Sunday, June 28, 2015

Disaster Strikes! Rain/Snake Edition

I, sir, have had enough.

It all started about a week and a half ago with this:


It was a bad couple of hours.

I texted my friend, explained the situation, and said, "THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME," and she texted back to say, "I think this is the worst thing that has ever happened to anyone."

In his defense, Alex did come home before he had planned to so he could help me. This was fortunate considering where once there had been a window, there was now a gaping below-ground hole. Once he arrived home, he took over the wetvac job from me. He even duct taped the hole that the snake disappeared into.

See the ripped screen I jammed in the window hole to keep wildlife out?

But prior to his arrival home, I'd been wetvaccing like it was my job while ready to jump into defensive posture if I found a nest of snake babies that had gushed into the basement along with my window and a significant number of leaves, because, and let's be honest here, if anyone were to find a nest of snake babies in her house, it would be me.

I'm still not quite comfortable with the knowledge that they live just outside my home. Also, a tip: If you're afraid there might be a snake in your basement, don't Google "can snakes climb stairs?" because they can and there are lots of photos—and even some video.

I then had to make an emergency phone call to an emergency window guy without consulting with Mr. Conference Calls Are My Life. I understand that this might not sound like a big deal to a lot of you, but to me it was. Finding and calling a brand-new vendor without discussing it with Alex first? That was all kinds of anxiety for me.

I mean, sure, it's a week and a half later and we still have a board nailed across the hole instead of a new window, so the jury is still out on how well I chose a window repairman, but at least there is a board there. And the guy came by at 10:30 pm on a Thursday to put it there. And he swears he's coming back on Monday with a brand new window, so I'll give you our final opinion then.

Of course, the past week and a half have been incredibly rainy and we did a LOT of wetvac work before really coming to grips with the fact that the exploded window was not a cause of our water problem, but rather another innocent victim. The problem is a window well with rain/snake access points.

Alex has done some temporary patching of said window well, which seems to be helping (knockonwood knockonwood knockonwood), so our panic attacks when it starts to rain are lessening.

The exterminator (to eliminate any mice that might be attracting snakes) has already come. The window guy (as previously discussed) is coming back Monday. And the landscapers (who will fix our window wells and improve our yard drainage) start Wednesday.

I'm pretty sure it will never rain again. You're welcome.

That said, if any of you ever tell my kids about the snake, they will never go in the yard again and whoever told them will be dead to me.


  1. We used to feed blacksnakes cheese when I was a kid. Kept them close to the house, so they would eat the mice. It was awesome.

  2. I stopped reading after "giant black snake."

  3. Did the exterminator find the rodents in cages? Because the snake doesn't care if it eats mice or gerbils. Just sayin'.

  4. I Googled MD black snakes for you, and it was probably an eastern rat snake, which will bite but is not venomous. I hope the situation improves rapidly!

    Also, thanks for confessing the anxiety about calling random vendors. I have a terrible anxiety about calling anyone! I hate ordering a pizza. That would have been the last thing I did - I would screw in a damn piece of wood myself first! When I do call someplace, I want all the accolades because it is like I scaled a mountain. So, go you!

  5. I haven't read Stimeyland in a while. Gerbil Fight Club! Snakes in the Window! You have had a week.

    My stress vice is chocolate. I would have Hoovered an entire pound bag of MnMs before calling the window guy. For a shot of courage, calm my nerves, etc.

    Hopefully that's your excitement for the summer. (Knockonwood).

  6. Trust me, we are not alone in our phone anxiety. I also hate calling for pizza! Thank goodness for all the new online ordering. Hopefully soon I won't have to talk to anyone on a phone ever again!

  7. Welcome back! EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE!!!!!!

  8. Posted in my blog again. Maybe this month I'll catch up. My blogging mojo is coming back. Wasn't super motivated to blog last month, but I'm planning to catch up before this month is up.


Thanks for commenting! May you be visited by unicorns and kittens.