Category Archives: Stimey

Diet Coke Detox

Posted on by
48

Last you heard of me, I was having problems being motivated and I was spending the weekend binging. I decided that as long as I was having a hard time getting outside to run because of the weather and my lack of motivation, I might as well take the opportunity to bite the bullet and drop the soda.

Here’s where I stand right now: I decided to quit starting Monday. It has gone well. I can definitely feel my body being sad about the lack of soda and caffeine, but I haven’t had any of the really crazy quitting side effects that you will find if you Google something like “aspartame addiction.” (Don’t do that if you’re going to stop drinking Diet Coke, by the way.)

I haven’t been 100% successful though. I have had two cans of soda each day this week, but that waaaaaay less than I usually drink. There are only three or four cans left in my fridge though, so when those run out, I’ll be carbonation free!

There is no doubt in my mind that I will successfully quit. I’m sad about it—I really like soda—but I know that will fade and I will be healthier. Yay, me! Even if I didn’t do a lot of running, I would say that this was a week well spent.

That said, I will now subject you to an overdramatic, minute-by-minute retelling of the GREAT QUITTING. Because I’m me. And we all know that this is what I do.

photoSunday, 11 pm: I chug a can of Diet Coke—my last Diet Coke ever! I then lie awake in my bed until the caffeine wears off.

*****

Monday, 7:30 am: I wake up and feel sad that I can’t have my morning soda. I already miss the bubbles. I look wistfully at the fridge, but go brush my teeth instead.

7:48 am: Panic ensues. I consider quitting the quitting. I take Advil with water instead. Water is stupid.

8:39 am: I’ve already drunk 30 ounces of water this morning. Huh. So this is what being hydrated feels like.

8:52 am: I reminisce about soda. Remember how delicious it was? I miss it already. I also remember that there are several leftover cans of soda in the fridge. I decide that I will allow myself one EMERGENCY SODA per day until they run out. (We already know that this evolved into two sodas. Let’s just pretend I planned it this way.)

…the morning passes with yoga and a run and some work at my desk…

1:55 pm: I feel awesome! This is a piece of cake!

2:10 pm: Imma take a naaaaappp…zzzzzzzzzzz

5:24 pm: I feel a little fuzzy, but maybe I can make it through the day without the EMERGENCY SODA.

6:02 pm: I scream at the dog for a minor infraction. I decide to have that emergency soda.

6:04 pm: I FEEL SO GOOD!!!!!1!!

7:30 pm: I want to go to bed.

*****

Tuesday 7:09 am: Water is stupid. I hate water. Advil on the other hand…

7:45 am: I am sad. The novelty of this whole thing is wearing off.

10:59 am: I realize after spending the morning volunteering at Quinn’s school that soda was like a nice little treat that I would give myself after completing something—like volunteering at Quinn’s school. WHERE IS MY GODDAMN TREAT?! I sadly drink…wait for it…more fucking water.

11:55 am: I retire to my bed in depression and take a ridiculously long nap.

3:12 pm: I decide to drink my EMERGENCY SODA to prevent me from shrieking at my children for existing.

9:43 pm: I feel kinda…tingly.

*****

Wednesday 8:22 am: I’m figuring out that the very first thing in the morning is the hardest for me. I miss my morning soda. Water just doesn’t have the same kick. And carbonated water is the most disgusting thing on earth, so I can’t even substitute with that. This is the worst thing that ever happened to me.

1:33 pm: I am sitting at my desk thinking, “I feel great! I am not even tired at all. I am going to come through this with flying colors. A++++++!!!” Then I remember that I just drank my EMERGENCY SODA at 1:00. Oh. Right.

1:48 pm: I am starting to feel extremely virtuous for drinking so much water.

1:49 pm: I get tired of taking obsessive notes on my state of mind. I decide to declare success for quitting soda even though I haven’t actually technically quit anything.

*****

And there you have it. I win life.

*****
*****

If you want to read something else I’m great at, I wrote about 10 Things Parents Know (That Kids Don’t Want to Hear) over at White Knuckle Parenting this week. My kids may not agree that I am great at knowing things.

Where I’ve Been and What Makes Me Happy

Posted on by
25

Hello, friends. I’ve been feeling a little down lately, which is one of the reasons I haven’t been writing very much here. I have lots of stuff swirling through my head that I can’t get out on paper (or blog) and it just keeps swirling. Things have been feeling kind of overwhelming. Also I’ve been trying to figure out my endgame, meaning if I want to write a book, I have to just write the damn book.

Mostly though, I just want to take naps. No one needs anything from me in my naps.

I also like running. Running has been making me happy. The problem is that it is really, really cold these days and it makes me not want to go outside. Also I have a really painful blister right now.

I know. My life. TRAGIC.

The things that make me not depressed though, are my kids. Today (yesterday by now?) was President’s Day, so my kids didn’t have school. Naturally this meant that I scheduled them all for dentist appointments.

I am the meanest mom in the world.

Fortunately, dentists nowadays are kind of awesome for my kiddos. Three kids, two dentists in two different states, dozens of teeth, and not a single cavity! Hooray!

Jack’s appointment was first. His dentist office always amuses me. Sam and Quinn are always excited to go because they have air hockey and movies in the waiting room. Jack is also happy to go because they let him choose from their giant selection of movies while he has his teeth worked on. He chooses Bolt every single time. It is hysterical. He has seen the first half hour of that movie a million times now.

So much better than back when the dentist was such a horror show for the poor kid.

So much better than back when the dentist was such a horror show for the poor kid.

We actually have that movie on DVD. Maybe I’ll show him the end of it some day. (He has actually seen the end before.)

After Jack’s appointment, we headed home for a while before we went to dentist #2, who told us that Sam needs to go to an orthodontist. NOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Maybe the best part of my day though, was listening to Quinn talk to the dentist and the hygienist. That kid is funnier than anyone I know and so casually in love with himself. (Sometimes he’ll just wander around saying, “I’m great! I’m awesome! I’m great!” No self-esteem issues there.)

The hygienist asked how old he was and Quinn started reciting facts: “I am in second grade. I am seven years old. I am awesome.”

That kid. I have to get some of what he has. But until he tells me his secret, I’ll just hang out near him and his brothers and hope that some of their awesomeness rubs off on me.

I actually feel kind of better just putting that little bit out on the page. Huh. Maybe writing really IS therapeutic.

How Not To Fix a Blog

Posted on by
9

Can we all discuss me and one of my character flaws for a minute?

If, at this point, you have started compiling a long mental list and are trying to figure out which one of those character flaws I am finally going to meet head on, well, you can go to hell. If you can’t come up with a character flaw at all, well, welcome to Stimeyland; this must be your first time here.

The character flaw we are going to discuss today is my tendency to be an overconfident moron and jump in feet first to do things that I have no idea how to do. Eventually I fuck things up SO badly that I have to learn how to do it in my own little haphazard Stimey way and then I know how to do just that exact thing, but it gives me the confidence to jump feet first into the next thing, which I eventually fuck up terribly.

Repeat.

The newest example of me doing this began in September when I freaked out one day and decided to change all my blog service providers and then migrate my blog from Blogger to WordPress all in one weekend all by myself. I was all, “How hard could it be? They have procedures all set up and buttons to click to make this happen. I can totally do it.”

Here is what I remember from that whole procedure: I entered my credit card number at a few places, clicked some of those buttons, felt okay about things for a while, started to panic, did some yelling at Alex to “fixitfixitfixitFIXITFIXITFIIIIIIIXXXXIIIIIIIITTTTT!, calmed down, asked everyone I knew for advice, figured out how to fix it, panicked some more, calmed down, and eventually got everything put in enough of an order that people could read my blog again.

I was going to write a post back then about How to Migrate Your Blog From Blogger to WordPress With No Experience and Even Fewer Smarts, but I didn’t get around to it right away and think I blocked the whole thing out because I only have vague memories of what happened and when I looked back through the screenshots I took during that arduous time, this is all I found:

I saw this a lot.

Oh how I hate that sad, disintegrating robot.

I managed, however, to bring my blog to a readable form and even though it isn’t how I want it yet and I have a WHOLE LIST of things I have to do to make it the way I want it, I refuse to hire a designer because I am (a) cheap and (b) irrationally certain I can do this myself.

My next step is to find the right theme for my blog. I currently am using a free one. I am ready to move into a paid theme and maybe a child theme or a skin or whatever terrible Silence of the Lamb-y thing they call it. To do this, you should pay money to a designer, then they will click “install,” and everything is happy and you get to go on your merry, well designed way.

OR.

Or, you pay money to a designer, click “install,” and then lose ALL access to your blog, dashboard panel, and everything. That is how I do things. I didn’t even know which entity that had my credit card number that I should panic to. (Answer: your host—you panic to your host. Then, after your host tells you that they can’t figure out the problem and the “higher-level tech” they checked with can’t figure out the problem and they tell you that they’ll have to email you with the solution later, you panic to your friends.)

I did that last weekend.

Well, what I did was spend a whole day to make my blog even worse than it was before. But at least I eliminated one option of a theme that COMPLETELY didn’t work for me. I know because the exact same thing happened to me twice, even after I followed specific instructions on how to not let the same thing happen a second time. I did learn that the good people behind Genesis are really fast with their customer service. If I had managed to install their theme, I think I would have been very happy with them.

I’m thinking of trying Thesis next, but I am interested in crowd sourcing this as well. Thoughts? Also, I know now that I should disable all my plugins before I install a theme, but I wonder if there are other “everyone knows you’re supposed to do that” things I should do before I click “install” on my next choice.

Seriously, people, I’m desperate. What is something easy to tinker with but awesome and highly customizable? Maybe thoughts on some must-have plugins? Also, I know html, but I don’t know CSS. AND, if you say, “Hire a designer,” you kill a puppy.

Project Stimey Update #1

Posted on by
14

project stimey updatesHello! We are one week into Project Stimey, so I thought I’d let you know how it’s going, as I plan to do occasionally. I promise not to do it every week. I have even created a new page all about Project Stimey that you can get to from the navigation bar under my pontificating gerbil.

The only thing it will have that isn’t posted here on Stimeyland will be a page of my running stats. I’m posting those more to keep me accountable to myself and to keep track of how much I’m running.

See, I didn’t run much at all in November and December and I don’t want that to happen again. Especially now that I’ve publicly declared this the year of fitness and my friends want to do things like go running with me.

One of those friends suggested we “knock out a quick 5-mile run in an hour” this coming Thursday and I was all, “Ha, ha, ha, ha, you must have me confused with someone who runs a 12-minute mile.” I hope to be even faster than that by September, when I run my relay, but I’m sure not there yet. I’ll tell you how embarrassing it all ended up afterward. Maybe I can livetweet it:

“She’s three blocks ahead of me now. #projectstimey #needtotrain”

“I’m pretty sure I’ll catch up to her in a mile or so. #projectstimey #shehastoslowdownsometime”

“She’s a dot on the horizon. #projectstimey #iamallalone”

“It’s dark now and I don’t know where I am. I’ve been abandoned. #projectstimey #sendhelp”

Over the weekend, I was planning on going out with another friend, with whom I usually go out to dinner and drinks, but this time she was all, “Hey, how about we do something fitness oriented?” and she made me go on a hike with her instead. And every time there was a fork in the trail, she chose the uphill trail. And THEN, she told me, “You’re going to be racing in New Hampshire; you have to train on hills,” and then I cried a little bit.

I think I’ve made a huge mistake.

But I’m not giving up. Onward.

Project Stimey STATS!

Posted on by
9

project stimey stats

 

STIMEY’S 2013 DISTANCE LOG!

Date Distance Time Pace
 JANUARY
F 1/4/13 2.40 miles 32:14 13:26 min/mi
Sa 1/5/13 2.23 miles 31:23 14:05 min/mi
Su 1/6/13 1.56 miles 19:51 12:42 min/mi(+ hike)
M 1/7/13 REST DAY
Tu 1/8/13 2.70 miles 40:00 C210K W1D1
 W 1/9/13  SICK DAY
 Th 1/10/13  SICK DAY
 F 1/11/13  1.97 miles  40:00  treadmill walk
 Sa 1/12/13  2.25  40:00  treadmill walk
 Su 1/13/13  FAILURE DAY  :(
 M 1/14/13  2.29  30:17  13:13 min/mi(+ yoga)
 Tu 1/15/13  2.07 miles  28:59  C210K W1D2
 W 1/16/13  REST DAY
 Th 1/17/13  4.65 miles  1:05:30  14:05 min/mi
 F 1/18/13  3.98 miles  58:39  14:43 min/mi
 Sa 1/19/13  2.35 miles  29:56  12:45 min/mi
 Su 1/20/13  2.58 miles  35:32  13:50 min/mi
 M 1/21/13  REST DAY
 Tu 1/22/13  REST DAY
 W 1/23/13  4.86 miles  1:10:14  14:27 min/mi
 Th 1/24/13  2.95 miles  41:26  14:02 min/mi
 F 1/25/13  2.53 miles  40:13  C210K W1D3
 Sa 1/26/13  REST DAY
 Su 1/27/13  2.50 miles 40:42  treadmill
 M 1/28/13  2.79 miles  45:00  C210K W2D1
 Tu 1/29/13  1.43 miles  17:20  12:06 min/mi
 Tu 1/29/13  1.31 miles  18:10  13:53 min/mi
 W 1/30/13  1.99 miles  26:11  13:10 min/mi
 Th 1/31/13  5.55 miles  1:16:51  13:51 min/mi
January Totals  56.90 miles  13:48:28
 FEBRUARY
 F 2/1/13  REST DAY
 Sa 2/2/13  REST DAY
 Su 2/3/13  7.02 miles  1:36:18  13:42 min/mi
 M 2/4/13  2.19 miles  28:12  12:53 min/mi (+ yoga)
 Tu 2/5/13  REST DAY
 W 2/6/13  5.29 miles  1:07:53  12:49 min/mi
 Th 2/7/13  WALK DAY
 F 2/8/13  TIRED DAY
 Sa 2/9/13  NAP DAY
 Su 2/10/13  5K RACE  40:02  13:05 min/mi
 M 2/11/13  SICK DAY
 Tu 2/12/13  UGH.  SHUT UP.  I KNOW!
 W 2/13/13  3.92 miles 52:54  13:28 min/mi
 Th 2/14/13  2.00 miles  31.00  stroll on the treadmill
 F 2/15/13  2.60 miles  36.02  13:52 min/mi (+ 3mi walk)
 Sa 2/16/13 6.55 miles  1:29:23 13:38 min/mi
 Su 2/17/13  WALK DAY
 M 2/18/13  REST DAY
 TU 2/19/13  REST DAY
 W 2/20/13  6.76 miles 1:37:24 14:25 min/mi
 Th 2/21/13 REST DAY
 F 2/22/13  REST DAY
 Sa 2/23/13  REST DAY
 Su 2/24/13  REST DAY
 M 2/25/13  2.44 miles 31:16 12:49 min/mi (+ yoga)
 Tu 2/26/13  DETOX DAY
 W 2/27/13  DETOX DAY
 Th 2/28/13  5ish miles  1+ hour  GPS error
February Totals 46.78 miles 8:30:24
 MARCH
 F 3/1/13  4.74 miles  1:01:57  13.05 min/mi
 Sa 3/2/13  NO SIR.
 Su 3/3/13  NOT TODAY.
 M 3/4/13  TOMORROW?  yoga
 Tu 3/5/13  NOPE.
 W 3/6/13 SNOW DAY!
 Th 3/7/13  3ish km  25ish min?  stupid GPS
 W 3/13/13  4.83 miles  1:10:09  14:30 min/mi (+3mi walk)
 March in general  SLOTH
 Th 3/21/13 2.11 miles 27:51 13:10 min/mi (+ strength training)
 F 3/22/13 2.14 miles 28:43 13:27 min/mi (+ strength training)
 Sa 3/23/13 2.6 miles 35:36 13:41 min/mi
 Sa 3/30/13 1.6 miles  20 + min 14 something min/mi
 March Totals  20.02 miles  4:29:16
 APRIL
 W 4/10/13 1.75 miles 24:15 13:50 min/mi
 Th 4/11/13 2.08 miles 32:10 15:27 min/mi
 F 4/12/13 3.18 miles 41:55 13:11 min/mi
 Sa 4/13/13 3.54 miles 48:05 13:35 min/mi
 Su 4/14/13 6.79 miles 1:39:58 14:44 min/mi
Tu 4/16/13 5.94 miles 1:23:42 14:05 min/mi
W 4/24/13 5 miles 1:06:30 13:18 min/mi
Th 4/25/13 2.21 miles 29:08 13:10 min/mi
Sa 4/27/13 4.1 miles 51:25 12:32 min/mi
Sa 4/27/13 2.41 miles 31:07 C25K W1D1
9:49 min/mi run
14:32 min/mi walk
Su 4/28/13 1.21 miles 15:19 12:40 min/mi
M 4/29/13 2.19 miles 31:01 C25K W1D2
10:03 min/mi run
16:54 min/mi walk
April Totals 40.40 miles 9:14:35
 MAY
W 5/1/13 5.00 miles 1:06:06 13:13 min/mi
Th 5/2/13 5.08 miles 1:06:28 13:05 min/mi
plus 3.38-mile walk
F 5/3/13 1.99 miles 24:27 12:16 min/mi
Sa 5/4/13 2.43 miles 31:00 C25K W1D3
9:25 min/mi run
14:56 min/mi walk
Su 5/5/13 ~1.5 mile ~20:00
W 5/8/13 5 miles 1:04:47 12:57 min/mi
+ 3.41 mile walk
Th 5/9/13 5 miles 1:06:30 13:18 min/mi
W 5/15/13 2.05 miles 25:38 12:29 min/mi
Th 5/16/13 5.93 miles 1:19:19 13:22 min/mi
Sa 5/18/13 5.16 miles 1:01:45 11:58 min/mi
Su 5/19/13 3.05 miles 38:08 12:30 min/mi
 May Totals  41.69 miles 9:04:08
TOTALS: 206.76 miles 47:06:51

Run Notes:

May 18: I would like you to look at that pace. I felt so awesome about that race.

May 5: Shitty day, shitty run.

May 3: Today someone was telling me about someone he used to run with who ran really slow—like 12 minute miles—when she was pregnant. I cried a little inside and then I went outside and ran two very fast (for me) miles. I will take inspiration everywhere I can get it.

April 29: I managed to talk Alex into going running with me. I’m starting him on the couch to 5K program. It’s actually working out really nicely because he runs waaaaay faster than me, so while he’s working on increasing his endurance, I’m working on increasing my speed. Win-win!

April 27: This was a weird run. I got lost and had to slow down and even stop a little bit to look at my phone for a map. I stopped my GPS a couple times when I did this. I actually went 5 miles in an hour and ten minutes or so with a 14:05 min/mi average. When I ran, I must have been going faster than I thought.

April 14: It felt great to do a long run. It gave me a lot of time to be mad at hills.

April 13: In addition to this run, I jogged a half mile or so with Sam and Quinn. It was extremely demoralizing when they jogged backwards in their Crocs and still ran faster than me. I hate kids.

April 12: I didn’t have a chance to run while my kids were at school, so I made them hang out at a track while I ran around and around in circles. In related news, circles are boring.

April 11: I ran in circles on grass at Sam’s soccer practice, while also watching my kiddos. Hence the super slow pace. But at least I was out there. Bonus: I didn’t twist an ankle on the field.

April 10: 90 godsdamn degrees. First run in a long time. But it felt soooo good.

Project Stimey

Posted on by
48

First of all, Happy New Year! Let’s pretend that I took this Times Square photo on New Year’s Eve, instead of on December 30.

The ball wasn't even up there yet.

The ball wasn’t even up there yet.

But seriously, can you imagine me in Times Square on New Year’s Eve? I think we can all agree that it is best that I stayed away.

Now that we have that over with, let’s move on to New Year’s Day and the topic of resolutions.

I alternate between being the person who is all, “Resolutions are stupid,” and being the person who makes 15 resolutions and then doesn’t achieve any of them. Maybe that’s why I think they’re stupid.

This year I am firmly in the resolutions camp. But I am making it simple. My goal this year is to improve my overall physical health. By the end of 2013, I want to weigh less, I want to be fitter, I want to be a water drinker instead of a soda drinker, and I want to be altogether more awesome.

How hard could that be?

I feel like I have a good start, because I’m already running, which is great, but I have to work on my diet and sleep schedule as well.

Helping me in this is that I have committed to running Reach the Beach Relay in September. It is a 12-person, 200-mile relay race in New Hampshire. I figure that training for that will move me a long way toward my goals. My team (Team Mid-life Crisis, or Team MLC for short) doesn’t have all its members yet. If you are interested in joining us, let me know. You should be someone I know if you are interested, because although I’m okay with being flaked on/murdered in the pace vehicle, my real-life friends who I’m running with probably aren’t. But I’m serious. Let me know if you’re interested.

It’s hard to commit to something like weight loss publicly, because if you fail, then you’re kind of a double loser. But I’m determined to do it. I am looking at this a little bit less as a resolution and more of a project. Project Stimey. Yeah. Let’s call it that. ‘Cause I’m egocentric and all. That’ll be for next year. Making my head smaller.

Next January I’ll post my after picture. Today I’m going to post my before picture. It was surprisingly hard to find a full-body photograph of me, so I’m going to have to give you this one from the end of October at my zombie race. It is a pretty good representation of me today though, plus maybe a few pie-related holiday pounds.

I hope to be fitter in my after picture. Also cleaner.

Jean, (Before) Before

Stimey, (Before) Before

Wish me not luck, but determination.

What is your resolution this year?

*****

2013

Check out my list of 2012 Parenting Awards over at White Knuckle Parenting. I won all of them.

 

 

I Hate New Year’s Eve

Posted on by
18

I feel like I should write something for New Year’s Eve because everyone is all over Facebook and stuff being all, “Grateful for family and friends! I hope 2013 is awesome for everyone!” and I’m like, “That is nice and all, but I just really need this night to be over so everyone can just chill the fuck out and stop being loud and obnoxious.”

See, I’m in New York, which is maybe the dumbest place to spend New Year’s Eve if you hate people and hate noise because you have to accept that people are going to be loud and you’re the asshole if you call the front desk over and over to complain about noise on the biggest party night of the year. Even I get that.

Alex is at a concert and I am tapping my foot impatiently waiting for the movie my kids are watching on TV to be over so I can make them go to bed and I can put on headphones and a movie and block out all the noise of younger, more fun people.

I figure that I’ll at least have a few hours of quiet when everyone is out partying, right?

New York is nice and all, but I don’t know how people live here. I would be the biggest ball of stress you ever saw. We’ve had a really fun vacation, but I am rapidly losing my ability to cope. I can’t wait to be back in my house, where I control who shares walls with me and the most obnoxious thing I have to contend with is Alex’s continued insistence on breathing when he sleeps.

Have a wonderful New Year! I am very grateful for all of my friends and family and I hope that 2013 is the best year yet for all of you.

But, fuck, let’s just get this night over with, okay?