Dipshit Friday: The Key Edition

Back in the day, there used to be a feature here on Stimeyland known as Dipshit Friday. I think it might be time to bring it back. In keeping with the theme, as long as this is posted at least 15 seconds before Friday ends, it still counts as Friday. You know, if you’re a dipshit.

Yellow square with the black silhouette of my pontificating gerbil wearing a big red dunce cap. Next to the gerbil in red letters, are the words "Dipshit Friday."I locked myself out of my house earlier this week.

I had all day free while my kids were in school, so I decided to go on a long run in training for my half marathon that is coming up next month. I walked out of my house wearing my Camelbak water backpack, locked the door, and put the key in a pocket of the Camelbak that I wasn’t planning on opening until I returned home.

Then I ran. And did some walking. And then ran some more. And then walked. And ran. And then wandered around a park for ten minutes, looking for a water fountain to refill my Camelbak, then ran some more and then finally stopped running and limped home. It was a rough run for me.

As I walked up my driveway, I took off my Camelbak and started rooting around for my key. I smelled so bad that even I was offended and all I could think about was drinking some cold water and showering.

That was when I discovered that my key was gone. I knew that it had to be in the Camelbak pocket. There was nowhere else it could be. I mean, I’d locked the door with it. I’d put it in the pocket. I’d returned and unzipped the pocket. Where was it?

I looked everywhere in the Camelbak. I doublechecked my work. I looked around on the ground in front of my door in case I’d just dropped it instead of putting it in the pocket. It was nowhere to be found.

The only thing I could figure out was that I’d accidentally put it in the wrong pocket and it had fallen out during my run when I was grabbing an energy chew or when I got that phone call and was afraid it was Quinn’s school and I panicked trying to get my phone out of the pocket. Or, I thought, maybe it was at mile eight when I got all tangled up in the Camelbak straps and my headphones cord and had to stop to figure out how not to strangle myself to death.

I’m extremely good at doing more than one thing at a time.

Anyway, I knew Jack would be home in a little over an hour and he has a key to the house just in case his bus ever drops him off when I’m not home. I sat down on the steps and called Alex to tell him what had happened somewhere over the course of the last 12ish miles.

“Are you going to retrace your steps to find it?” he asked.

He was extremely helpful. Jackass.

I went to the backyard to sit in our hammock. Our trusty hammock has been with us through thick and thin for two years. I knew it would provide me comfort until Jack arrived.

I sat on the hammock—and promptly fell to the ground as it disintegrated under me after having been outside in good and bad weather for two years.


I sat there for a while…on the ground…partly held up by the broken hammock…because, you know…TIRED. I eventually moved to a chair on my back porch where I could watch my cat watch me.

Photo taken through glass of my cat staring at me.


Eventually she got bored and fell asleep and I was all, SCREW YOU CAT.

After that, I headed back around to the front of the house and sat by the driveway to wait for Jack. When he arrived, he was absolutely delighted to be a hero and let me in.

Photo of Jack using his key to unlock the door.

Jack is NOT the dipshit in this story.

We went inside. I showered. Jack basked in being awesome. When it was time to get Quinn from the bus stop, I headed outside and ran into Sam in the driveway as he arrived home. We stopped and chatted for a minute and during the conversation, I looked at the ground.

Where I saw…

Photo of a silver key on my asphalt driveway.

Of course.

I must have sat right next to that key for like twenty minutes as I was waiting for Jack’s bus to arrive.

And that’s how you do Dipshit Friday.

Running Strong

Now that things have settled down a little bit for me, I have been doing a lot of running. My team relay race is coming up in mid-October and I was also dumb enough to sign up for my first half marathon in mid-September, so there is definitely a reason why all the running is necessary—I mean, beyond the obvious mental and physical health reasons.

I’m happy to report that even though I did very little running in May and June, things are going really well for me and my feet. I mean, I do have semi-debilitating pain in a hip, a knee, and a peroneal tendon of the ankle. However, I’m kind of choosing to ignore much of that in a partly educated guess that it’ll all work out fine.

Because that’s what happens, right? Things work out fine.

Some running news from my life:


I ordered a running visor online a few weeks ago, because I was way too lazy to track one down at a store. This probably bodes poorly for my ability to actually, you know, run, but let’s not look at that too closely.

Anywho, I got the shipping confirmation and it was all, “Please be aware that if it rains, your shipment may be delayed,” which made me wonder, how is this visor being shipped—by Pony Express?


My new house resides at the veeeeery top of a hill. Like in all directions. It is literally at the highest point in all directions. I’m pretty excited about this in terms of floods, but less excited in terms of running. I mean, it’s great when I’m leaving the house, but every single run ends with a half- to one-mile run up a fairly steep hill.

Sure, it’s probably good for me in terms of hill training and all, but it is terribly irksome when I am tired.


As I mentioned up there at the top of this post, I signed up for my first half marathon.

I am scared to fucking death.

I visited the registration page probably 8 or 9 times before I actually registered. Thirteen miles seems like a lot of miles. Plus, there is a time limit on this half marathon, which is extremely close to my running pace. They asked for my expected finish time down to the second, so I put 2 hours, 40 minutes, and 32 seconds, just to be a jerk.

Of course, that estimate is absurd. I plan to finish in 2 hours, 40 minutes, and 18 seconds.

Yes, I am aware that this time estimate is FOREVER in terms of a half marathon. I don’t care. I plan to be very proud of me when I finish.


I have been aware for a while now that if you want to run longer distances, mid-run fueling is important. I have also been aware that I could never consume anything that has a name pronounced “goo.”

I have a friend who suggested sport jelly beans. Nope, I couldn’t handle their taste and texture. I came up with the idea that I could eat Snickers bites on the run. Nope, I ate them all before I went running. For my ten-miler, I took Jolly Ranchers with me for at least a sugar boost. I’m not sure they helped, plus I think they were probably a choking hazard.

Happily, I have discovered Clif Shot Bloks, which are not terrible. Plus, you can get a flavor that comes with caffeine! I couldn’t be happier.


I did a ten and a half mile run today, which was awesome. My feet and legs hurt at the end, but I could have kept running, so I feel good about that. I could not, however, have kept running up the hill leading to my house. I walked that motherfucker with a stop midway to stretch.

I tell you about this run not only to be all, “I did a ten and half mile run today,” but also because it started out really hard. I was scheduled for said ten-miler today, but was only three and a half in when my ankle started to hurt and I was tired and I almost stopped and turned around.

In fact, I did stop. Twice. I thought, “Today might not be the day.” But I’m reading a book by an ultramarathoner and I was all, I bet he never stops a run at mile 3.5. So I kept moving. I stopped my Garmin and I walked for about a quarter of a mile and then I started to run again.

So I restarted my Garmin and ran seven more miles. I didn’t even walk the uphills. (Until the end, naturally.) In fact, my originally planned route turned out to be not quite long enough for my planned ten, so I added a whole long section to extend the run.

Yay, me. I rock. I spent a couple of hours in pretty extreme pain after I returned home, but eventually much of the soreness dissipated and now I can totally stand up without crying.


I ran my last longer-than-10k race (a 10-miler) in March. I have been worried that because I didn’t run for a couple of months that I have lost too much fitness and that a half marathon would be too much for me. But based on my recent runs, I can tell how much stronger I am now than I was then.

That feels great. Like really, really great.

I have a healthy layer of chub on my body, but you know what is under that soft, bouncy surface? Rockin’ muscles.

Sure, I’d rather those muscles were on the outside. I’m still not happy with my body shape. That said, I am very happy with my body. It is pretty awesome and can do a lot.

Hells yeah. Bring on 13 miles.

Noise Dysregulation and Running Regulation

Saturday evening started out rough for me.

Our neighbors had a party and we could hear their music in our house. And I know that people are allowed to have parties. And even though I think that after you reach a certain age, you are supposed to have parties where the music only lives inside your own house, I know that people have parties with loud music.

Unfortunately, music seeping into my house from the outside is one of my biggest sensory nightmares. It completely dysregulates me. I have to wear headphones with my own music blasting, but I still can’t do much that is functional. I get agitated and stressed and a rock drops into my chest and I have to escape.

It’s pretty horrible, honestly.

Fortunately, on Saturday, I had someplace to go.

I had signed up for an 8K race that started at 8:45 at night. I was an early arrival thanks to my fleeing the house, but at least I had plenty of time to decompress.

The bummer of the whole thing, however, is that I had absolutely no desire to run five miles, especially after my rough early evening. Adding to that is the fact that running has been really tough for me lately. There are a lot of reasons for that, chief among them being that I barely ran at all in May and June because of everything that was going on in my life. In addition, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it is damn hot out there. And humid. And generally horrible.

Saturday night was cool and dry though. And two of my running friends who were running the race also met me at there. They are super fun to be with and by 8:45, I was relaxed again.

Sadly, I still didn’t want to run five miles.

Happily, I didn’t have a lot of choice in the matter, as I was lined up in the race corral wearing a number and my running shoes, plus my friends probably would have been confused if I’d just sat on the ground instead of moving forward.

So move forward I did.

Step step step step/breath. Step step step step/breath.

I started to run and with each quartet of steps and each breath, I felt better. My body loosened and relaxed and I settled in for the next hour of steps and breathing. Because when you really look at it, that’s all running is—steps and breathing.

As it turns out, everything I needed after getting away from my house that night was steps and breathing.

I returned to my house late Saturday night, happy, tired, and (thank god) to a neighbor who had turned off his music.

Fun Run

Hey, guess what? You were right! I was sick! Hooray! I’ve never been so happy to have a cold! Especially because I’m already starting to feel better.

This is especially fortunate because I am running a 10K this weekend and I would rather not run every race I’m registered for this year whilst in the throes of the ague. I haven’t had much of a chance to run this week, what with my heavy time commitments in the areas of whining and complaining, so I decided to try to get a short run in this afternoon while Sam was at soccer practice.

Photo of Sam running backwards on a soccer field.

Sam. At soccer practice.

The only flaw in my plan was that I was in charge of Jack and Quinn as well. They were extremely happy on the swings that overlook the soccer field, so I tried to run back and forth on the path that snaked between them that allowed me to still watch my smaller munchkins and make sure they weren’t departing for more interesting pastures.

Sadly, it only took me a few minutes to realize that I would have to run something like 38 tiny laps to get any decent mileage.

I did not want to run 38 tiny laps.

Happily, when I said to Jack and Quinn, “Come on, guys; run with me!” they did! We departed down the path, leaving the soccer field behind us.

Photo of a paved trail through trees. Quinn and Jack are on the trail ahead of me, running away from the camera.

Jack and Quinn. Running.

It was, by far, the least productive run I’ve been on in a long time, but oh dear lord was it fun.

They actually did a really good job too. We would run for a little bit and then we would walk and if we saw a dog, we would stop to pet it. I kept track of our running (not the walking parts) on my Garmin and they ran for a little over a mile.

Like rock stars.

I think it might have been when my kids were marveling over the group of seven deer that we happened upon, followed by much excitement over a robin pecking around nearby that I realized how much fun running with my kids is.

Quinn would run up ahead and then jump out from behind a tree to ambush Jack and I and we would laugh. Jack and I would run really fast to catch up to Quinn and then he would scream and cry when we ambushed him. Both kiddos made serious but ultimately unsuccessful efforts to pet deer. We watched a creek. We had a heart-stopping lesson in remembering to stop at roads. Jack politely informed a smoker that he should quit for his health. Quinn hid from a peloton of bikers on a nearby road by crouching behind a bank of daffodils. Jack quite literally stopped to smell the flowers.

Jack walking throgh trees on a paved path while inspecting something he is holding in his hand.

Then Jack picked said flowers, told me he wanted me to help him make a dye out of them, and very carefully inspected them for suitability. It slowed us down considerably.

The whole damn thing was delightful as hell.

We got back in plenty of time for Jack to find more flowers and for Quinn to play on the swings and run into a friend from his class at school.

Photo of Quinn swinging.

Quinn has recently made great strides in his swinging ability. He gets JOY from swinging now. It’s awesome.

I run for a lot of reasons. I run to be healthy, to be fitter, to be faster, to train for races, to feel strong. Today I ran for fun. Just for fun. It was wonderful. I’ll have to remember to do that more often. And I need to remember to invite my new little running buddies to do it with me.

And then soccer practice ended and Quinn called Sam stupid and Sam threw a shoe that hit Quinn in the face and there was no more happy for anyone ever again. So, there’s that.

Wait. There actually is a little more happy. But just a little.

Photograph of a plant. Due to the position of its purple flowers and the shape of it's green leaves and the coloring of the purplish leaves at the very top, this plant looks just like a very silly bird.

“Hello! I’m a bird! I bring happy back!”


I’m pretty sure I’m just about the best runner in the world.

Do you want to be the best runner in the world too? Well, I am here to help.

Step 1: Run

Bad drawing of me running.

It helps if you run while having a disproportionately tiny head.

Step 2: Run along an extremely busy road.

Sam bad drawing as before, but with cars added on the road.

Please to extrapolate to imagine many more cars on the road.

Step 3: Don’t notice the tripping hazard in front of you.

Drawing of a sidewalk from the POV of a runner looking down. There is a tiny dot a little ways ahead with a label that says, "miniature dust mote." Drawing with same POV as above, but the dot is closer to the shoes now and has the label "still tiny"Step four: Fall spectacularly flat on your face after tripping over essentially nothing.

Two drawings next to each other (1) Me, mid-fall saying "nooooo...." (2) me flat on my face on the sidewalk saying "oof."

It may feel way more slow motion than depicted here though.

Step five: Regardless of how badly you may or may not be hurt, jump up as if nothing at all happened.

Drawing of me standing up with a surprised look on my face.

Bonus points if you can make it look like you did an intentional burpee.

Step six: Recommence running, while mentally assessing injuries.

This is the same drawing as the first showing me running.

Don’t limp. Even if you broke something.

Step seven: Strategically plaster on a self-deprecating grin while shaking your head in amusement at yourself until all the cars that saw you fall drive away.

Drawing of a closeup of my face with a huge grin.

Die a little inside.

Step eight: Run the rest of the way home before you inspect your bloody knees and scraped up palms.

Aaaaaand done! Congratulations! You are also the best runner in the world!

Project Stimey 2.0

Project StimeyIt has been one year and one day since I started Project Stimey, which means it is time to stop, assess, and recommit. As I mentioned in my last post, my resolution at the beginning of 2013 was this:

My goal this year is to improve my overall physical health. By the end of 2013, I want to weigh less, I want to be fitter, I want to be a water drinker instead of a soda drinker, and I want to be altogether more awesome.

As I also mentioned, I managed to do all of these things, but some of them not all the way. That, however, was kind of the point for me. Giving myself an end goal, like “LOSE ALL THE WEIGHT” would have set me up for failure. This way, when I lost SOME of the weight, I ended up feeling good about myself instead of wanting to kill myself. Win-win!

As for fitness, I am definitely way better off than I was a year ago. I ran 465.51 miles this year in just more than 100 hours. I ran seven races, including the relay race I spent most of the year training for. I ran an 8k race in September at a three minute per mile faster pace than when I had run the same race the year before.

Also, my body is changing in good ways.

Running photos taken a year apart

I’m not where I want to be, but I’m moving in the right direction.

As for the soda drinking, I’m afraid I haven’t been as honest with you as I could have been. It was February when I told you that I was making good progress quitting Diet Coke. Then I completely regressed without telling you and drank mass amounts of Diet Coke right up until December 29, when I realized that I only had two days left if I planned to quit before new year’s.

It was a sad day, let me tell you. Honestly, though, the next day was sadder with no happy brown bubbles to cheer me up.

I’m on Day Four with no soda and I feel totally fine physically, but damn if I don’t miss it. I know that it is just a matter of getting out of the habit of drinking soda all the time. I’m now getting in the habit of drinking water instead. I should tell you that water is stupid.

I am so fucking hydrated right now that I want to scream.

But healthier! No more phenylalanine for me! Yay! *grumpy face*

As for next year, I really just want to keep moving down the road I’m on. My 2014 resolution is to continue to improve my overall physical health. I will continue to work on running and increasing my mileage and speed, but I really want to work on eating cleaner as well. Per usual, I will plan to increase my general awesomeness again.

I want to run at least one half marathon this year, hopefully this spring, but I haven’t found one yet. My relay team is also planning another fall relay. And, again, we have openings if any of you are interested in joining our team.

Just like last year, you can keep tabs on me through my distance log and my race list.

Let’s inspire each other! Let me know what your goals are and how you’re going to make them happen. We can all be awesomer in 2014!

Stimey’s 2014 Distance Log

Project Stimey Distance Log

Date Distance Time Pace
Th 1/2/14 2.00 miles 26:25
Sa 1/4/14 2.00 miles 24:00
Su 1/5/14 2.10 miles 25:45
M 1/6/14 2.00 miles 24:12
W 1/8/14 2.00 miles 23:04
Th 1/9/14 1.25 miles 14:49
Sa 1/11/14 2.25 miles 27:31
Su 1/12/14 1.12 miles 13.35
M 1/13/14 2.81 miles 36:43 13:05 min/mi
Tu 1/14/14 2.01 miles 24:31 12:11 min/mi
W 1/15/14 2.24 miles 27:29 12:17 min/mi
W 1/22/14 2.01 miles 23:21
M 1/27/14 3.69 miles 45:23 12:18 min/mi
W 1/29/14 3.1 miles 38:10
Th 1/30/14 3.98 miles 48:57 12:19 min/mi
F 1/31/14 4.87 miles 1:02:24 12:49 min/mi
January Totals 39.43 miles 8:06:19
Su 2/2/14 3.1 miles 38:25 12:10 min/mi
W 2/5/14 2.85 miles 35:30 12:29 min/mi
Th 2/6/14 2.25 miles 26:33
F 2/7/14 4.49 miles 57:13 12:45 min/mi
Sa 2/8/14 6.77 miles 1:24:54 12:33 min/mi
Su 2/9/14 4.37 miles 53:52 12:19 min/mi
W 2/12/14 2.25 miles 27:39
Th 2/13/14 2.5 miles 29:51
F 2/14/14 8 miles ~1:45:00 13:00 min/mi
Sa 2/15/14 3.02 miles 40:00
Su 2/16/14 2.50 miles 31:16 12:29 min/mi
Tu 2/18/14 3.06 miles 39:51
W 2/19/14 5.10 miles ~1:06:00 12:40 min/mi
Th 2/20/14 7.76 miles 1:40:31 12:57 min/mi
Su 2/23/14 5.04 miles 1:00:33 12:01 min/mi
Tu 2/25/14 5.47 miles 1:08:39 12:33 min/mi
February Totals 68:53 miles 14:25:47
Su 3/2/14 10 miles 2:09:39 12:58 min/mi
Tu 3/4/14 2 miles 25:54
W 3/5/14 3.11 miles 42:15
Tu 3/11/14 1.82 miles 22:33
W 3/12/14 1.82 miles 21:39
Th 3/13/14 3.10 miles 37:55
F 3/14/14 2.18 miles 24:23 11:11 min/mi
Su 3/16/14 4.13 miles 50:31
M 3/17/14 1.74 miles 21:19
Tu 3/18/14 3.56 miles 43:49
W 3/19/14 2.86 miles 35:01
Th 3/20/14 2.09 miles 25:04
Su 3/23/14 2.17 miles 24:37 11:21 min/mi
Tu 3/25/14 4.45 miles 54:26
W 3/26/14 2.00 miles 23:09
F 3/28/14 4.00 miles 46:42
Su 3/30/14 ~2.00 miles ~24:00
M 3/31/14 3.34 miles 38:42 11:36 min/mi
March Totals 56.39 miles 11:31:38
Tu 4/1/14 6.20 miles 1:15:00
W 4/2/14 4.56 miles 57:36 12:39 min/mi
Th 4/3/14 2.08 miles 25:36 12:06 min/mi
Sa 4/5/14 3.24 miles 36:16 11:12 min/mi
M 4/7/14 3.55 miles 41:46
Tu 4/8/14 2.58 miles 29:38 11:30 min/mi
W 4/9/14 3.46 miles 41:21
Th 4/10/14 2.94 miles 35:40 12:08 min/mi
F 4/11/14 5.00 miles 1:03:51 12:46 min/mi
Su 4/13/14 5.75 miles 1:08:31 11:55 min/mi
Tu 4/15/14 3.23 miles 38:30
W 4/16/14 2.01 miles 24:38
Tu 4/22/14 3.34 miles 40:52
Th 4/24/14 1.60 miles 19:47 12:21 min/mi
F 4/25/14 3.39 miles 45:02
Su 4/27/14 6.23 miles 1:08:18 10:57 min/mi
M 4/28/14 3.24 miles 37:54 11:42 min/mi
W 4/30/14 3.68 miles 43:14
 April Totals 66.08 miles 13:13:20
Th 5/1/14 1.19 miles 15:00
Su 5/4/14 2.21 miles 25:26 11:31 min/mi
M 5/5/14 4.19 miles 48:41 11:37 min/mi
W 5/7/14 5 miles 1:00:48 12:09 min/mi
Th 5/8/14 4.07 miles 47:34 11:41 min/mi
F 5/9/14 2.19 miles 25:28 11:39 min/mi
Su 5/11/14 4.26 miles 49:25 11:35 min/mi
W 5/14/14 5.50 miles ~1:13:00
May Totals 28.61 miles 5:45:23
Sa 6/7/14 3.08 miles 34:46 11:16 min/mi
Sa 6/14/14 3.72 miles 49:20 13:17 min/mi
Tu 6/17/14 2.32 miles 31:19 13:30 min/mi
W 6/18/14 4.10 miles 50:59 12:26 min/mi
 June Totals 13.22 miles 2:46:24
W 7/2/14 2.57 miles 36:01
F 7/4/14 4.53 miles 56:48 12:33 min/mi
Sa 7/5/14 2.77 miles 33:57
Su 7/6/14 3.30 miles 40:10 12:10 min/mi
Tu 7/8/14 2.60 miles 35:11 13:31 min/mi
W 7/9/14 3.10 miles 39:12
F 7/11/14 6.48 miles 1:20:12 12:22 min/mi
Su 7/13/14 2.77 miles 34:19 12:24 min/mi
Tu 7/15/14 5.86 miles 1:15:21 12:51 min/mi
Sa 7/19/14 5.04 miles 58:52 11:41 min/mi
Su 7/20/14 2.16 miles 25:47 11:56 min/mi
Tu 7/22/14 5.44 miles 1:06:35 12:15 min/mi
W 7/23/14 2.61 miles 36:04 13:51 min/mi
F 7/25/14 3.87 miles 45:29 11:46 min/mi
Sa 7/26/14 4.08 miles 51:03 12:31 min/mi
Su 7/27/14 3.18 miles 33:21 10:30 min/mi
Su 7/27/14 0.73 miles 8:31 11:38 min/mi
Tu 7/29/14 7.45 miles 1:28:10 11:50 min/mi
W 7/30/14 2.45 miles 27:42 11:19 min/mi
 July Totals 70.99 miles 14:32:45
F 8/1/14 3.08 miles 36:52 11:57 min/mi
Sa 8/2/14 2.56 miles 31:27 12:17 min/mi
Su 8/3/14 6.09 miles 1:13:48 12:07 min/mi
W 8/6/14 8.90 miles 1:50:31 12:35 min/mi
Tu 8/12/14 3.03 miles 38:29
W 8/13/14 3.23 miles 39:23
F 8/15/14 10:53 miles 2:09:40 12:19 min/mi
Su 8/17/14 5.82 miles 1:13:36 12:38 min/mi
Sa 8/23/14 1.29 miles 15:30
Su 8/24/14 4.36 miles 52:19 12:01 min/mi
M 8/25/14 5.82 miles 1:07:49 11:39 min/mi
W 8/27/14 11.41 miles 2:25:00 12:42 min/mi
F 8/29/14 5.88 miles 1:09:15 11:46 min/mi
Sa 8/30/14 2.25 miles 26:18 11:40 min/mi
Sa 8/30/14 1.81 miles 25:00
Su 8/31/14 3.00 miles 36:03
August Totals 79.36 miles 16:11:00
September Totals
TOTALS: 432.48 miles 80:47:13

Run Notes:

August 30: This second run was the Electric Run 5K that I ran with Sam. 1.81 miles is where we went from running then run/walking to straight up walking.

August 29: The difference between a good run (today) and a bad run (Wednesday) is ridiculous. I don’t even think it was about the distance. I just felt SO much better today. Today I really remembered why I run. Later: Oh. I just looked at the elevation graph. It was about elevation. It was TOTALLY about elevation.

August 27: This was kind of a terrible run. It was hot out and I was having a hard go of it. This distance and pace isn’t super accurate either because it reflects some walking that I did during my run, but I also did a fair amount of walking that isn’t included in that time/distance that the Garmin measured. So this is like a vague reflection of my outing today. That said, the fact that I did 12:42 during a walk/run of 11.41 miles is hopefully a good sign that I can do my half marathon in under 12:26, which is the course cut off time. Also, my route today was hillier than my half marathon, which is also a hopeful sign. Because I am slow like a motherfucker on hills.

August 17: I like that I am back running enough so that this morning when I woke up, I knew that I had to do a run today, but “only six miles.” That said, there was nothing “only” about this run. There was a bad combination of heat, not being hydrated enough, and oh god that sandwich I ate earlier that I started to regret almost immediately after leaving the house. This run turned into more of an amble, but at least I ran the damn thing, up to and including the hill by my house.

July 27: This first run was a 5K race and a PR. It was great. Weirdly, my official time was 20 seconds longer than this. I’m not sure why. I’m pretty sure I started and stopped my Garmin right at the start and the finish—certainly not 20 seconds early or late.

July 23: Another hill workout. This time was three full trips up and down the hill. It was hot. And steep. I thought I might die.

July 22: I have this hill by my house that I usually have to run up to get home. Today I checked the length and elevation climb of said hill. It climbs 145 feet in .43 miles. Doing hill repeats there ought to get me in shape.

July 19: This was the Rockville Twilighter 5K. I was worried about it because I’ve been having a hard time running lately, which is worrisome in general. But then I ran this 5-mile course in cool temps with little humidity and felt great and ran well. It was extremely encouraging. I also ran without headphones, which was fun.

July 9: Slow treadmill run. Remind me never to take a month off from running again. Getting back is hard.

July 8: My first dedicated hill workout. I did 2-3/4 runs down and up the big hill by my house. At 1pm. In 90-degree heat. There was some walking involved. Ugh.

June 14 & 17: Both were walk/runs.

June 7: This was Colleen’s BA5K. It was a PR, even if I only ran 3.08 miles. I swear I ran the whole course. I was more than a minute faster than my previous 5K PR. Although this is a very flat course.

May 11: Interval training. ZR Workout #3 on track: 2.08 miles; ZR Default Workout on track: 2.18 miles.

May 9: Interval training. ZR Workout #2 on track.

May 4: Interval training. ZR Default Workout on track.

April 28: I was super tired today. Lot of walk breaks.

April 27: This was Pike’s Peek 10K. A PR. I am super proud of myself.

April 24: Today was this run.

April 9: I never thought I’d say this, but I’m kinda learning to love the treadmill.

April 5: Today was Ben’s Run 5k. I wanted to race under 36 minutes, but I just missed that. That said, I ran .14 miles more than a 5k, so I probably hit my 5k goal. Still, technically, I’m still not under that 36 minute mark. However, I ran 2 minutes and 10 seconds faster than I ran my last 5k, which was two months ago, so I’m going to count this as a win.

April 3: This is approximate because of a user error in correctly pushing on/off buttons on my Garmin. In related news, I’m pretty tired today and finishing my workout on the elliptical where I can lean on something.

March 25: Bad news: I have only run outside three times in March. Good news: I am learning how to kick ass at running on the treadmill. Bad news: I have only run hills three times in March. Good news: What used to feel fast (12 min/mi) on the treadmill is now my easy treadmill pace.

March 4: My blisters hurt.

March 2: This was the Reston 10-miler. Oh my, this was hard. I was sick in the days coming into this race and really worried about it. Honestly though, even if I hadn’t been sick, I think I would have done about the same pace. I was aiming for a 13 min/mi pace, so it looks like I did it! I’m super proud of myself.

February 23: This was a great run. Except for when I faceplanted in the middle of it.

February 20: This was my test run to see how I’d do on a long run not on the treadmill. Considering I’m aiming for a 10 min/mi pace, I think I did great, especially considering the pace I turned in included the times I had to slow to a walk to hike over piles of snow. This amount of time was not insubstantial. Hopefully this will not be an obstacle during my race. I also felt good and like I could run another couple miles at the end, so that is encouraging, especially since the last 1 1/2 miles of my race next week is primarily downhill. Yay, me!

February 19: Woohoo! Fifty miles this month already! If I keep this up, I’ll make up for slacking off in January. My goal this year is at least 600 miles, so I’m on target!

February 16: I was going to run longer today, but it is hazardous and deep in snow out there. I miss sidewalks. Also, I’ve changed my goals in terms of my 10-mile race in two weeks. The time cutoff is a 13:30 min/mi pace, so I am aiming for a 13 min/mi pace. For the next two weeks, I’m not trying to hit 12 min or 11 min. I am aiming for a solid 13 min/mi pace. I know it’s slow, but I figure I can train for the 10-mile distance or for a faster shorter distance. I might sign up for another 5k soon to work on speed.

February 8: Shit, I run so slow now. I feel a little sad about it and am regretting not running for much of November and December. I’m currently panic training for a 10-miler I’m running on March 3 at which I have to average at least a 13:30 min/mi before they close the course.

February 2: This was the Penguin Pace 5k. I placed 426th out of 519.

January 27: You may notice that I haven’t run much lately. There are reasons. Have you been outside? It is fucking cold out there. Also, my knee tweak was bothering me and I was worried that running on it would cause permanent damage, blah, blah, blah, so I just used my elliptical, but the knee wasn’t getting any better so I finally went out and bought a knee sleeve and OMG, guess what? My knee felt better whilst running. You should know, however, that it is extremely difficult to run on unshoveled/icy sidewalks.

January 13: Today was my first outdoor run of the year. I cannot tell you how good it felt. I definitely have to get off the treadmill and back on the road more often. It is sooo much better. It’s harder too though. And slower. Treadmills are flat. I also have to do some more core work to make my back stronger again.

January 12: Ugh. Tired.

January 8: It turns out that I am physically incapable of running farther than two miles at a time on a treadmill. I am also mentally incapable of forcing myself to run outside in the polar vortex. Therefore I decided to run faster on the treadmill for two miles.  It’s something.

January 4: A big part of the reason I didn’t run in November and December was because it didn’t feel good. I was tired and had a hard time motivating myself to get outside to run and once I was there, I was just too tired to run that far. Even after I ran, I didn’t feel all that good. After today’s run, I felt great and I remembered why I love to run. I hope to feel that coming back more and more.

January 2: It turns out that if you don’t run for two months that you lose a lot of your stamina. Also, treadmills suck and I’m way slower on them. Still, new year, new opportunity. I’m back on track.