Sunday, December 14, 2008


If you follow me on Twitter, you've been subject to my boasts about being done with my Christmas shopping and Christmas cards and whatnot. I will now subject those of you who don't follow me on Twitter to the same boasts.

Mostly we crammed all of our Christmas traditions (except Christmas itself) into one day—Saturday.

See how Team Stimey does the Saturday before the Saturday before Christmas:

1. The annual gluing on of the antler that snaps off of our moose-drawn sleigh every single goddamn year. Check.

2. The annual mailing of the Christmas cards. And since I'm here, the ritual mailing of the Netflix. Check. And check.

3. The craft fair at the high school where we end up covered in glue and glitter. Check.

4. The making of the graham cracker gingerbread houses at the craft fair. (Followed by the eating of the graham cracker gingerbread houses.) Check. And check.

5. The attempt to get a cute photograph of an uncooperative toddler. Check.

Click on the image to get the full effect.

6. The traditional Team Stimey "out in public" behavior. (Can you find two people running in a room of otherwise walking people?) Check.

7. The lunch in the food court at the mall. Followed by the trip to the Family Restroom and Quinn's discovery of "a little room for me!" Check. Check.

8. The visit to see Santa. Check.

9. The trip to the Christmas tree lot. Check.

10. The annual paranoia that someone... going to walk into the fire or the chainsaw. Check.

11. The annual tormenting of the dog, who is wondering why the fuck we moved the rocking chair she usually sits behind and put—of all things—a TREE in the middle of the room.

12. The annual freakout over why the string of lights that worked 15 minutes ago before we put it on the tree suddenly doesn't work. Also, the annual failure to truly capture the rage on Alex's face. Check. Check.

13. The annual popping of the bubble wrap. Check.

14. The annual we-got-bored-of-decorating-the-tree-after-four-minutes-and -two-broken-ornaments-so-we're-going-to-go-play-Battleship. Check. Lazy bastards.

15. The annual hoisting of the child and pretending that he is putting the star on the tree. Check.

16. The annual joy and pride in a job well done. Check.

Christmas? Bring. It. On.


  1. That was one helicopter of a day! My family would NEVER NEVER have cooperated and I would have been in tears. Honestly. We didn't even make it to the craft fair.

  2. I'm exhausted reading this. And even the Christmas cards are mailed? Dude, I kinda don't like you a little right now. ;)

  3. Non-working fireplace? I hope?

  4. you are kicking Christmas' ASS.

  5. You've no idea how similar our Christmas prep is - down to the same star on the tree. Oh and the same Mall and family rest room (I bet he was watching the cartoons!). We stick an armadillo's tail back on though.

  6. Wow. That wore me out just reading and thinking of the energy it took to do all that in one day!!

    We (like so many other folks) have that car carpet in the photo of battleship. Did I ever tell you how Adam used it to unstress over life?

  7. Anonymous: Working fireplace, but we don't use it.

    The Lowe: I love that you have the same traditions/places, especially that you have a kinda weird decoration that you have to fix.

    mylifeasitis: What did Adam do with the carpet to unstress?

  8. Damn, you're on a roll! Time for some hot buttered rum or something under that tree.

    I was feeling smug about getting the tree decorated before lunch yesterday. Then my husband kindly attempted to clean up some fallen needles, and sucked the string of lights on the carpet (leading to the outlet) into the vacuum.

    Not recommended.

  9. It kills me that you got a picture of you mailing your Netflix. And it reminds me that I need to mail mine.

  10. Glitter in anyone else's house is the bomb. Popping bubble wrap is the most awesome.

    I bow down before you, you organized Christmas queen.

  11. Did you discover the 30-hour day? It doesn't seem humanly possible to complete all of those tasks in one day . . . Props to you!

  12. Wow--my kids would only get through half of that day. Looks like fun, though.

  13. You have achieved Victory!

    great job- we're still getting ready for 2 different birthday parties at our home on thursday -

  14. Wow! Kudos to you for cramming it all in. No way I could ever do that. I still haven't done my cards.
    You are making me feel very guilty over that fact....

  15. I'm totally impressed with your Christmas skills. We would have made it as far as Santa, then had to go home with two crying girls.

    But you've reminded me I really need to get my ass in gear to finish Christmas prep.

  16. Definitely could not have accomplished all of that in one day! Although - I AM done with my Christmas shopping, all the way down to the stockings. Yay!

  17. Whoa. I need a drink! I'm EXHAUSTED! (WTG!, Team Stimey!)

  18. Whew! Way to do it up. I'm lagging a bit behind...

  19. Annual wrapping of Christmas gifts while drinking? Check? Check??

    RC has that same PRESCHOOL shirt, like John Belushi's COLLEGE shirt in Animal House.

  20. I just finished addressing 75 x-mas cards last night. I tried adding individual letters in each one....that lasted for only three cards. Then I gave up.


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