Saturday, June 18, 2011

Things Come Out of My Brain, Part III

It happens for real.

I thought I would round out the trilogy of spelling sentences that Jack has produced this year. You can pretty effectively gauge his feelings based on his school work. The kid doesn't hold anything back.

But before I get to that, I am going to share with you a few of the papers that came home in Jack's backpack because they amuse me oh so very much.

First, we have some of his likes and dislikes.

Likes: 1. Drawing; 2. Plants vs. Zombies; 3. Chocolate donuts
Dislikes: 1. I hate homework; 2. I can't swim before school; 3. I hate my sleeping drops.

I'm not even going to go into the fact that Jack thinks you spell "doughnuts" with three letters missing in the middle. He's eight, I'll forgive him that. I DO really enjoy that he makes it sound a whole lot like we roofie him every night before bed. Which we do not. We merely drug him with melatonin, which I have to say, he quite willingly opens his mouth for, thank you very much.

Next we have Jack's career worksheet. On the front, he was asked what job he would like when he grows up. Naturally, he said that he wants to be a video game maker because "I make plans on a piece of paper."

When asked to draw the clothes he would wear to such a job, he decided that he would clearly be wearing shorts and a tee-shirt and would carry a pen and blank piece of paper with him.

Evidently he'll be bald as well.

This kid has a harsh lesson to learn about the intricacies of computer coding.

And finally we have one of my favorites. If someone asked you to draw a castle, you'd probably draw a pretty palace with flags and princesses and maybe a unicorn standing out front on a rainbow, right? Not Jack.

"I'd throw prisoners into the dungeon. I wouldn't swim in the moat."

I'm actually a little surprised that he didn't draw sharks or piranhas in the moat. It looks like that kind of castle.

Now, on to the main point of this post, which was supposed to be Jack's spelling sentences. Jack's sentences are below, with the spelling word (or my best guest at which word is the spelling word) in bold, with any comments by me in italics afterward.

I am so, so sillier than Quinn.
I don't know, Jack. That's a pretty high bar.

Mount Everest is the highest mountain.
On this one, Jack wrote the letters in "highest" in really, really tall print.

Ice climbers need mittens to climb.
Especially on Everest.

Light something up would ya?
I have no idea what this means, but it makes me laugh.

Everything in my room is mine, get it? MINE!
Well, except for the stuff that is Quinn's because you share a room, Greedo.

In the movie "Cats & Dogs" kitty galore has a disk that said the call of the wild.
I'm a little horrified to admit that my kids saw that movie more than once.

If everyone will please quiet down, I won't pound you to pieces.
I like how he was able to make the spelling word "please" so offensive.

The wheel is a kind of simple machine.
Camp Stimey works, bitches.

I can blow out 3 bombs at a time.
Awesomely, "three" is the spelling word here. Look, ma, I can spell "three!" See: 3!

Without the moon, everything will fall out of balance.
Way to drop science, Jack the Science Guy.

Garfield said "the guy on the hook must be asleep."
What kind of scary ass Garfield are you reading, Jack?

The following trio came together on a spelling test, followed by the teacher comment, "Sounds like you don't want to be here":
I am sooooooo sick.
I am ill because I have a fever.
Will someone buy me some medicine?

I don't like beautiful people.
Harsh, dude.

I NEVER forgive.
Uh oh.

1,000 dollars is 100,000 pennies.
Hi there, Mr. Math!

Halves are things cut in 2, so if a half-minute is 30 seconds. It's true.
I'll forgive you an extra "if" because this is such an excellent sentence.

The x in a math problem is the unknown.
Now you're just showing off.

Be sure to precaution me once a week...or keep me safe.
Just once a week, buddy?

I disagree to kill my family.
Um. Yay. I think.

I am the smartest kid on earth!
Look away, folks. No hubris to see here.

I am the loudest in the world.
No, that would be Quinn.

Put me by the mailbox.
Jack's teacher wrote "Why?" after this sentence. I'm curious too.

Schools are dumb.
Jack's teacher  drew a little picture of her crying after this sentence. I laughed really hard.

Another series here. Jack is nothing if not a clever kid.
Can't I play now? —Jack
Jack won't do his homework. —Jean
Jean is right! I don't want to do my homework. —Jack
Jack didn't do his homework yet. —Jean

I want to go on vacation RIGHT NOW!
Jack's teacher: "You're not alone, my friend." I love that woman.

I got a trophy for hockey.
He really did.

One last series for you, just so you know that I'm not the only who brags ad nauseum about Jack, you should know that HE brags ad nauseum about himself too.
I did a magnificent job.
I'll describe why I did a magnificent job.
It was very complex.
If it was complex, I did terrific.

I want my mother to never leave me behind.
Oh, my heart.

"I...I WON!"
You always do, kiddo.

Thank you for indulging me there.

Lastly, I will give you Jack's expectations for summer. They sound pretty good to me. Also, I want to live in that house, which I think resides in some Dr. Seuss or Harry Potter universe.

"I dive in any water when I go to the beach. I go 'sploosh.'
I like to swim for an hour."

For more spelling sentence fun, please to enjoy Part I and Part II.

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