Well, you can’t have the adorable child attempting to remove his legs so he looks even more like a Lego brick, but you can have the Lego brick costume.
1 adorable child
1 adorable child-sized box
6 cat food cans (it helps if you have a cat to eat the food)
1 can of glossy spray paint
1 glue gun
3-4 glue gun sticks
Now, naturally, your procurement of a child should probably take longer than 2-3 days. It is likely that you already have one of those. That’s good. You will also have to convince him or her that they want to be a Lego brick for Halloween. Find out what color and shape of brick your child wants to be. We went with a six-stud, rectangular black brick. My kid was very specific about this.
Step 1: Secure a box.
In many ways, this is the most difficult job of all. You can’t have a box that’s too big, or your kid won’t be able to get on the bus with his costume. You can’t have a box that’s too small, because “slutty Lego brick” isn’t a good look on anyone, even at Halloween. I lucked into my box by lurking in the produce department of my grocery store where a clerk was very slooooowly restocking bags of peanuts.
Briefly debate making your child go as Mr. Peanut instead.
Step 2: Remove the extraneous parts of the box.
This includes the flaps and the bottom. You will not need them. Promise. Then tape the box into box-shaped form.
Step 3: Cut a head hole.
Check to make sure said head hole fits on your child.
Make some more inside-your-head jokes about Mr. Peanut.
Step 4: Cut arm holes—two of ’em.
I made them oval instead of circles, so as to be the least restrictive environment for Jack. (Just a little special ed joke for those of you who will get it.)
Yep. Those fit too.
Step 5: Prepare to paint the box.
5.a. Put the box in your grass and establish sentry duty.
This went on for a while.
5.b. Locate your can of glossy black spray paint and shake-a, shake-a, shake-a! I bought two cans, but only ended up using one.
Take note of your excellent sentry.
5.c. Send your sentry and his attendant interloper away from the paint fumes.
5.d. Admonish your cameraman to stay far, far away from paint spray.
5.e. Break up sentry/interloper fist fight.
Step 6: Paint.
You will need two coats to cover the peanut.
It might be fun at this point to wonder exactly how bad for grass spray paint is. It might also be fun to make your kid stand in the paint square.
NOTE: You will need to spend YEARS training your kid to do
silly things like obediently stand in paint squares.
Make sure to let your spray painted box dry outside, because spray paint is really smelly. Wait a day, or several hours, before you put on the second coat.
Step 7: Start to worry about how to get the word “LEGO” on the cat food can brick studs.
Go to the craft store and start buy everything you think might help you do such a thing.
That thing in the back left is a green pumpkin, not a stenciling device.
All you really need, however, is a $3 glue gun. Don’t forget to buy extra glue gun sticks. I forgot and had to go back. Just be grateful that I’m not telling you to use those wood sticks and the x-acto knife to build the word “Lego.” I don’t know what I was thinking there.
Really, all you need is to use your glue gun to spell the word.
You might need to practice. See the difference?
Here’s what it looks like after you paint the cans.
Step 8: Stop worrying about it and go ahead and do it.
Move the cans before they dry and glue themselves onto your painting surface.
Step 9: Adhere the studs to the brick.
Pay close attention to this step, because you may have to re-perform it in haste after your child falls down wearing the Lego brick and the studs scatter in all directions.
Use your glue gun to put glue on the rim of the cat food can and stick it to the box.
Make sure all the words are facing the same direction. (That direction would be right side up.)
Step 10: Let the whole thing dry while you jump up and down excitedly.
Step 11: Admire your Lego brick.
It looks good like this…
…but it looks even better like this:
And that’s how you make a super awesome Lego brick costume.