all the way around the corner to the bus stop and up the steps of the bus.

I honestly can’t remember if I threatened him or bribed him, but I was effective enough to put him in motion.

This photo might not end up in a frame though.

(Incidentally, he yelled at me after he got home as well even though he seems to have had a good day. We made him go to sleep early tonight.)

Then Jack and I walked back down the street to wait for his bus. I was pretty sure it was going to be late because it was the first day and all, but I wasn’t prepared for it to drive right past where we were standing on the sidewalk…waving…and not even slow down.

If you were a bus driver, wouldn’t you stop for this?

The the driver called me and I was all, “Hey, yeah, I totally watched you turn onto my street, drive past us, and then turn off of our street. It was weird.” Eventually they came back and Jack very happily jumped on board. He’s been very worried about school, and he was sick enough yesterday that I was worried I wouldn’t be able to send him today, but everything turned around for him. When he got home and I asked him how school was, he told me that it was, “Awesome!”

Jack didn’t yell at me at all today.

Also? In between all the yelling, my day was quiet and delightful.

Three Elementary Schools Is…A Lot.

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This summer has been quite a time for me. Every week there has been something big going on—house guests, travel, personal revelations, intensive napping. It has all made the past couple of months with my kids home for the summer pass really quickly. School starts Monday for us and I can’t quite believe it.

I’ve had some low-level worry all summer about this year’s school situation, because Jack is moving to a brand new school and I fear the unknown. He’s worried too. He’s worried that the work is going to be too hard. I think that last year threw him because he had such a tough time. Interestingly, even though he had a tough time every day in class and his grades fell, he rocked the hell out of the state standardized tests. I know he can do the work. He just has to be able to relax and access that part of himself.

This is why I’m really hoping that when he sees how different this class is, he can settle in and have fun with school. Or at least not be miserable. I want him to really understand that there are only six kids and they are all autistic like him and his teacher will have enough time to really give him attention. I think that will help. He does so well in that type of environment.

Other than that, I have been kind of in denial about the logistics. Getting everyone to school last year was a complete nightmare. This year, buses have fallen into place, which means that all my kids will be on well-timed buses to and from school except Sam in the morning. I cannot tell you what a relief this is. Now if only I could get my kids to eat school lunch, my life would be complete.

The other thing that is stressing me out about this school year is that I’m not quite sure how to fit the activities, meetings, and class events for all three of my kids into one little schedule. I’m already concerned about Halloween. I mean, Alex and I can’t even divide and conquer, because there are more schools than there are us.

My first challenge of the year was open house on Friday. The great thing about open houses, where kids get to meet their teachers, is that schools decide that it’s a good idea to stuff every single family into the school in two hours. Or less. It’s chaotic. Add in travel time and parking at three different schools and you have a recipe for flop sweat.

Especially if this is your schedule:

Bad things happened to the schedule over the course of the day.

Also, fuck you, Jack’s school. 45 MINUTES?! Can you imagine if you had more than one student there? Also, not really. I’m sorry, Jack’s school. Please, don’t hate me. I’m paranoid now. DID I MENTION THAT I FEAR THE UNKNOWN?!

We headed out at 1 o’clock to find out who Quinn’s teacher is. The problem is that about 15 minutes before we left the house, Jack started to freak out. He told me his eyes hurt. All he seemed to want to do was lay down and cry. He felt warm and feverish.

The problem is that we had to go. We had to go. Quinn needed to be given the chance to find out who his teacher is and have a chance to see his classroom. Sam was really looking forward to going back to his school. I hadn’t had a chance to meet Jack’s teacher at all yet. We HAD to go.

My poor baby Jack. I gave him some Tylenol and put everyone in the car. We were a block away from the house when Jack threw it up.

I didn’t even stop the car.

I’m a terrible fucking person. But I didn’t know what to do.

We got to the Q-ball’s school and found out who his (awesome) teacher is. She is the same teacher Sam had in second grade and I feel very lucky that Quinn gets to have her too. We waited until 1:30 when we could go meet her and check out the classroom. Sam and Quinn were energetic.

Jack, less so.

We finally got up to Quinn’s classroom and Quinn settled in at the back of the class to draw on a whiteboard. I hope the teacher appreciated the last time Quinn will ever be quiet in her class. Quinn is a very different child than Sam. It will be fun to see the teacher realize that.

Quinn is also a child looking for the right hair conditioner.

Algernon also went to the open houses.

He is a mouse looking for the right soap.

The whole time we were in Quinn’s classroom, I had my eye on the clock. We had to be out of the school by 2:15 at the latest if we had any chance of staying on schedule. Furthermore, we had to stop by to say hello to our other favorite second grade teacher as well as Jack’s teacher from last year. It was a tightly packed schedule.

As we were walking to the car, Sam asked if we could stop and get food because he was hungry. I was all, “THERE IS NO TIME!” Then I threw an almost empty bag of Goldfish crackers at him when we finally got in the car—and four minutes ahead of schedule, I might add.

(Did I mention that I am a fucking terrible person? And mother? Because evidently I am.)

We got to Jack’s school just after 2:30 and snagged the second-to-last not entirely illegal parking space on the block. Then I started dragging my kids up this long hill and Jack started looking more and more ill because it was hot and humid and I tried to give him the ice pack I still had in my bag, but it was tepid and full of water by this time and he totally didn’t fall for it.

But! And yay! I met my new best-friend-at-Jack’s-school on the way in. She was all, Hi! And, I recognize your kids! And her husband told Sam about the vast conspiracy that we parents have to make kids’ lives as miserable as possible, which is SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET, SIR, but that’s okay because we already have a friend at Jack’s school!

(Said new best friend might be slowly backing away from her computer right now.)

Then we were left behind because at some point Jack sat down on the sidewalk and refused to go any farther and I was only able to get him to stand up by suggesting that maybe his teacher might have some water he could have. Honestly, at this point, I was just hoping that he wouldn’t puke in his new classroom. You know, BEFORE the first day.

We finally got to his classroom and met the teacher and the two paraeducators that work in this classroom of six kids. I know. I make an involuntary happy sighing noise every time I hear that too. Everyone was really nice and Jack seemed really happy there. He immediately found the quiet sensory corner and camped out there for the next 20 minutes.

He might end up there a lot.

Jack is going to be mainstreamed for part of the day, so I wanted to take him to meet the teacher who will be teaching him during those times, so we walked up a staircase to find her. Jack found a rocking chair in that room and parked there.

Then Quinn sat on his lap and Jack choked him in retaliation, which is out of character for him, and I was all disheveled and sweaty and the paraeducator was standing right there probably silently judging us and I kinda didn’t know what to do, so I just continued to stand there.

I ROCKED as a parent today; have I mentioned that?

I haven’t mentioned yet that this tiny 45-minute window also included a popsicle party in the school courtyard, where “party” really means “line to get a popsicle,” but Quinn and Sam were STOKED about it, so the paraeducator took us there. We walked down two flights of stairs, through this crazy maze-y space and finally found a door to the outside. I felt as if I should have left a trail of bed crumbs so we could get back out. This school is HUGE.

We got about five feet out the door into the hot, crowded courtyard, which stretched up a hill past a loud piece of machinery—I’m guessing air conditioner. And Jack stopped. And said, “I want to go inside.”

I was fine with that, but Sam and Quinn were already out of reasonable shouting range. I asked Jack if he could sit on the grass while I went and told the others that we were going back inside the doors and he shook his head no and said, “I can’t.”

I decided Jack needed me more than the other two, so I took him inside, found him a corner, sat him on the floor, and made him promise not to move while I went to tell his brothers where we would be. He agreed, so I went back outside. Sam and Quinn had stopped at the top of a short hill and were waiting patiently. Sometimes the two of them are crazy and impulsive and not as mannerly as I want them to be, but there are times where they really step up and do what I need them to do. I was really proud of them.

On the way out, I had to stop and take a photo of a member of our party on the red carpet that the school had laid out. It was a nice touch.

 Algernon appreciated the glamour.

Then we went back out to the car and at 3:23 we were on our way to Sam’s school, which was fortunately only five minutes away.

Things went smoothly there. Sam is in the highly gifted program at this school, where there is only one fourth and one fifth grade class for that program. So Sam knew who his teacher would be and also that all his classmates would be moving on with him. This made open house very easy and happy.

Algernon even managed to get a little bit of work done while we were there.

Awesomely, Jack was the one who posed him.

And while Sam was reconnecting with some of his buddies, Jack proposed to me.

He doesn’t look ill at all, does he? *headdesk*

The ring was some sort of bolt or fastener of some kind. I started to frantically look around in hopes that I would catch whatever expensive electronic equipment that he’d taken that off of before it smashed into a million pieces on the ground. Turns out he’d just found it on a desk and he was happy enough to return it. But the sentiment was nice.

Sam had an issue he had to discuss with his safety patrol teacher. It was kind of complex and based on fears and anxiety and leadership and he was able to talk to her about it like a real-life, grown-up person. It was impressive. Especially considering he had to do it with Quinn ping ponging off of him into the wall and back.

After that, we headed downstairs (I dragged a lot of kids up and down a lot of stairs today, people) to say hi to Sam’s teacher from last year.

There, Jack and Quinn found their own makeshift sensory area.

We returned to our car at 3:58. I can’t believe we did it. I immediately took my kids to buy them ice cream. They were awesome at those schools. I was really proud of them. I was also exhausted. Because I am not the type of person to keep my problems to myself, I sought sympathy from Alex.

And that was that.

What I really love about this exchange is that he wasn’t even fazed by the barfing. He just accepted it and moved on. He didn’t even need details.

Welcome to Team Stimey.

Now that open house is over, I’m really looking forward to Monday. Although if Jack (or any of my other children) is sick on Monday, I will probably cry. Because although I will force a sick child to go to three open houses, I won’t make him go to school.

Let the countdown to time alone begin!

Tidbits From Prison

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Today Team Stimey went to Alcatraz. I had a scenario in my head where we would end up on the news when Jack turned out to be the only person to disappear from the island and mysteriously appear on the mainland, but in fact no one fell in the Bay and everyone stuck close together and only Quinn was so whiny that we considered leaving him in a jail cell.

It was like we were a normal family.

Well, except for all the spinning through the corridors and the physical restraint of one kid *cough*Jack*cough* who had determined that the instructions coming from his audio tour were more important than the instructions coming from his parents. Also, the lady taking photographs of her stuffed mouse.

Speaking of Algernon, he went missing this morning. Everybody put on a brave face, but some of us were busy mentally creating missing posters that would unfortunately have to read, “Last seen wearing an onion ring.”

It’s possible he was trying to escape.

The truth is that we all thought Algernon was gone for good, but everyone was trying to make sure that his disappearance wouldn’t wreck our trip to prison. Then, after we parked the car before our tour, Jack gave me a hug, which involved his putting his hand into my sweatshirt pocket, and he suddenly had Algernon and we were joyous and the rest of the day was wonderful. Also, I’ve provided a monetary reward to Jack.

I know that I’ve been a little Algernon-heavy here lately and for that, I apologize. I promise to not only write about and post photos of him for the rest of time. In fact, I took something close to sixty billion photographs of seagulls today, so maybe I’ll tell you about those guys instead.

Like this angry fellow.

I mean, I guess I could write about Team Stimey itself, but that seems so…obvious.

Also, I’m tired, so for now I’ll just tell you that my kids are troopers, I’ve entirely given up trying to feed them nutritious food on this trip and we have moved to an all-dessert diet, and even though this next photo is not very good, it features all three kids and prison bars, so Imma share it with you.

Also, I had to sacrifice my sweatshirt to Sam. *sulk*

Tomorrow we are thinking about walking the Golden Gate Bridge. Keep your fingers crossed that no one gets run down by unruly tourists on rental bikes.

*****

I haven’t yet told you about our trip to get out here. Guess what, friends? We almoooooost got here without anyone barfing. (Sam, upon landing.) Naturally, this not entirely disastrous flight gave me the hubris to consider myself qualified to offer tips for flying with children. You can find them over at White Knuckle Parenting.

Algernon Does New York

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Have I mentioned that I went to New York? Well, someone else went with me.

Algernon totally overpacked.

Also, it’s not embarrassing at all to take photos like this in the train station. Algernon insisted though.

Algernon did a lot of pacing up and down the aisles and making noise in the quiet car, but eventually I settled him down in his seat and he stared out the window and waited for New York.

You can’t tell, but that’s New York out in the gray.

I already told you about the hour-long wait for our cab, but what I didn’t tell you about was how Algernon cursed up a storm. He was all, “THIS IS BULLSHIT!” and “HURRY UP, LOSERS!” and I pretended I didn’t know him, which was difficult considering that he was sitting in my computer bag at the time.

We finally got in a cab, being the third party to jump in front of the people at the front of the line. I don’t understand how someone at the front of the line can keep getting skipped over for cabs and why cabbies are allowed to say, I will drive to here but not to there, but by the time we were second in line and allowed to get into a taxi, I just apologized to the people in front of me and threw tip money at the guy flagging the cabs.

Fortunately, Algernon didn’t antagonize the cab driver.

We were super excited to get to our hotel room and see our view of the city, which turned out to be a view of some random courtyard.

Algernon: “Let’s tear this place apart!”

Fortunately, we had plans, so Algernon didn’t have very much time to get outraged. Also fortunately, we got a margarita bigger than him.

Algernon thanks you for his booze, Alysia.

Algernon went with me to the American Cancer Society’s Hope Lodge. There he looked up…

There’s a point on it. It must be the Empire State Building.

…and he looked down.

Algernon: “From up here, they look so small! They look like mice!”

If you follow me on Twitter, you may have seen a lot of photos of Algernon boozing it up over the weekend. That is because when he gets tipsy, he assumes everyone else thinks he as funny as he thinks he is and insists on showing everyone how hilarious he is. Or so he thinks.

He also ate a lot, even forgoing conference food for actual, real-life New York restaurants.

He chose carnitas tacos here. Yum.

In a completely happy coincidence that I didn’t notice until we sat down at breakfast the next day, Algernon and I chose the best table in the joint.

Even better if you get how mice and 42 fit together. I can’t help you if you don’t.

Sadly, there wasn’t even enough room for a mouse at the next meal, which was lunch while Martha Stewart was speaking. Fortunately, he doesn’t have much feeling one way or another for Ms. Stewart, so we were able to happily picnic in the hallway.

I felt lucky because Algernon is not always this flexible.

You may also notice that it was difficult for Algernon to find properly mouse-sized food. Until, that is, he happened upon the perfect grilled cheese sample in the expo hall.

Made for a mouse.

But when you eat a cupcake, it’s best to go large.

Especially if they’re from the Magnolia Bakery.

Sometimes it’s nice to get your very own Algernon-sized bag of personalized M&Ms from the best t-shirt lady in the business.

Mmmm, pink flavored.

The only problem is when someone *cough*Stimey*cough* traps you in a cake plate.

Mice always have to be on the lookout for shit like that.

Even if I was kinda mean to Algernon, he made more friends at the conference than I did. Remember the scary photo of all the Hot Pockets yesterday? They’re slightly less intimidating when there is only one of them.

Still creepy though.

Algernon is all about inter-species love. He found a buddy to give him a ride around the expo hall in the form of a slipper. Actually the cow only let him ride for a second, mostly because the cow was attached to a human foot at the time.

The human that the foot was attached to was very accommodating though.

Not everyone was so kind though. Abbie‘s kid’s crocodile was frankly kind of an asshole about the whole thing.

Never turn your back on a crocodile.

Fortunately, Algernon had a rave to go to in the form of the Sparklecorn party, so he was able to put the crocodile incident behind him.

He may or may not be attached to a beer bottle with a glow stick.

Algernon got a lot of action during the conference. A lot of the ladies were very into him, which makes me happy that I gave him that bath last week. One of his favorite ladies is Olivia from Fourth Breakfast, also known as my rodent guru.

 This is also one of my favorite photos (by Lady M) of all time.

I did know that the ladies would love Algernon. What I didn’t see coming was this:

Algernon is #nintendoenthused.

After the debauchery—and, yes, it was debauchery—Algernon chilled out in this vibrating tub by Kohler. Just FYI, if anyone is looking for a gift, this product would totally be acceptable.

Kristen also liked the bathtub.

Algernon had a really lovely time in the expo hall. You know why? Because brands seem to think that people dressed in funny costumes will get a lot of attention and end up in blog posts because they’re hilarious.

Hook. Line. Sinker.

Algernon met and took a photo with every single person dressed in a degrading costume.

The Lorax (with his own badge) was perhaps the least degrading.

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
nothing is going to get better. It’s not.

When we first came upon this banana, he looked morose. Dude swore he was just paying attention to something else, but I prefer to think that he was sad that he’d drawn the short straw and had to be the banana.

The humanity.

The banana suit may have been degrading, but Kikkoman had them beat. I may have shrieked with joy when I saw this lady. She was a good sport.

I will buy that brand of soy sauce just to thank poor
bottle lady for dressing up for my amusement.

Just in case you didn’t get enough of the Jimmy Dean guy last time, I thought I’d share with you his and Algernon’s special moment.

I wonder if he resents having to go to trade shows in a giant spiky ball.

I took Algernon with me to celebrate being honored in the Voices of the Year event, but he was pissed that Not Even Wrong was being honored. He was outraged—OUTRAGED—that Algernon Does Disney wasn’t on the list.

In his defense, he did work hard for that post.

We did, of course, attend a lot of sessions together. You know how sometimes you’re looking for a parking spot in a crowded parking lot and you see an empty one and get all excited and zoom up to it only to find that a motorcycle had parked there?

That’s exactly what it was like with Algernon in the panels.

I like whale eye lady in the row in front.

Happily, Algernon and I are of the same mind when it comes to sitting in the front row. What better place to be obnoxious by taking photos instead of paying attention.

Jeez. Everyone must hate us.

After all the fun we had, it was so sad to have to say goodbye, but all BlogHers must end and even Algernon had to say goodbye to his best girlfriends.

Algernon: “Marty! Annette! Call me!”

By this time, we were old hands at cabs, having ridden in them twice already. We do have a question for those of you who live in New York though: How often do taxis actually run over pedestrians? No reason for the question. It just seems…possible.

Also, how many people barf in cabs? Not that I did, but…oy.

Penn Station was lovely. Thank God for Annette, or Algernon and I would never have found our way in. We would have probably ended up in line for some event or other at Madison Square Garden and that probably wouldn’t have ended well, what with our suitcases and all.

Plus, Algernon hates loud music. It has to do with his ears.

You know how you’re not supposed to look like a tourist in New York? Well, obviously, I had failed miserably by this point in my trip, but do you know what makes you look like even more of a tourist than taking a photo of your luggage in Penn Station? Taking a photo of the pigeon wandering by your chair in Penn Station.

Especially if you put a stuffed mouse down first.

Three short hours, that one time re-boarding the train, and a frantic dig through my luggage for my car keys later, Algernon and I were back in my car and headed home to see the munchkins. And Alex. I guess.

Mental note: ALWAYS write the location of your car on your parking ticket.

Algernon really enjoyed his time in the sun (so to speak, ha, ha). He’s having a little bit of a hard time readjusting to life inside my handbag. Fortunately for him, we’re going on a family vacation soon, so he’ll get to do some more traveling. Because you know Algernon; he’s a globetrotter.

Thanks for sharing his latest adventure! Now it’s off to the baths again for him!

Disconnected and Random Stuff from BlogHer

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Aw, friends. You all are my favorites. All of you make being me so easy. I’m sure I will have more to say on the subject, but I want to tell you more about BlogHer and New York.

Algernon tore that town up.

Those are his drink tickets.

There is absolutely no way to fully explain what BlogHer conferences mean to me. I could try. I could try to tell you about the people and the joy. I could try to tell you how I was inspired by speakers and panelists. I could try to tell you how I met some new favorite people. I could try to tell you all the practical information I picked up in some of the sessions. I could try to tell you how I missed Susan. I could try to tell you about some of the very valid criticism of the conference that I heard and how most of it didn’t matter all that much to me. I could try to tell you about how much fun I had.

I could try to tell you all that, or I could just tell you about some of the silly things that stick out in my head, because it is way easier that way and the post will be only a million years long instead of six million years long. Also, maybe tomorrow I’ll tell you how Algernon got along in New York.

I got to New York on Wednesday evening because even though the conference officially started on Friday, they had a HealthMinder Day on Thursday that had a special needs track full of my people.

But before Thursday, I had to get to my hotel. I walked out of Penn Station only to find a horrifically long taxi line. And it was raining. And I was all, “There has to be a better way,” but I didn’t know how to use the subway, and I was afraid that I would annoy New Yorkers if I tried to walk down rush hour sidewalks with a suitcase, and I worried that if I walked a block away to try to get a cab, that I would self-destruct and spend the weekend curled in a ball in a doorway under my suitcase instead of at the conference.

So instead, I stood in line for an hour, which gave me a lot of time to practice saying, “I am going to 6th and 53rd. I am going to 6th and 53rd. I am going to 6th and 53rd.” Which I did. And it worked! I made it to the hotel, just in time to meet part of my gang of autism moms (and we ARE a gang) and go out to dinner at John’s Pizzeria—NO SLICES!

Eventually I ran into my roommate, Annette, and we had security called on us because we were apparently talking too loud in our room. I’m going to put that on third roommate, Algernon.

He’s a loudmouth.

HealthMinder Day was wonderful, mostly because I got to hang out with my special needs blogging friends, who mean so very much to me.

From there I headed with some friends to the American Cancer Society’s Hope Lodge. I hadn’t known about this facility before, but the Lodge is a place for cancer patients who are being treated in Manhattan to stay free of charge. It is beautiful and such a wonderful resource.

We were there to remember Susan by painting tiles for her that will be put together in a larger art piece in her honor.

She is so beautiful in that photo.

That is also where I got to start hanging out with Susan’s best friend, and one of my personal favorite people, Marty, a.k.a. Canape. I adore that woman. She’s fun.

And preeeettttyy.

I didn’t go to any fancy parties this year, but I did get out of the hotel to go to restaurants and to see some of the city with friends. It was perfect and relaxed and fun.

One of my high points was the Nintendo World Store, which I went to because I got a gift card to spend there because I am a Nintendo Brand Ambassador. More on that and the joy it brought my kids later. For now, this:

And, yes, this DOES make me the coolest mom.

Also, I might have gone to the Nintendo store and bought a chess set for my kids, but Bowser is the king, so I think it’s still okay.

The Voices of the Year reading is always one of the best events of the conference, and this year was no different. We listened to 15 amazing bloggers read their work and then there was a reception to honor them and the other hundred or so bloggers whose work was being honored.

Hmmm. I wonder who those hundred bloggers might be?

Why, look! One of them is me!

The expo hall was huge this year and I definitely made my way through it, although it was Algernon who made the most of the exhibits. I don’t do much work with brands anymore, so it’s not all that relevant to me. There was one piece of swag though that I walked all over the hotel to find.

It’s okay to scream in terror.

I love my stuffed Hot Pocket with sunglasses, arms, and tennis shoes. I will call him Percival.

There is one more place in the expo hall where I caused a HUGE scene and that was at the Jimmy Dean booth. I don’t know if you remember two years ago when I ran into the Jimmy Dean sun in a 29th-floor hallway at BlogHer, but it was a big deal to me.

So, when I rounded a corner in the expo hall and saw him again, I may have shrieked a little bit. I reminded him of our meeting in 2010, but I don’t think he remembered. Then I made him take his photo with me again.

YOU GUYS, IT IS THE SUN!!!!

And then I made him take his photo with Algernon.

It gets even more degrading from here.

I think the Jimmy Dean people loved it. It was like there were paparazzi, all for Algernon and the sun. I may have done some extensive jumping up and down and clapping.

Thanks for humoring me, friends at Jimmy Dean.

Then, they wanted to interview me because I probably looked like someone who ate a lot of Jimmy Dean and they were all, “How does Jimmy Dean fit into your life?” and I had to say, “Um. We don’t eat Jimmy Dean products, but I really love your commercials.”

By the time I left on Sunday, I was ready to go home and see Alex and my munchkins. I successfully navigated getting to Penn Station with Annette and got on my train and found a seat all by myself. And then at some point, I got off the train with my luggage at the wrong station and had to re-board in shame.

It was awesome. (<—sarcasm) And a very Stimey thing to do.

But at the end were these little dudes, which made the re-boarding instead of living in God Knows Where, Baltimore worth it all.

Now do something funny for blog fodder, mmmkay, kiddos?

*****

I wrote about what it is like to be away from my kids at White Knuckle Parenting this week. And last week I think I forgot to link to my column there in which I wondered if my kids would have survived in Olden Times.