Monday, December 28, 2009

I Think the Gerbils Are Pissed at Me

But first, this:

That there is gerbil photography at its finest. Or its Stimeyest. Whichever.

So, Heather, you should stop reading now. Your gerbils are fine and all, and Alex is being disciplined, but the following images may be disturbing to you.

Is she gone?

Okay, good.

I have strict rules against picking up the gerbils, but I'm not against petting them now and again. I do try to limit petting to short sessions and only one child at a time because I'm terrified of scaring them (the gerbils, not the children) into heart attacks, and I don't want to have to explain that to the gerbils' mom, Heather.

She's standing right behind me isn't she?


Anyway, I'm very caring to the gerbils and very concerned about their heart health, so don't think I condoned what happened shortly after this morning's gerbil feeding/paper towel tube giving/short petting session.

It all started after Sam petted a gerbil and then Jack wanted to and Alex said, "But his arms are too short." (They aren't, by the way.)

Hmmm...I wonder what Jack is so happy about here:

Maybe it's the same un-condoned activity that is happening here:

And don't for one second think that my paparazzi-like behavior implies approval of Alex's actions. Because it doesn't. Between shots I did a lot of jumping up and down and yelling, "Put him back, RIGHT NOW!!" Which, now that I come to think of it, was probably not very calming for the gerbils and their pea-sized hearts.

I'm guessing you all fall into two—no three—camps on this. Camp 1: No big deal. I'd take my gerbils out of their biosphere all the time. Camp 2: This is shockingly inappropriate treatment of gerbils. Camp 3: Heather.

Next—an elaboration of the situation:

A) Super fast, squirmy rodent. Think of his little heart and its tiny arrythmia.

B) I'd just like to take this opportunity to point out that THIS IS NOT ME.

C) Joyous, but careless child, who is not even looking at the damn gerbil.

D) Predator.

E) Safety.

And now a completely discombobulated gerbil.

Gerbil says, "You guys are assholes."

You can come back now, Heather. I'm thinking about torturing the tadpoles next, so you can stick around for that.


  1. OMG. I about had a heart attack when I saw the cat. I thought for sure poor Heather's gerbil was toast. Or kitty chow. Ahem.

    Bad, Alex! BAAAAAD Alex! Frankly, I think this is Alex's passive-aggressive response to the whole "Do cats have arms?" issue from last year. Sore feelings and all that. (TOTALLY KIDDING!)

  2. That's actually the dog, not a cat. But the same arm/leg argument applies.

    HOWEVER! The "Do Gerbils Have Arms?" has a totally different answer. Because, yes. Yes, they do.

  3. Aw, crap. See? I should NOT be online under the influence of cold meds! I swear, I thought it was a cat. Ok, I'm stepping awaaaay from the computer now...

  4. *snort*
    There's a reason there are no gerbils in this house. At least 8 reasons now and counting.

  5. Gerbils are pretty tough. Also, they look VERY similar to other gerbils.

    I'm just saying.

  6. We had a mouse when I was a kid. He was wonderful. He lived in a terrarium and teased the cat. Mom left him in there except once a week when she cleaned the terrarium. Then she let it crawl on her arm while she cleaned, and petted him. He liked being scritched just behind his ears.

    Small rodents rock.

  7. You are too twisted for color TV.


  8. Stimey, you are so right to care about the gerbils' safety! I love that the gerbil has a wooden structure to hide in and to chew upon.

    We had two gerbils when I was a child. They were officially 'mine' ('cause I asked for them.) We did take them out of their Habitat environment (TM?) occasionally, though I believe this was mainly to assist us in cleaning their environment.

    I didn't like to pick them up, because for some reason, you are supposed to pick them up by the tail! Perhaps, to prevent nipping? I just thought I would drop them.

    OK, done now. :)

  9. Oh. My. Gosh. You need to bring the troops over here for a fun afternoon of play with Golden and Guinea. Seriously.

  10. Also, imo, gerbils have two hands (on very short arms) and two feet (on short, but sturdy, legs), while dogs have four legs.

    I have no opinion wrt cats.

  11. I personally love how the gerbil is glaring at you at the end... It's not like it was your fault or anything. I'd be careful that the cage is locked tonight though...

  12. I'm just laughing. Out loud. Still, even after reading all the comments. Too funny!

    By the way - how do you feel about manhandling some old frogs?

  13. We don't have gerbils in Australia. Probably cause we already have enough rats... but I am SHOCKED, CAPITALISATION SHOCKED at how little they are.

  14. LOVE that post. Those gerbils are just irristible. LOL

    We found one of ours running around Drew's room and none of us had been in there or touched them. There is a hole in the top of our tank for putting food and and stuff. We're wondering if one of the cats pulled him out since they like to lie up there and stick their paw all the way down. LOL

  15. In Alex's defense, if he needs one, I think gerbils like being outside their habitat. Maybe not these gerbils? YM

  16. WHen you eventually put them back, did they start frantically licking themselves? THats how ours always were... like, "OMG now I have to completely disinfect myself!"

  17. Don't worry. If you give them a snack, they won't hold a grudge against you. They didn't seem too bulgy eyed from the photos--therefore not too stressed:) I love HereWeGoAJen's comment.

  18. A fine piece of gerbilography!

  19. The gerbils' mom here. I don't mind that you removed Noki from the cage. Don't worry about their little hearts. They get picked up and petted at home. HOWEVER, maybe next time you could remove Cassidy The Predator from the immediate vicinity.

    Can you imagine the chaos that would have ensued if Noki had gotten away from Alex?!! That would have been a damn fine Stimeyland post. I would almost be willing to sacrifice one gerbil (probably Robert) just to read it.


Thanks for commenting! May you be visited by unicorns and kittens.