Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The Nurse Asked if Jack Had Been Sick in the Past Two Weeks and I Had to Tell Him That He'd Thrown Up in the Parking Lot.

Yesterday Jack and I headed up to Kennedy Kreiger to see a developmental pediatrician. Jack hasn't had a thorough evaluation for a couple years, so we want to see where he is now and get some Jack-specific treatment recommendations, and this was our first step down that road.

The doctor was fantastic. She was attentive and thorough. I think this is going to be a really good thing for Jack. I mean, she even noticed that he has a flat head that dates back to his baby days. NO ONE notices that. I'm not entirely sure that Alex has noticed that.

Unfortunately Kennedy Kreiger is an hour away from us and our appointment was at 9 a.m. And because someone had neglected to email my intake forms to me, I was not entirely sure that we would have an appointment or be in the right place when we got there. So we left a little early, like 7:30.

And here's the thing about Jack and early-morning car rides. If you put that poor kid in a car before 8 a.m., he's gonna puke. Something about morning rides makes him car sick. I gotta give him props though, because he made it all the way to the Kennedy Kreiger parking lot and waited until after I stopped the car before he threw up.

Poor guy. His sad little entreaties of, "Hurry! Hurry! Are we there?" were pitiful. And I don't think it helped that I passed the entrance and then had to pull a 3-way U-turn to get back. Come to think of it, that might be what sent him over the edge.

I wasn't sure exactly which of the buildings I should park in front of, but chose the nearest one and the one that said "AUTISM" in biggest letters on the front. After puking and clean up, we went inside and, happily, we'd chosen wisely.

Everything went smoothly inside the building save Alex's weird near-constant calling of my cell phone. I think he called four times in the two hours we were there. I ignored the "brrrrzzzz...brrrrrzzzzz...brrrrrzzzz" of the phone over and over until the doctor went to make some photocopies. Then I called Alex back to see which one of our two remaining kids had broken something.

"Hi! Are you done?" he cheerfully asked when he answered the phone. See, I'd told him it was a 90-minute appointment (which they'd told me), so he called at, oh, say, 10:31. And 10:45. And 11 o'clock.

After shaking him off, I continued with our appointment. Jack was a rock star. He did great.

After we left, I stopped at a gas station where the candy bars were behind bullet proof glass and you had to ask the cashier to get you your bottle of water and pass it through the security window. And then MapQuest sent us directly into what—based on the number of broken windows and boarded up doors—I believe was a really bad section of Baltimore. It was as if I were driving through The Wire.

And then suddenly I was passing the Poe house and the Ravens' stadium and we were on the freeway on the way home, Jack happily snacking on graham crackers and highly secure water in the back seat...

...which he threw up onto my carpet seconds after walking into the house.

"You shouldn't have given me all those graham crackers," he told me reproachfully.

But ten minutes later all was well and everyone was happy playing hooky. Except Alex, who had to head off to work, and Sam, who had been sent to school at the regular time.

And, yes, I am aware that I've written a post about going to the developmental pediatrician without talking about the developmental pediatrician. I like to keep you on your toes like that.


  1. you are a sly one, Stimey. That's okay. I've come to the conclusion that developmental pedis are overrated.

  2. Gremlin has a flat head too. I think no one but me and the hairdresser actually notice it.

    I can only assume the actual appointment went well. Jack is a rock star.

  3. I think mapquest does that shit as a joke. Glad the appt. was good; sorry about the vomit.

  4. Best. Title. Ever.

    And, I hope it was a good appointment.

    You get some serious mommy gold medal award for all the puke you deal with!

  5. Hugs to you and Jack. You gotta love Baltimore, right Hon? lol

    I don't know if you are planning to reveal how Jack's appt went but I hope it went well.


  6. But at least the post included puke. Can you write a post about vomit that tells us about the developmental pediatrician?

  7. Pfft, we ALL know that the actual visit to the devped isn't what counts; it's the written report which follows...about 6 months later! ;-)

  8. Hint for Stimey's Santa - she seriously need a GPS! You have many years of driving kids around to hidden locations ahead of you

  9. Favorite parts: (1) title, (2) phone calls, (3) reproachfully.

  10. Okay, I totally appreciate The Wire reference buried in there. I hope you didn't run into Snoop or any of Marlo's other guys while stopping to get gas.

  11. There is entirely too much vomiting going on these days! I am boycotting vomiting!

  12. I love you for mentioning The Wire. I also love that I'm not the only one who has a husband who does the over-and-over-and-over phone calls for no reason. I also love Jack's flat head. I have a soft spot for flat headed little boys.

  13. Now I need to go back and look at Jack's head. Apparently flatness does not affect cuteness!

  14. I hate the suspense and I know exactly where mapquest sent you because it sends me through there too. I've never wished for GPS more... look forward to your follow-up post.


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