Monday, September 15, 2008

Things Are Getting Tense Around My House (UPDATED!)

Alex has been getting a lot of mail from John McCain lately. Like, a lot. Like, a letter every other day. I mean, it makes sense and all, what with Alex being a *cough*Republican*cough*, but it still pisses me off.

Note: If you are a Republican, please don't take this post the wrong way. I still respect you. I just won't talk to you the day after the election if John McCain wins. And probably the day after that. Maybe we'll chat over the weekend. We can still be friends. After all, I married a Republican and we're friends. Most of the time.

I'm not quite sure why they are sending him so much mail. It's not like he's a contributor. We realized that we would just cancel each other out by donating money, and it's cheaper if we choose to cancel each other out by not donating money. So we have a strict non-donation policy.

I'm fine with the McCain campaign wasting their money by sending mail to Alex, but it doesn't mean I can't still have a little fun with the situation.

I always get the mail before Alex gets home, so I've taken to vandalizing the McCain envelopes. This is what I did to today's mail:

felony schmelony

But the problem is, no matter how good a classic such as "BOOOOO!!!!" or "HIIIISSSSS!!!" is, I'm running out of fresh insults to put on the envelopes.

Pretty soon I'm going to have to stoop to flat-out threats. And no one wants that.

So, any suggestions for my future graffiti?

UPDATED 9/21/08 TO ADD: I took several of your suggestions when the next McCain propaganda hit the mailbox. I was not patient enough to take one woman's suggestion that I save up the envelopes and give them all to Alex at one time, calling it a surge.

I ended up with this:

Even better though, was the gem inside the envelope:



  1. Um, how 'bout "geezer" for McLame. A few other things which come to mind: out of touch, Bush-wannabe, elitist...I mean I could come up with some pretty bad ones but they might not be family-friendly.

    Ooh, how 'bout "Pit Bull Trainer" --ok, lame. sorry. 'fraid you're on your own.

  2. I say make fun of his jowls. Yeah, I got nothin' put petty insults. *shrug* Maybe glue some cartoons/pictures on there?

  3. I'm in the same boat with you...Conrad is still semi-undecided, but he definitely leans Republican, to my great dismay. Although thankfully we aren't getting the mail. I would probably just put it all in the kindling pile by the fireplace.

  4. We have a trashcan on the porch. The junk mail never makes it into the house.

  5. I'll be siding with Alex on this one. Would you expect any less?


  6. Absolutely -


  7. I have a few ideas...but then you'd have to hide the mail from the kids.

  8. how good of an artist are you? bedcause it always bothers me the way mccain's skin flaps come over top of the collars of his shirts, and I imagine that he can puff those skin flaps out, like a cobra. so i'm envisioning mccain's face on a cobra. he is a snake, after all.

    for the record, my grandma died when she ws 72. that makes me nervous.

  9. Oh wow. I freaked out when a neighbor had a McCain/Palin sign out. Not sure how I would handle an intrusion into my home. Ugh. Good luck with the next few weeks.

  10. Tear off a corner and label it 'pit bull attack'. Put lipstick near the frayed edges.

    I have managed to basically convert DH, thank God. It never occurred to me that he was registered a Rep when we started dating, because he didn't seem like one. That was numero uno on the 'fix it' list. Phew.

    I am disheartened by McCain. He seemed like such a decent guy, but he's such a sell-out. VERY disappointing. I wouldn't have voted for him, anyway, but at least a few months ago I thought I could live with it if he won. Now, I will rip my hair out.

  11. I can't figure out the right way to say this but something along the lines of the NEW McCain/Palin economic plan -- Federal Deficit Pyramid -- gaining solvency by finding 6 inefficiencies a day -- $400 billion to go

  12. You just about made me wet myself.

    That is really freaking funny!


  13. I think that "Inventor of the BlackBerry" would be very appropriate for today's mail.

  14. "This envelope delivered by U.S. mail because I don't know how to use the internet."

    It's funny because it's true!

  15. I like using the words like fascist, xenophobe, warmonger...

    Just me?

  16. Oooh, I can think of a LOT of things to say. Unfortunately, they're not compatible with posting on the family refrigerator (or to be left on the kitchen counter.) Sigh. My 6-year-old son suggests that you try "John McCain Loves War." Not as succinct as what I was thinkin', but it's a (clean) start.


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