Sunday, August 19, 2018

(Not) Done-zo

It has been a rough summer. In my grumpier moments I've considered peace-outing and just putting up a post here that says THE END even though I knew even as I was thinking it that I would regret it.

A lot of my angst has been that we have been super busy. I have regularly spent up to FOUR HOURS A DAY or more driving one kid here and then sprinting over to this other location to pick up another one while abandoning the third at home and then hurrying back to pick up the first one and repeat, repeat, repeat. The first two months of my summer felt like an elaborate puzzle where the pieces were getting my kids to places and home and not forgetting anyone anywhere while still trying to fit in work, my physical therapy, and all the regular appointments of daily life that never end.

Spoiler alert: I did it! Also, I was only late picking kids up 3 times and with all the pickups I did, that is an excellent on-time rate. In addition, big thanks to my homies (Gayle, Heather, Alex) who helped me when it was just not possible for me to be in two places at one time.

I did manage to get one on-going activity within walking distance of my home, which was Katie's driver's ed, chosen specifically for that reason. Sorry, Katie. Also, the irony.

June and July were spent going to physical therapy for my knee twice a week, which significantly added to my scheduling difficulties. That went really well and ended with the therapists putting me on the treadmill and me feeling great about myself followed a week later by an appointment with my orthopedist wherein I waited an hour past my appointment time for him to walk in and take five minutes to destroy my heart with words like "after seeing inside your knee" and "no more than two to three miles a couple times a week" and "you can do long runs, but you'll need a total knee replacement in five to ten years" and that's when my grumpier moments solidified into complete despair. I was way ahead in working through my five stages of grief because I hit depression by the time I made it back to the parking lot.

I have a lot more to say about that, including my plan to get two total knee replacements in five to ten years, but that is for another post.

For now, I am pleased to report that my schedule is lifting. I had three days this week that, until a couple of days ago were completely empty squares on my calendar (two of them are now filled with a trip to a trampoline park and an echocardiogram FOR MY CAT), but I had a day where I just sat around and did nothing and it was great.

To recap: This was a rough summer. It rained a lot. We didn't go on any vacations. There was a lot of drudgery in driving everyone around. I had a lot of working mom guilt. I only ran four times all summer. Projects I started got dropped. It was hard to get anything done. My kids bickered with each other all the time. It also felt like they played video games all summer long.

But there was a lot of good too. While I was driving my munchkins around all of Maryland, they were attending fun and educational camps and hanging out with their friends. I was able to go to New York City twice to see shows on Broadway. Alex continues to amuse. I only work part time and it is for an organization I deeply believe in so my guilt is mitigated. I got to spend some good time with my own friends. There was a lot of joy in small moments.

That is why even though this summer was exhausting, I'm not ready for it to end. When I fall into my depressed or irritated spaces, I try to remember that it is temporary. I am decidedly NOT done-zo. But I am looking forward to some empty squares on my calendar once school starts.

1 comment:

  1. OMG!!!!!!! I can SO relate!!!! people don't get it!!! Last summer I was in the car ALL THE TIME!!! one day I think counting drop offs, pick ups, more drop offs etc etc it was 8 times!!! In one day!!! I feel you SO,SO much! and I hated it!
    and then school started and it was done.
    And then this year I toned back on some things which meant my kids watched WAY more TV than they should have and I don't Care!
    Sorry for all the exclamation marks but having kids these ages (11, 14 and 17) at times feels like the return is not worth the investment. :-)
    I try to be grateful (we have good insurance, my wife can have a surgery, be driven to PT 3 times a week, we found a great family therapist, sometimes all five of us each had an appointment in a week, my daughter got a great internship so I should be happy driving her each day....yada...yada...yada...) but sometimes I just couldn't stand it.
    This week things have slowed down a bit and frankly I will be happy for school to start.
    Thank you for letting me vent ;-)
    I feel like when I do it in real life I take up too much air space in the conversation!


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